How do I deal with a wife that won't work and two stepsons that are spoiled brats?

I am married with 2 stepsons who can do no wrong. The oldest 16 has stolen money from me and lies daily. If I confront him, it always ends up an arguement with my wife. Both sons are spoiled and my wifes parents are a big part of this. I support the household by traveling 2 weeks at a time while they have the house all to theirselves. I care for her deeply but I don't know how to deal with this situation. If I mention her getting a job,,,, fight!!!! It seems that I am wasting away. I also have a daughter from a previous marriage. She is expecting a child in 2 months. If I mention making the 5 hour drive to visit her or take new baby furniture to her,,,, fight!!!! She thinks that since I married her, I am responsible for everything they need. And only them. I drive a company car and still keep her car and my pov insured and road ready and she uses both. Still it is, What can I do for them. She wants to give her car to her oldest son!! Divorce? What would a Judge do? Her parents are $$$$How do I deal with a wife that won't work and two stepsons that are spoiled brats?
There is a lot of understandable resentment in this question. You are being taken for granted, controlled, and also disrespected.





First of all, your daughter shouldn't be competition for your wife. All you can do is be straight with your wife, tell her that you love your daughter and you are going to see her, regardless. You have every right to. Forget the emotional manipulation.





As for asking your wife to work, sit down with her and show her the finances, in black and white. Explain to her that her extra income would mean a better quality of life for all of you and some financial independence for her. If she is still unwilling, then, unfortunately, you have an immature sponger on your hands.





Also explain that you care for, and will continue to, support your child. This is a ';no deal'; situation. If your wife is selfish enough not to understand why a man would provide for his daughter, there is something wrong in her character.





As for the stepsons. There needs to be some sort of groundrules that apply to the home. Have sanctions and apply them. It's best to do this with your wife's consent. Again, explain to her that the boy who steals needs to have some kind of consequence to his actions. He is nearly a grown man. If it isn't tackled now, even at this late stage, then it doesn't bode well for his future. If he steals, he pays it back, you cut allowances, you ground him, etc. End of.





As for the car - tell her it isn't hers to give away. Perhaps you can negotiate on this - i.e. you see real improvement from him and he can have it as a reward, in a year from now. That's an incentive, isn't it?





A lot of these problems have arisen because you are not being ';head of the house';. You are giving in to your wife's demands and arguments. This is leading to disrespect from her. Both of you, ideally, should be in an equal partnership, with both of you at the helm, playing your roles. She knows she can get away with her temper tantrums because you give in just to get some peace.





If you can't get constructive solutions going, citing the overall benefits in terms your wife understands and accepts, then maybe you will have to take the route you suggest. Good luck.How do I deal with a wife that won't work and two stepsons that are spoiled brats?
Didn't you discuss this before you got married?


Are you complaining because she doesn't work and you do? I ask this because you seem to be kinda whining because you HAVE to work and provide for the family. If her kids are spoiled


as you say, you had to have known this before you got married. If you can't deal with the situation, then you need to decide what is important to you. You say you're daughter is having a baby, well she's your daughter and she needs to understand you want to do things for her also and the baby. If she can't understand that then the two of you are probably better off apart


This is the reason people should discuss all these things in advance.
its called DIVORCE. since her parents have money and the kids cant do no wrong than they all need to be together. and you need to be a dad to your daughter and a wonderful grandpa to the grandbaby. and live your life without the headaches of this woman and her brats. life is too short to be married and unhappy with a trifling wife and her trifling kids. divorce her and live your life. GodBless
well i would so get a divorce but first quit your job. since she is used to that life style she will ask for it to stay that way and more than likely get it if you dont quit your job or take a brake or something like that. also go visit your daughter regardless if it causes a fight thats is your baby and grandbaby, if she loves you then she has to understand that your baby just like you take care of her brats. good luck.
Sounds like your wife's parents are playing a big role in the fact that your wife and her sons are brats. I would break it off and take my losses. How can you live your life always being wrong and being disrespected all the time? If she shows you no respect then her children won't either. Let her parents take her crap. You don't have to.
Fight with her who cares. Go see your daughter. Get a back bone. If she doesn't let up, get a divorce. Don't let someone take advantage of you. Good luck.
No matter what - get a good lawyer. Get out of this dysfunctional marriage. It isn't healthy for you.
Run really fast, let her parents pay her way and her brats
GET OUT OF THERE. LIFE IS WAY TOO SHORT.





ALSO TO THE OTHER GUYS OUT THERE: DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES GET INVOLVED WITH A WOMAN WHO HAS CHILDREN THAT ARE NOT YOURS!!





NOTHING BUT PROBLEMS, AND WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WANTS TO BE AROUND SOME OTHER GUY'S KIDS ANYWAY?
First of all, do not expect to be second to your stepsons in your wife's eyes---especially when the oldest is approaching adulthood and is obviously capable of manipulation. Your wife promised to love you and be your partner....this means that she should be considering everything you have to say even if it is something painful regarding her child. The two of you should be a team, tackling these issues together.





Second, do not let a woman that holds her children at high esteem convince you to treat your daughter any differently! Invite her to go along with you, but if she refuses you need to visit your daughter anyway. I think part of the issue is that you are the sugar daddy and you are never around to really set up your position in that house. Counseling may help, but you've got to put your foot down somehow. Cut her off financially and tell her that those children are really not your complete responsibility---they are hers!
No one is perfect. Did you marry her for a second income or because you loved her and vowed to take care of her?


The work load is your Responsibility as a Man, Husband. The House load, raising kids is her responsibility as a Woman, Wife.


Step kids? Well, second marriages are hard, but Not impossible. Show your Wife Love, Understanding and Support. If you do not want her, there is another man out there waiting to fill your shoes. (plain truth).


You will find something wrong with the next Wife, the next wife, the next wife,etc... Because No one is Perfect!!!


Make your Marriage work because You are worth it, She is worth it and Your Marriage is worth it.


This should shed some light and give some help to you. God Bless.


http://www.loveandrespect.org


http://www.marriagetoday.org


http://marriagerestorationministries.org
why would you marry a woman who wont help support her own kids? this is not the 50s. familys can not make it financially with the stay at home mom. get a decent lawyer. if you live in a communal property state be prepared to lose half what you own and maybe pay maintenance or alimony. far as her brats go you are not legally obligated to them after they turn 18. kick em out.
If your not happy leave then. She sounds spoiled her self. Let her parents take care of her lazy butt.
Doesn't sound like a very good deal to me. What's in it for you? To have to put your daughter on the back burner is wrong and very selfish of your wife. If she refuses to help out with finances and expects you to deal with her spoiled unruly boys, how can this be amicable for you when she's just as rotten as her kids. We all make mistakes and it's OK to admit that you may have made one in marrying her.





Her parents are wealthy so if you split so you can maintain your own sanity, she %26amp; the boys will be taken care of. Marriage is not a one way street, it's not all about her. You've got a grandbaby on the way and it sounds like your wife will keep you from being involved in what should be a wonderful and exciting time in your life. Don't let her steal that from you. I hate recommending divorce, but this situation just seems really unfair and will probably stay that way. Good luck
First of all your daughter needs you more now than ever go visit her by yourself forget the wife and the brats.But you are not to choose between your kids and her kids.They are all equal no matter what the ages are.You work and buy for her kids it you job and you make it then get a back bone and do for you own kids.Stop doing so much for her and let her do without and let the brats do with out , its plain to see there is no RESPECT at all from none of them to you.make sure you walet if with you at all times do not leave money lying around and if your wife loves you as she should she will work with you and not against you and she will tell her parents to back off ,if she does not then she and her two brats can go and live with granny and pappy.Sounds to me that she is the spoiled one and it has carried over to her two sons and she needs to grow up may be some of the problem from her first marriage ,spoiled brats and buttin parents who think because they have $$$$$ they controll whom ever...No ,you need to take control of your house hold and be the man and get a back bone and speak up STOP LETTING HER AND HER BRATS AND PARENTS WALK ALL OVER YOU!!! and if she and them don't like it then show them the door.Stop providing the insurance make it to where only you and her are the only dirvers covered on the cars,if that wont work then let her pay her own. Yes I would file for Divorce,as far as a judge goes you will not pay child support for the two brat sons she has and you can fight allimony and who had the house that you live in first if you then file to keep it if she wants it then let her pay for it, if the car is not paid for let her pay for it and the insurance.I don't think granny and pappy are going to let thier little spoiled brat and brant grand kids do with out that seems to be the problem now ........You are not responsible for her kids and everything they need she is they are from a previous marriage....where is thier dad ,does she get child support from him for the brats.....if so then that is to help out in the household where ever needed to take care of them......let it be phone,tv,food,elec.car paymt.insurance that is for there benifit not for her and the brats to blow.....and if you have no kids with her that is yours and hers from this marriage then you are not out alot.......Granny and Pappy made this mess then let them have all 3 brats back and you pull yourself up and focus on your daughter and the new grandbaby that is due very soon,I understand now why your daughter lives 5 hours away Best of Luck to you and your daughter and grandchild........have respect for your self and get out now......You never said how long you have been married to this lady and the brat sons?????
Not by getting angry!





You married her knowing full well what the situations was, so why are you complaining now?





Your problems are yours to fix. Now do it.





Good luck.