How do you deal with a cheating wife or partner?

I am marrying my gf this year. I do not think she has ever cheated or is planning to but I keep wondering how would i could cope if she ever does it one day .





How people who have ever been in such a situation dealt with a cheating partner ? Have you been able to forgive and stay together?How do you deal with a cheating wife or partner?
I'll be honest with you. When I married my husband (10 months ago), we swore up and down that cheating was one area of ZERO tolerance. We both continually told eachother that would NEVER, EVER, EVER happen. PERIOD.





Well the unthinkable happened. a week before Christmas, my entire world came crashing down when I found out. It wasn't a long-time thing but the damage was done nonetheless.





How did I get through it? I leaned on God harder then ever. I prayed, cried, prayed and cried some more. And I reached out to other people who also pretty much did the same. And now.... we are well on the path to reconciliation. He treats me a million times better then even when we got married and things were good. He doesn't take anything for granted. And although there's still a long road ahead of us, I think in the end, this will make us stronger.





I never, ever, EVER thought I could forgive a husband who cheated. EVER. I am not desperate- I am independant, have a fantastic career and we don't have kids so I could of easily have walked away. Its amazing what true love + a forgiving spirit can do.





My advice: don't imagine your reaction, because you can't and probably won't react in that way when/if the time comes (I hope for your sake it doesn't!)How do you deal with a cheating wife or partner?
Some people try to seek marital counseling and work things out, but it seldom works. There is a level of trust there that is so broken and betrayed, that it can seldom be regained. Infidelity is one of the issues that married couples can almost never work through. Of the ones I have seen and known who have tried to work through that (on their own or with counseling), all wound up splitting eventually. They were never able to rebuild that trust.





If you have any feelings or indications that either you or she might cheat, then both of you had better work through those things now. Marriage takes a lot of work, and it requires both spouses to be equally committed to each other, through good times and bad and to maintain that marital integrity through remaining loyal to their spouse always, in the good times and especially in the bad.





So, while it is possible for a married couple to work through one of them having cheated, the chances of survival for the marriage aren't probable or favorable in most cases. Marriage seldom survives infidelity.
Get married in a state that has laws that protect victims of infidelity. Or perhaps just offer a prenup as a precautionary measure.





Beyond that, just communicate with your partner and make sure you are getting married for the right reasons..... and getting married to the right person. Meet and spend quality time with their family. You an tell alot about how a person will act in marriage when you are around their family.





As far as when the cheating occurs, there's no going back. The trust is broken, and you will never get it back, not through denial or through marriage counseling.
You leave them. Once trust is broken its gone. But the fact is, you being concerned about this now is major red flag land! The only man I ever cheated on was the one always accusing me of cheating. Every time I came home from a friends house I would get the 3rd degree about being 'slutty'. I finally thought ';hell Im getting the blame for cheating and none of the fun, may as well do it!'; That attitude will push her away and will likely result in infidility.
I though my husband would never cheat out of all the guys I was with. Well, he did, I could never trust him again. If he was late from work or said he had to go someone where I would accuse him of seeing or trying to talk to her. You can never forget what was done and you will always doubt them, so It can't work out. You have to be a really strong person to forget. I wasn't that person, I'm divorced now and still can't forget what he did. I don't trust anyone anymore.
VERY GOOD QUESTION. well try not to think about cheating!! You dont want to start a marriage with negative thoughts that MAY never happen. but if you having thoughts now....you may wanna wait to get on your knee!





I will tell you that its HARD trying to gain the trust back. i had to learn that just because a person cheats on you doesnt always mean that they dont love you. alot of anger and tears will follow if you find out...DONT GIVE IN AND FORGIVE THAT PARTNER SO EASY....let them SHOW you that they wanna be with you. it will take some time but at the end of the day both partners need to PRAY!!





-Nell
The problem is you can forgive but it is extremely hard to forget. Even if you decide to work it out no matter what you do 5,10,15 years down the road it will always pop back into your mind. I found,through experience, that once the trust is broken it really can't ever be fixed.
You can never win trust back, it has to be earned. On that note, I tried to forgive him. It failed miserably. He cheated again. My heart was broken. He left me for another guy.





I've had friends that have been cheated on too.





The best solution is to get rid of the scum and move on.





Once a cheater, always a cheater. Even if they say they can change.
most of these people willl say, break up with her or have a divorce. it's not good that you judge someone by what you saw. better talk to her WHY she did that and ask her what you can do for her or how can you help her to avoid cheating from yo.





sometimes it's just a matter of COMMUNCATION and OPENESS. :)
i would never be able to trust someone again if they did that to me. but, why are you jumping the gun!? she hasn't cheated yet... cross that bridge IF you come to it. otherwise, why worry? i'm sure you will have a wonderful marriage:) best of luck and i hope you never have to deal with that!
This should not be occurring to you. I think you may ruin the relationship because of your control needs unless your girl likes that kind of treatment.
I cannot forgive cheating. The relationship is over
I have been in both sides of the situation and neither she forgave me nor I could forgive her either!
f .uck em





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Dump them! Once a cheater, always a cheater!
the way you deal with it depends on if you can forgive them. If not you have to divorce them.
Cement shoes
just keep about half of your money hidden....you'll be fine
Just hate them in heart
My husband and i have been together for almost 5 years, in those 5 years we have gone through a lot. He's active duty military and has been on 3 deployments in our 5 years together. I myself went through a severe bout of depression/suicidal tendencies, counseling, medications, all that after the death of a family member.. And needless to say our marriage has had a lot of stressors. That being said also my husband cheated on me shortly after his 3rd deployment and right after i entered counseling for my depression. Neither of us are saints i have been a b*tch of a wife and treated him pretty badly at times.Well he got back from a deployment, went out with the boys got drunk and there you go, he cheated. It was a one night stand with a random girl and he came home and confessed it to me the next morning. He also confessed that he thought he got married to young, that he wasn't ready to deal with all our problems and basically copped out under pressure. We argued a few weeks and i told him i didn't want a divorce but i was p*ssed and didn't know what to do. I myself have cheated in a past relationship and i know that cheating doesn't always have to do with your partner sometimes it just has to do with personal issues and you can't say them aloud so you cheat to deal with the stress and issues.


I kicked my husband out and spent some time alone, and i was ready for divorce. He called me one night and we talked for a few hours and he agreed he made a d*ck move and he said he had realized what he was giving up and that it really scared him to know he threw our marriage away. It took a lot for me to exhale and say the phrase ';come home and we'll work on it'; Fast forward its been almost 1 year and we have been in continuous marital counseling, he cut all contact with that girl as well as changed phone numbers, deleted social networking accounts, changed emails, ect...ect.. He did everything to prove he was serious about saving our marriage. I myself had to change as well, its been a rough road but i still love the man and he loves me. We recently bought a home and i am going back to school with his GI bill he gave to me. We work seperate shifts and i don't worry about him. I made a rule with myself a long time ago. I will always give someone a 2nd chance because people can change. Very few do but it does happen. I was a cheater once and i've never done it since and i never will. Doesn't mean i haven't thought about it beleive me but i won't act on it. I got back to my faith and started going to church again and i spoke with my priest about forgiveness, its the ultimate challenge to forgive one who's hurt us. it's hard as hell but it can be done. Now there are all kinds of skeptics who say i'm just fooling myself and that my marrige will inevitably fail and he will cheat again, and maybe he will. But i won't go down without a fight and i won't let people tell me what to beleive. I forgave my husband once because i know people make mistakes. I won't forgive a 2nd time but i am giving my marriage a shot. I think too many people throw marriages away instead of sticking it out and trying. I know this is a long winded story but i always hope my story can help others make a balanced descicion and not just throw away their marriages. I don't know if my marriage will last but i live each day to the fullest and i go home and tell my husband i love him and he does the same for me. I know people will thumbs down my answer just because it isn't the status quoe. But i took my man back after he cheated and forgave him, it was the hardest thing i ever did and i am a stronger woman for it. And at least if my marriage fails i can say i tried and i did what jesus would have wanted me to do. I forgave, it's the greatest ability we have as humans to turn the other cheek and move on and don't let our pride get in the way.





To Juicy Fruit: Great answer i couldn't have said it better!!