Friday, August 20, 2010

How do i deal with my wife pregnancy?

one min she is nice and the other min she hates me. I like to hug and kiss. She dose not want to be near me. It is hurting our marriage. I think i am going to lose her. What to do?How do i deal with my wife pregnancy?
It is hormonal. She is not doing it to hurt you she may not even realize it. She feels fat ugly. He breasts hurt, she has to pee all the time. She feels tired all the time. Try doing dishes cleaning up, make dinner. Draw a nice bubble bath for her with candles and soft music, give her foot rubs, get her cards that tell her how much you love her and how beautiful she is. You will make it through this.





Good luck LindaHow do i deal with my wife pregnancy?
Go this weekend to the bookstore and look through the pregnancy section. There are books specifically written for the dads-to-be in mind. Women go through alot of homornal changes during pregnancy, which explains some of the mood swings. But there may be other issues going on. She could be nervous about the pregnancy. She could feel like you're not 100% on board. You just need to talk to her.....BUT ONLY AFTER you read the book or books. Those will tell you what's kind of normal and what's not. I wouldn't let her treat me like crap just because she's pregnant. This is supposed to be a fun, loving time.
Good thing is its over in 9 months unless she has problems with hormones after the birth then maybe another year. Shes hormonal dont take it personal...its not like she wants to be that way. Not everything is about you so try to remember that she is pregnant and has no control over what she is doing. Stop being a puzzy.
she is just hormonal right now that's all just put her on a pedestal and be super nice to her also do not do anything to loose her and do not look at other women right now she needs to feel she is the most important thing to you and does not any extra stress! you will get threw this good luck with the new baby!
Grin and bear it! When women are pregnant they are going through massive hormone and who knows what other transitions in their bodies. They are, to put it bluntly, not really responsible for their mood swings and outbursts. The old saying of a pregnant craving pickles and ice cream is not too far from the truth.





Just be patient and go along with her mood swings.
Well do you remember what you did to get her that way??





You had your nite of fun and now she's having 9 months of ';fun'; and making you as miserable as she is FEELING.





She loves you reguardless...it's hormones!





Deal with it....that's what a REAL HUBBY would do and know it won't last forever!!
Really? Just because shes has mood swings you think shes gonna leave?? Dude, shes PREGNANT. Get used to it! Shes going to have ups and downs a million times a day! Yes it hurt and yes its annoying but its the hormones talking! Come on now.... Just get over it because its not going to stop, she cant control it and its not anyones fault. Just try to make her happy (within reason) and if she gets mad dont take it personally. Havent you ever been around a pregnant woman?
It will only hurt your marriage if you let it


pregnancy is hard because of the hormones and everything else she is going through it doesnt mean she hates you


you need to try to understand her in this state and support her


why would you think you are going to lose her?
hormones play abig part in pregnancy. i had three kids and each time i was different. you just have to bear with her and let her know you still love her and will be there for her through all this, she doesnt realize what is really going on with her. good luck. hang in there it will over soon.
It has nothing to do with you. I was discusted with being touched when I was pregnant the first time. I am pregnant for a second time %26amp; it doesn't bother me at all. You have to learn to deal with it, both of you.
Just be patient. Her hormones are all over the place right now. This is something you can't understand. I'm sure she still loves you. In fact, I doubt even she realizes what is happening to her.
it is hormones. try to be patient. whatever she says/does right now, she does not want to lose the father of her baby. she is scared and hormonally off. good luck. patience, m'friend.
You may think you have it rough, but shes dealing with it harder than you...support her, shes carrying your child...dont let it affect your marriage, shes not in control of her emotions right now...just laugh it off
This is hormonal and normal. Give her space when she needs it, offer to rub her feet and back.
is it really that bad to where u think u might loose your marriage? try and communicate to her that you are trying to help
rub her tummy and tell her she's the most beautiful woman you've ever seen.
Don't bug her. Just be nice

Atheists, how is a guy supposed to deal with a wife/girlfriend that doesnt listen?

As in, say you tell her not to do something, and then she does it anyway. And then you tell her again not to do something, and she does it anyway.





How is that supposed to be dealt with here in the West?Atheists, how is a guy supposed to deal with a wife/girlfriend that doesnt listen?
Shes not a child,she can do what she pleases.Atheists, how is a guy supposed to deal with a wife/girlfriend that doesnt listen?
i would say they speak out their issues with one another and if this does not happen they find ways to make peace; some, like most of society will keep sex from the other as a way to get back at them for the hurt that has been endured and they will give their life for their love ones too just like Christians. I know this because I work (therapy) with them and also with Christian couples with the same ideas.


They are normal people LofJ, just because they do not believe in God does not make them uncivilized people; they also love one another and are like most, make mistakes in their behaviors and reactions.
She is listening and she is not doing as you say.





Either you change, or you leave her.





Suppose you ask her to be a prostitute, or to kidnap for you - and she doesn't do it. That doesn't mean she's not listening, she's just not doing what you ask.





You can either get used to her not being a prostitute, or you can find another girl friend.
Try not telling her what to do for a change.


What are you, her father?


You're not supposed to ';do'; anything.


If you're her father, and she is under 18, then tell her to go to her room.


If your her boss, then tell her if she cannot follow your instructions, then you will fire her.


If she is your wife/GF, then try treating her with respect. Something you clearly have no understanding of.





(In a whiny little b*tch voice:)


';What am I supposed to do?';





Puhleeeze!





You're lucky you're not MY BF. I'd b*tch slap you for telling ME what to do!
Same way a woman deals with it when her husband doesn't listen to her. You cope. (Maybe it wasn't something you should have been telling her about, anyway? Maybe she really did know better? Did that ever occur to you?)
Instead of demanding things.. you talk through them and explain your stance, focusing on the importance of the issue to you. She explains her stance, maybe she's not at fault.





If she continues or you can't deal, You break it off.
You do not own her. If she wants to do something, hell, she can do it. You can't deny her free-will or she'll divorce/break up with you. Again, you don't own her.
That's why it's important to date and find a woman you respect and who respects you in turn before committing to marriage.
You could always break up with her, and find someone a little more submissive who doesn't mind being told what to do/what not to do.





.
Lol, the price of independence...





Do you do everything 'she' says?





Perhaps if you weren't so controlling she would listen to you more.
Say it. Say you have a problem with her doing it.





You are not suggesting you should have command over her, are you?
Repeat after me: ';Yes, dear';.
Relationships are an equal partnership, not a master slave relationship.





If you can't figure that out, stay single.
Haha. Troll. Buy yourself a wife from the East and enjoy until she leaves with the money she came for.
You don't tell her. You request, you reason, you convince, you negotiate, as if she were *gasp* *horrors* your PEER.
Girlfriends are like city buses. One cruises by every ten minutes. Some stop where you're standing.
First thing you need to do is get a girlfriend.
I find that talking with my mate helps me out, instead of being a demanding ****
She's not your slave, deal with that
why only atheists? you deal with her.
The Atheati has really gone to sh*t these days...
What's this got to do with being an atheist?
Divorce. It's in her best interest.
tell her to do it
uhhh well then maybe you should stop telling her what to do
what does that have to do with atheism...?
maybe she just doesn't want to do whatever it is you are telling her to do?
We don't order our wives around like children here.
Violation Notice stole my words: Tell her to do it. She will stop.
As the great Sean Connery said:





';When you've tried everything else, its ok to hit a woman';
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  • How to deal with a wife that wants a divorce but still wants to have sex with you?

    and tell you how to run your life.raise hell with your children and even try to make them fight her . she works as a guard in a prison and thinks she rules over all people shes aroundHow to deal with a wife that wants a divorce but still wants to have sex with you?
    Tell her it's one or the other





    Divorce means no sex, and sex means no divorce





    As for the answerer above ...... why the hell should the asker leave instead of his wife, seems to me she's the unreasonable one so should be the one leaving.How to deal with a wife that wants a divorce but still wants to have sex with you?
    tell her if you want one thing you gotta take the whole package and tell her that she needs to respect the way you raise your kids and that she isnt the controller of every one. if she freaks maybe you should get a divorce.
    wahh, ur wife sound more like a husband to me cos her egoistic is extremely strong eh.. Have u try to have a heart-to-heart talk with her? for ur children's sake, i advise try to reconcile. Gd Luck!
    That's a tough deal. A marriage therapist can help you with this emotional yo-yo you're on. Something else is going on with her and if she won't see a therapist, go alone. Meanwhile, tell her that the good times in the hays are over until you know she's either committed to making the marriage work or not. Good luck! .
    I think it would be best for your children and you if you just left. Sex means nothing if there is no love or communication.
    divorce her


    take the kids


    dont listen to her


    and


    dont have sex with her
    Once the divorce papers are signed the sex goes too. Think more of yourself than that.
    protect your kids from her! that is all .
    She's trying to push you to dominate her. If you're not strong enough to, then find yourself someone weaker.
    Get a lawyer and tell her to go eat sh*t! You and your children are not her prisoners!!!
    thats retarded. if she cant give her heart, then she cant give you head. ok?
    File for divorce and tell her if she wants sex she has to stay married and in order to stay married she has to agree to go to counseling because contrary to her popular beliefs ,she DOES have problems!Tell her you can make her lose her job by trying to make her kids fight her.This will take some of the wind out of her sail.Then tell her it's either go to counseling or divorce quietly.Her choice.
    You need to have a serious talk with her.


    First tell her if she's asking for divorce then the sex is over, and she should know due to the kind of job she has, than even if she's the woman, force sex is rape, no matter who the offender is. Might sound ridiculous but that's the fact.


    Also, if she's provoking the children to ';fight'; her that's child abuse and negligence, and you could get child custody of then in case of divorce.


    If things keep getting worst it'll be a good idea to have a camera somewhere to prove your case in a divorce court. Don't let her abuse you and your children.
    You dun have to deal with it, it either you agree to it or simply ignore it. Agreeing to divorce and still remain as one of her sex partner. Ignoring meaning get the divorce and get out of sex forever with her.





    Next time, get a nurse ya.
    From experience, get away from her. Tell her it's either all or nothing and since she wants a divorce, she has already made the choice of nothing. Oh, and don't give in when she comes on to you. You are just adding fuel to the fire.
    either ur a pussy ans is scared if your wife or this is a total fake.








    GO TO JERRY SPRINGER!
    grow some balls and cut her off, she only wants booty until she finds someone else!!!!!
    Her way of saying your good in bed, but personally an idiot. You can be an idiot and keep giving her some, or cut her dry my man. My bet is, your weak LOL (Men Typically are).
    as long as your married, you might as well act like husband and wife and have sex. As for ruling over all people, don't all wives do that?

    How do you deal with your wife, parents, friends not wanting you in there lives?

    i suffer from p.d.s.d., anxiety, a.d.h.d. innatentive, depression. i am on med's, cant afford counceling and i hate the way i am!! looking for help not pitty. also i am very scared to be in a friendship or more with anyone in person. it seems like god cant help me!!!!!!! i have 3 kids, now 2 ex-wives and a life i cant control.How do you deal with your wife, parents, friends not wanting you in there lives?
    ok i understand i have depression i get depressed for no reason but im scarred to tell my parents and i think im bi polar every1 agrees but doctores can help you get controll over ur life again, depression has pills for it and so does adhd, as for me i dont have friends, my family ignores me, and i dont know about myself i usley hide it but u shouldent ask for a drs help are som1 u can trust

    Shared interests in marriage? How important is it for a woman to share ALL of her husbands interests?

    I am getting married in April. There are things I do not expect my fiancee to be interested in simply because I enjoy them but it does not seem to be vice versa. I support a lot of what he does and participate in a great deal of his interests, but there are just some things I am not interested in like British comedy, or going to Arkansas, or sitting in 100 degree heat when he has a gig to play outdoors. As I said, I support at least 90% of his interests and dreams and desires, but that 10% left over is for things I am interested in like pursuing a doctorate, teaching online classes, taking dance classes.


    How do you wives deal with sharing your husbands interests? Men, how much of your wifes' attention do you require with regard to your interests?Shared interests in marriage? How important is it for a woman to share ALL of her husbands interests?
    Leaving 10% for your self is just right. Remember, husbands never give their wives 100% so why should we? Being married to someone should not be losing one's own identity. Continue pursuing your interests. Keep learning, keep growing. You shouldl not be left behind while your husband develops his own interest.Shared interests in marriage? How important is it for a woman to share ALL of her husbands interests?
    You don't have to share all his interests. Just because you're getting married doesn't mean you have to melt in to one person. You're still two seperate people. Just support him with them as he should support you with yours.

    Report Abuse



    90%!!! wow! that's more than enough. Lucky guy! You shouldn't be worried about the 10%....
    You don't have do all your your husbands interest. BUT! you better show interest in what he does as he should in what you do. Again doing what others like or showing interest are two different things.





    Myself I would rather share and do everything with my wife than to be off doing something without her.





    Marriage if a 100% commitment to each other not at 50/50 split.
    It is important for both of you to share interests of the other.


    will you look at this?





    Opposites May Attract, But Will The Marriage Survive?





    http://www.yourromanceguide.com/articles鈥?/a>
    only control freaks want their wives around constantly. personal space is important. more important is shared backgrounds and a similar moral compass.
    I think you have an excellent attitude on this! In my case, I share at least 80% of my husband's activities simply because it's a mutual thing we both enjoy doing. The other 20% is spent on our own pursuits and endeavors. I personally don't feel you are required to do everything together and time spent apart can be just as productive as time spent together. It helps to build both your growth and separate identities and helps you to become better people for each other. However, it's also important to participate in each other's interests once in a while. It helps you to appreciate one another. My husband does not expect me to be interested in his ';thing'; and likewise. We have a mutual understanding on this and we respect each other's need for space.
    Not necessary to share all his interests. But do be connected to each others lives as much as possible. Do not drift apart because of different interests.

    How to deal with a wife that spoils her children especaily her son?

    I am the new step parent of 2 years.How to deal with a wife that spoils her children especaily her son?
    Man, it's hard to say without knowing you and your situation, but I would think that is something you should have recognized before you got married and discussed it with her. However, she needs to accept that SHE chose YOU to be the FATHER of her children, making them your children as well. You need to discuss it with her. Don't fight, don't argue, discuss. If you can't then I hate to tell you this, Brother, but you married the wrong woman. Let her know specifically what you think she should and should not be doing and how it will directly and eventually affect YOUR childrens' behavior. Remember, they are YOURS now, too. If you are Christians, pray together about it. If not, then hopefully you are both woven from the same moral fabric and will agree that lack of discipline breeds disrespect and many other vices much much worse. But it begins with disrespect. She needs to understand that a lack of discipline is not a display of love, but rather a withdrawal of it and that not only will directly affect the children but everyone with whom they come in contact for the rest of their lives. To discipline a child is to love a child and to not discipline a child is to neglect a child. By spoiling a child a parent is not only doing the child a gross disservice, but society, as well. Good luck, Sir. I wish you and your family all the best.How to deal with a wife that spoils her children especaily her son?
    I had to deal with my husband and his spoiled kids and I tell you it was frustrating. You would be damned if you do and damned if you don't. If you do tell your spouse how you feel you end up putting a strain on the marriage, especially if the spouse is in denial. If you don't say anything then the children rule and you feel resentful which also put's a strain on the marriage. In this situation I would use the Three C's: Counseling, Communication, Caring. If you have bought the subject up to your spouse with no results seek professional help. Sometimes a neutral party can make fixing matters like these smoother than if you try to go it alone. Never fail to make your feelings clear and easy for your spouse to comprehend. And whatever you say or do, make sure that it is done with extreme care.
    as a step parent you don't have any say at all.
    THER IS NO ANSER TO THAT, WHEN U START MAKING UR STEP KIDS MIND, LOOK OUT, NO ONE LIKES OTHER PEOPLE TELLING THERE KIDS WHAT TO DO
    She has her relationship with her son. You have your relationship with your new son. Let everyone have their relationship. Tell the son in a nice way as he gets older, ';Enjoy it. You'll never be spoiled like this again!';
    try to have a genuine talk with her and tell her your concerns. but be prepared cause she might not take it well.

    How do I deal with my wife?

    I am happily married for 2 years. I love my wife a lot. There is a change in my wife's behaviour which irritates me a lot,the cause of which is me. After 6 months of our marriage, she underwent an abortion of our baby. It was not planned,so we had to decide this. She was quite depressed with it and every other month from that day onwards she used to remember the baby on that particular day and stuff like this. After 1 year of our marriage I did a horrible mistake, I cheated on her once. I slept with a woman who worked with me. Though I confessed about this to her (after 6 months), I know it has hurt her a lot. She forgave me and has given me another chance. I have promised her that I will live up to her hope and I am trying my level best to do it. But she is very depressed now. She has become very moody. Sometimes in the midst of night, I find her crying in other room. These things have become very frequent and it irritates me a lot. I get angry on her too. How do I cope up with this?How do I deal with my wife?
    You speak about dealing with your wife. How does she deal with you? She gave up a part of her, you cheated on her and waited to tell her like that was going to make it better, she forgave you and took you back and you think she is the one with the problem. You are not being very supportive. I have not heard you mention talking to her to figure what is going on. Sound like to me you are adding to her problems. You have no idea how hard it is to give up a child or have an abortion. When you see other mothers with their beautiful babies out shopping or in the park you have a tendency to think about what would your baby of been like. Was it easy for you to make the decision? Now that you have cheated on her, she may feel like you would abandon her if she were to have a child or that you did not want a child because you were cheating in the first place. Knowing that the one you love so much is being dishonest takes time to learn to trust again. Help her solve what is going on with her and have more patience with her. She definitely has patience for you because she took you back. Most women would have shown you the door. Good Luck.How do I deal with my wife?
    what a sad husband u are instead of being htere for her u gonna go *** sumone. how sad. i don't think u can change anythign. one day if not today u guys are going to leave each other. because me being a woman i can never take that much., it will hurt her for redt of life
    Give her time to move past the infidelity. You cheated on her so you must endure these acts that she needs to get through.
    You're a selfish swine that's what you are!!!


    How dare you think of yourself and say that it irritates you???


    Gosh, she had to have an abortion and to help her, to support her you go and cheat on her, and then since you consider yourself forgiven for your sin, now you want to move on with your life? And she's stupid because there she goes making things complicated?


    Aren't you God's gift??!!


    Honestly man, are you in love with yourself?


    Is there some space for that woman you married in your life?


    Did you choose her for her, or because you knew that she would go along with anything you decided?


    Did you at least make sure she got some support after the abortion, because surely it will have crossed your mind that she is not coping?


    What a BAST**D YOU are !! You don't deserve anybody's compassion.


    Take a mirror and have a good look at yourself.


    This woman is being depressed. You are not supporting her, SHE is supporting you. She is the one coping with all the SH*T YOU throw at her, and YOU are IRRITATED.


    For Goodness sake, just get yourself together and try marriage counselling because your wife, and not mother, or priest, NEEDS help. She's suffering.


    She's mourning the loss of her baby and trying not to disappoint you by trying to be strong, but it's CLEAR to any DECENT person, that she is not managing.


    What a sorry excuse of a husband you are!!!
    2 words dude...MARRIAGE COUNSELING.





    She is depressed, I can't imagine why she would be depressed, she killed her baby, her husband (that she probably killed the baby for) cheated on her, and now he's peoed at her all the time--sounds like a great life. Of course she's depressed!! And you get irritated with her about it?





    I seriously hope, for her sake, that she dumps your butt. She's probably worth better than you.
    Leave that poor woman alone. She is feeling guilty about the baby and then you cheat on her and that is making her feel unlovable. You should be very thankful she is with you, most woman would have left you in a minute. Grow up and be nice.


    I hope she is seeing a therapist to help her through all of this.
    You need to go to marriage counciling. Your marriage seems to be falling apart quickly.
    Marriage counseling-- your relationship is in a ditch and you need professional help.
    FIRST..STOP getting angry at her...that is only going to make her more upset. SECOND...understand! For crying out loud....you can't cheat on someone...say I'm sorry and it will never happen again and expect her total forgiveness. The pain takes a very very long time to go away. And I am sure in her heart she believes you and wants to forgive you...but a few things...trust is easy to lose and much harder to regain. Do you still work with this woman you cheated with? Do you allow your wife to see some of your personl life, emails, etc..do you go out at night without her?





    This with the abortionis causing her to be depressed. If you are truly sorry you cheated, then you are a very big man..and you should feel proud of yourself for relaizing it is wrong. However, I know from experience how much it can hurt. The worst thing you can do is expect her to forgive and forget. Give her time...be patient...you messed up..so now it should be a little harder for YOU...not her.





    Let your wife read your emails. Let her have your voicemail code and atm code. Tell her you love her and make wonderful love to her. Listen to her, even when you dont want to. talk to her. Love her. This is how she will forgive you.
    first of all i dont condone abortions at all......you reap what you sew and i have lost 2 children and not by choice....and now i find out due to an infection i had with my 1st son...i cant have anymore. So for you two to decide to have sex and not be resposible afterwards just says to me you two should be in my position. you are taking that for granted that you can get pregnant and play with someone elses life.....personally i could careless if you two make it as a couple....to know you through a baby out with the garbage is sick..and both of you should be ashamed of yourself...i hope they make abortion illegal and say its murder!!!!!!!!!
    Im sorry but.... you have no right in getting angry with her, she did nothing to you. You should have kept your damn d!ck in your pants to begin with,. YOU ARE A MARRIED MAN! Men like you make me sick. Just remember she is hurt... broken hearted.... you need to be there for her... not get mad at her.
    Try to get her to get some counseling. She needs it for dealing with the abortion and well as your cheating. Try to go with her and support her. She got hit with a double-whammy in a short amount of time, so it鈥檚 going to take some time to work that out. Good luck.
    you both probally need to see a therapist alone and together she needs help and so dont you she is really upset and its bad if you yell at her and get mad at her.
    It really sounds like your wife is sorry about the abortion and probably still upset at times about the adultery. You yourself called the little one ';a baby';. It lived in her body, she is probably very sad. To have these two horribly stressful events happen so early in your marriage is hard on her and you too. Talk to her. If all you can do is hold her while she cries, do it. Treat her like a princess. Tell her you love her and show her with your actions everyday. There is a group called Project Rachel that offers help for those suffering because of a past abortion. It is confidential. Look it up on the Internet and see what you think. I am so sorry for you and your wife's sadness.
    It's very difficult to go through this alone, and let me tell you... she feels that she is going through this alone. Men show their emotions differently than us women, you cheated while she cries her heart out. You need to show her that you are hurting too, not by crying, but by talking to her and venting out your emotions. You screwed up and she might not want to forgive you after her grieving period is over, and that will be something you will need to suffer the consequence for. If you guys are religious, look for help there. If you can afford an MFCC(marriage, family and child counselor) do it and go see one. If you really do care for her and love her you need to help her get out of this depression she is in. She might need to take some antidepressant medication in order to help her come out of this. The key word here is unity. You married her for good or bad and it seems that you are not keeping your word.
    Good grief!! Get counseling!! Y'all are the poster children for marriage counseling.





    She might need some medication, too.
    It seems like she maybe hasn't gotten over those issues. Like they're haunting her.That's really alot for a women to go through in just 2 years.Getting married to the person you love,having a abortion, and to have your love your husband cheat on you just shortly after all that.She's still hurting, Have you talk to her,about everything? About what she feels and what's going through her mind. Let her know that you see the pain,she's going through.That it's hurting you to see her go through that. But y'all need to talk it out, put everything out on the table.Clear the air for both of y'all.Holding back your true feeling,just causes build up tension.That might be what she feeling.Which can lead to her to being moody and more emotionally at times.
    get a divorce, shell prob be happier w/o u. and if u loved her wanted to help her get over the baby, U WOULDNT HAVE CHEATED.


    ok, whoo her again, make her fall in love with u. bring flowers, cook her dinner, maybe breakfast in bed, date her again. and show her alot of attention. goodluck.
    instead of getting angry with her, try to understand her problems.. you did cheat on her, you jerk.
    First of all you should have remembered your marriage vows, For Better of Worse, you suffered a loss as well as your wife when the baby was aborted, instead trying to find solace in the arms of another woman you should have been beside your wife, it is obvious that she did not want an abortion, that is why she still remembers it, and may not ever get over it. She is still hurting, I don't know to many married couples having abortions. Your wife needs counseling, and you need to go counseling with her as well, right now she needs a strong husband, who is there for her, she may find it difficult to talk to you about the baby, because she suffered a great loss. Your loss is different than hers. You need to reassure your wife that you still love her, and you and her need some type of grief counseling, because if you dont get counseling right away, she is only going to get worse.
    First of all, how in the hell can you get mad at her for your infidelity?? Secondly, she aborted your child how else is she supposed to feel after carrying a baby in her womb and then getting rid of it???? Lastly, you seem to very inconsiderate of her feelings which akes u a selfish SOAB!!!!!! Instead of being an asshole talk to your wife and console your wife and you both should seek counseling A/S/A/P!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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