How long should I wait for my wife to come home?

Here is the deal. My wife left me about a month ago, saying she did not know if she wanted to be married anymore. the first week she did not even talk to me. That was probably that hardest thing for me to take. Then we met in a parking lot so I could try to figure out what was going on. First let me tell you that until this my wife has been very loving and good to me. We had our typical arguments about money and our sex life, but nothing that I thought would lead to her leaving. I have asked her to come home so we can work on this and she tells me that she is not ready. It's been a month. After all the hurt of knowing that someone that should love you and work through problems can just walk out and run from them, I have now started to think about what is next. I have been very patent with this whole thing and told her that most men would have not handled this the way that I have. Here is what I have been doing to try to make this work. I have set up marriage counseling and we have been three times. I have convinced her to see me every other day and we are doing fun things and not just sitting in the house. But my question is.. it's been over a month and I told her that I have felt neglected and abandoned and I think that it is time for her to come home at least a few nights a week. She then tells me to stop talking about it and that she is not ready. I need to know how long I should waid before I start to play hard ball and make her face her decisions. One being make her get her own car/medical insurance put the car in her name and change the locks on the door. I refuse to be dragged through the dirt anymore, I feel as though I cheated on her or beat her and this a far from the fact. I have always been supportive and helped her when she needed it, and I have told her that I don't think I deserve to be treated this way. I am a good person and I know that I am. I just don't know if I should let her keep doing this and act like our marriage never even mattered not to mention my feelings. How long should I wait for my wife to come home?
you sound like a very nice man. let her go. stop being there for her because her vows seem to have meant nothing. Act the way she is acting. Be prepared because once you do this she will come crawling back to you. At this point it is up to you what you do with it, but i would let it go. She has treated you horrible and that you should always remember. there are good woman out there. good luckHow long should I wait for my wife to come home?
sounds like you just want someone to say that your right in what your thinkin? no prob, your absolutley right in what your thinkin, enough is enough, tell her the score!
I bet that there are about 10 women near your home that would appreciate a person like you.


Move on and find somebody that will take the act of marriage seriously.





Good Luck



I would say she's shacked up..





It's a low blow...She won't even say what's up..





Time to go...
You kind of avoid the meat of this issue - why did she leave? Is it something you did, or is it her? If you love her, you wait forever. That's it. If you don't love her, you cut it now. Simple as that.
why did she leave in the first place.. did you do something really wrong... she's getting a taste of life again and it takes time, but if she's not willing or ready to come back then yes let her stand on her own two feet..changing the car title, getting her own medical.. what you said.. she's still attached to you and wants to hang on but also sounds ready to start new without you... so yes i say give her an ultimatum and she needs to chose... either be with you or cut all communications cause this is only slowing the both of you down in life and love..


you shouldn't let yourself be someone's carpet so stand up for yourself





you sound very nice and i'm sure it won't be hard to find someone who appreciates you as you do her.. good luck
I'm currently going through the same situation. My Wife left me also and she says she needs time.. So I have given her that but it’s been 2 1/2 months since then we have and continue to go to counseling with her missing only twice. But she tells the counselor that it’s over and she has no feelings for me.. As time has gone we have been intimate far more than several times but Everytime we are I end up hurt and more confused. I don’t know why she does this but she is confused. She tells me that she is very confused and that she ';has an ounce of love for me'; this hurts and she says that maybe in the future we would get back together? I personally as time progresses I'm getting use to this but it hurts very deep. Specially that our 5 year old is been affected. I'm also feel that I mean well with the whole situation and been very patient with her without pushing the whole getting back thing! I constantly look up internet websites how to handle this and they all have one thing in common “ leave her alone” let her reflect and to come to her own realizations! But its very hard to do this after 7 years of marriage. Just be strong and don’t push her and don’t give time lines. Start to prepare yourself to move on. She will see this and maybe, maybe change. know that I'm a good man and that there is life after this but it is very painful.
Your right, you don't have to take it. Thing is, you do because you love her and respect your marriage. Leave her alone. Give her the space she is requesting. Let her come to you. Stop being persistent. She needs to realize things on her own. Take a step back. When she starts missing you. she will call you. Maybe then, she will realize what she might lose. Good luck!
The way you word this, you sound needy and smothering. When that appears to be failing, you then suggest that you may blackmail or start giving ultimatums. You never mention the reason that you wife seems to need SPACE, or what the marriage counselor has said.





I advice, change the act. You start playing ';hard ball'; and see how fast you end up in divorce court.
Sounds like its time for you to move on. For whatever reason she wasn't happy, and it sounds like you are trying to change yourself to make her happy. Do you really think making all of these changes for her will make you happy in the long run.





You should go out and try to meet someone new, you'll be ecstatic when you find someone who like you for you. Try and learn from the mistakes you made in your marriage, but it sounds like its time to move on.
You are showering her with attention and she likes it this way. Just know, people do what works. This separation idea of hers has seemed to work out to her benefit. She now does not have to sit at home and do wifey duties and she sees you paying more attention to her and doing fun things. As much as I can understand what drives you to do this, let me tell you, you are not providing her with incentive to come home and work on the marriage. What you need to do is stop doing what you have been doing. Your attitude should be, ';I love you and if it is space you want then I will give it to you, for now I see no other alternative but to make every effort to move on myself';....that should be your attitude to her. Then after saying this your actions should back up your words and your no contact will make her wonder and face how her needing space has threatened the chance on losing you. This is the incentive she needs to turn around and take responsibility for the state of her marriage. I do wish it all works out for you.
If its been over a month, then there are 2 things I would ask myself if I were U....





1st, Is she seeing someone else? Is there even a remote possibility there is someone else? Realize that if you suspect this, then you are probably right. Find out for sure. This is VERY important.





2nd, Give her her space. This may be an '; attention thing'; Hows the saying '; If you love them, set them free....'; I know its hard and it hurts but just ignore her. See how long she will go before she contacts u.





U mentioned before she bailed on you, everything was good? So, did she just up and leave on u one day like '; Suprise, I dont know if I want to be married anymore'; or has it been mounting?





Also, You told her how u feel, u want her home a few nites a week but she is not ready?!?!???? ?? ? Play hardball NOW. Open a new bank account, change the locks... hell honestly dude, file for divorce. After all, she left u.





My 1st wife pulled this move on me after 4 years of marriage, come to find out, she was having an affair. I know how crazy it is, talking about '; I dont know if Im ready to come home'; .... My ex wasnt ready to come home because she was screwing someone else. When I caught her ( In the act might I add) I smiled and walked away. THEN she was ready to come home but '; Who am I ?.... What do U think I am? '; I asked her. I thought something was wrong?!! Nope, wasnt me. It was her.





Good luck to you dude.






Hello.... ';Not to mention my feelings.';? But, that's all you mention. You portray yourself as patient, loving and caring... I question this self-portrayal. How patient are you if you asked her to come home, but she said she was not ready then you try to _convince_ ';her to see me every other day'; and then still, emotionally charged, you ask her ';to come home at least a few nights a week';?? In the whole scheme of things, a month is certainly not a long time.





You portray yourself as a good person-- and perhaps you are-- but perhaps you can ask yourself honestly, ';How did I contribute to this break in our marriage?'; It sounds as if you are trying to fix her and the marriage yet not at all looking honestly at yourself and how you've played a part. I know I'm being harsh in these comments, and I empathize with you about the absolute heartbroken experience that this is. You have not been atypical in trying to figure out how to win/convince/manipulate subtly your wife back home. This following website may offer you support.


http://www.divorcebusting.com/a_walkaway…





I wish you and your wife well.






Maybe I am wrong but it seems like she is taking you for granted???From what u saying looks like u have done everything you could to save your marriage. Now let me ask you a question: What has she done??Oh apart from attending what u have arranged (again). Maybe you should stop trying so hard and let her taste her own medicine??
Interesting. All I hear is how YOU feel. How YOU are neglected. How YOU won't be dragged through the dirt. How long YOU have to wait before you can dump your wife.





Not a single word of how your WIFE feels or what the marriage counsellor has said about the situation. If this is how you treat your wife in general, I'm not surprised she left. Instead of demanding that she satisfy YOUR needs, perhaps you should try asking how you can satisfy HERS.





And what sort of time frame do you put on love? If you love some one, you've got to give them time. If you don't, well, there's no time like the present...