How do I talk to my wife and deal with the fact that something big is missing?

I have a lovely wife whom I love, and two healthy and great kids that I adore. In some ways, our family must almost seem too good to be true to people on the outside. My career is exactly what I always wanted to do, and have excelled to the point where I make very good money and am internationally recognized for what I do. As one of those type-A’s, I also devote time to other pursuits outside of work that I find rewarded, including volunteering, sports, and even consulting and writing/publishing. I work out 4-5 day a week and am probably in the best shape of my life.





Of course, life is not a fairy-tale, and so there are always challenges, both in relationships, financial decisions, career choices, etc. Life is up and down for all of us (I’m no exception), but I can’t help but look and be amazed at what I have.





So why does it feel like something big is missing? The truth is, there is this hole, and I have come to realize what it is. Exactly what the hole is…is not important for this discussion…but you just need to know that it is real and it is not going away. In many ways, it is something I have always wanted (not something you can buy), but never had….and now I realize I probably never will have it (and no, I am not gay).





I sometimes wonder if marriage, kids, etc. was a mistake. I sometimes think maybe I always knew that they were not for me but denied it because that is “what you are supposed to do.” Maybe I bought into the idea that as long as you play by the rules and follow the path that you are supposed to, it all works out…other needs fade and you become happy as you fall into the married/parenthood/career life. But that has not happened. I am torn – I love my wife and kids and could not imagine a life without them; I want the very best all of them, always…but another half of me wishes I had made other choices, and it is eating away at me. I want to have both, but I know I can’t





The holes I have are things that maybe I should discuss with my wife…but I know bringing these things up would hurt her too much. She is so great, how do I sit down and tell her the full story of what is going on in my head? How do I risk making her sad, or potentially damaging our marriage forever? I can’t bear to hurt her in that way, and so I bury it all deep…well, as deep as I can. My wife says she can sense that every few months I go through a period of being down, and I think she knows a little about the roots of it. If that is enough to sadden her (which it does), s how could I ever bring it all up? “Communication is the key” they all say, but what if that open communication results in hurting the one you love?





I am worried that if I bury it away forever I will end up a bitter old man, resentful and angry. I don’t want to have regrets, but I also know I have responsibilities. What do I do?How do I talk to my wife and deal with the fact that something big is missing?
You sound like you are having a mid-life crisis.





You never say what these ';holes'; are, so who knows? Is the hole something as generic as just wishing you didn't have responsibilities?





Might I suggest a trip to the local bars right after work during happy hour so you can survey all the other miserable guys there sitting alone at the bar hoping the waitress of the evening flirts with them for a big tip, and see how miserable their choices really were, and then go home, TALK to your lovely and understanding wife and work through this mid-life setback? Who knows..maybe she feels the same...and you can laugh about your mid-life crisis together.





ETA:





Okay, listen up...either say what this missing thing is, or give up on getting a worthwhile answer here...no one even knows what you are talking about!!!!!! Is it a 3-way with another woman? Is it to go hiking in the mountains for a year? Is it to be a pirate? Seriously!How do I talk to my wife and deal with the fact that something big is missing?
Sounds like a mid life crisis. Pierce your ear, get a convertible, take up roller blading... Or talk to a therapist for depression.
That was quite the book you wrote for not actually telling us what the problem is.
So your attracted to someone else? Someone younger? Prettier? New? Makes you feel young again? Sex is amazing(or at least that is what you envisioned?).


The void you are feeling, has nothing to do with anyone else but you. Another person will not fill the void. You need to find a therapist, and start trying to figure out, what is missing. If through therapy, you realize that you want to end your marriage. The therapist could help you break the news too your wife. The funny thing about life is, sometimes you do not realize what you have until it's gone. So please seek counsel of a good therapist.
Hey, I'm a woman and I'm pretty much going through the same thing! Why isn't my fairy tale life making me happy? Most people would give their left arm for what I've got! I did talk it over with my husband. His response was (a) go ahead and leave but you leave with nothing, including your daughter and (b) either leave and be happy with that or stay but don't complain. Soooo.... while hubby is amazing in most repects, he's not the most comforting! My point is, maybe you should bring it up with the wife but lightly until you gage how she's going to react. My hubby is insecure so that's why he reacted that way. If your wife has insecurties she's automatically think the problem is her. Be careful of that. Ask for her help in figuring out something that excites you about life again. Good luck. I really hope it all works out for you. Have you tried religion? I grew up in the church but I've heard that other that haven't feel quite renewed when they take up faith. A friend of mine just did and now she's travelling to Africa for missionary work and seems much happier.
“Stop acting as if life is a rehearsal. Live this day as if it were your last. The past is over and gone.





Answer my question plz:


http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AkgxX3F6FrqQBLgzcChIlbPsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20090811150643AAanc7Z
Sometimes it helps to bring out all the things that is bothering you as you did in this post. We all go through life with what ifs, but in the long run the choices we made previously turn out to be right in the long run. Don't necessarily talk to your wife about this, but find a trusted clergy or counselor to vent your feelings. Hopefully this emptiness l you are feeling is temporary, we all have those feelings. No you won't regret the choices when you get old, that you didn't do something different.
Is this a matter of a weak sex life or your wife is not open to doing what y ou want