First, ask her, during one of those moments, something like ';Honey, do you want to talk about it?'; If she says yes, just hear her out, don't be judgmental, and let her vent. Then you could say something like ';You know what? We all make mistakes in our youth that we regret. The fact that it still bothers you simply means you are a thoughtful, caring person with a good heart and a conscience. But maybe it's time to forgive yourself and move forward. I love you very much and want you to know that nothing you did before we were married has diminished my respect and love for you.'; If that doesn't work, suggest counseling.How do I deal with my wife's abortion?
Wow, good question, and a good answer to boot
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Pray through.
I never got past it until I was praying in church one day... Two sisters in Christ sensed that it was important. We went to the prayer room and they stayed with me for hours, until it was done.... and I knew God's grace over my sin. They had closed the church doors..... LOL When we left the prayer room everything was dark in the building.... but the light had broken through.
God has grace for her. If she would like someone to share it with.... who has been there.... feel free to e-mail me from the site.... and I will tell you my e-mail address privately.
I know that our Heavenly Father loves her so much and the sin was nailed to the cross. Mercy and grace are at the door.
God Bless,
Sue
Greetings %26amp; Blessings of the Goddess %26amp; God,
You cannot deal, with your wifes abortion:
1: Because You were not involved in the decision in the 1st place!
2: As the abortion is over!
Therefore, you can only deal with the aftermath.
We feel your wife self punishes herself, as do the Greatest Majority of Women, who have had abortions.
Religions %26amp; Pro-Lifers are Wrong! The Greatest Majority of Women who have Abortions Condemn Themselves %26amp; Don`t Realize, that the True Loving Deity/ies, will help them to Heal!
It is Contradictory for Religions %26amp; Pro-Lifers to Condemn these Women, %26amp; yet Give their Blessings to Soldiers, who Kill the Enemy in War, as a Great Deal of the Enemy are Children, including Unborn Children.
Part of your quandry, is that you are ';very pro-life'; %26amp; yet you don`t condemn her, as she feels you should. This would be a way of her being punnished, for what she feels was wrong. However, you want to Love, Accept %26amp; Understand her (Congratulations with this), which is Contradictory, to how she feels %26amp; sees you should be, towards her.
We Strongly Suggest, that you Re-Evaluate your ?, Pro-Life Views %26amp; you %26amp; your wife get Couples Counselling for this problem, before it Tears you Apart!
yours,
Ankhumen
she just has to get to the place where she can forgive herself
sometimes it is a must situation...time will heal...but it may
take a long time. = ( Its just a lesson she has to learn...let her grieve in her own way..can't change it...
i would let her know that you are there for her when she is having trouble with that issue and to let her know that if she needs a shoulder to cry on she can have yours.
Ask her how she still does. She is the only one who knows what it means to deal with the trauma.
You must LEt HER talk about it. She obviously feels that she has no voice with you, which means that you may well be preventing her from letting it go, learning how to live with it.
Think this is off the wall? Ask her.
yall should volunteer some were and share yalls story to help
other people who think that an abortion is the best choice
www.myspace.com/bangable1
Hay hi...I really understand the situation and just want to give you my little bit of wisdom....First is I think luisa_map has the right idea of a hug...Then she needs to know that she is allowed to grieve for her baby.... It might be what she needs to hear......Because unless she does this she will not be able to get past where she is....How ever the loss happened or how old the baby born or unborn psychologically she was pregnant and ';IT'; was a baby.... She suffered a loss and has to learn how to deal with it or maybe she is not sure how you will react to her sorrow....I give her my deepest condolences...But really she needs to grieve...Maybe she really does just need someone to give her that '; It's ok to grieve'; hug...I think so....But I wish you both all the best...God bless you both and keep you safe...Peace...
_____, I love you very much. We all have things in our past. I do not hold your past against you or think less of you. I see that the decision about your abortion affects you deeply still. How can I best help you with this? Then be quiet and listen.
';I'm very pro life..'; says a lot.
She knows you are, and it may be tearing her up inside that she's upset you.
Seek professional counseling together. I don't normally say that, but in this situation I think it's a good idea.
This is a BIG reason to get help. You BOTH need to get in there; she needs it because it damaged her psyche, you need it because you care about her and don't want to hurt her further. She NEEDS your support.
First I would see about finding a councelor that CAN help. Then I would suggestively ask her if she wants to go with you to check it out. At no point should you make her feel like you think less of her or that she is guilty of any wrong doing. Unfortunately, knowing your anti-abortion stance, she already has that in her subconcious.
Let her know that you are behind her and that you are always there for her to talk to. She may feel like you are against her. I know we all make mistakes...just love her, comfort her and be there for her. She will open up in her own time, don't push her...just let her know you are there for her!
Why do you need to talk to her about it ? She will talk to you if she wants. Don't make her feel any more guilty then she might already feel. It's great you don't condemn her for it. You are not her Judge. Her Judge is a very forgiving one. Please I am totally against abortion now but I will never make anyone feel bad if they made that mistake. So give her the option to talk about it to you or not. Nothing you can do about it now anyway.
I have been there myself. Tell her the only way I was able to not tear or feel badly of my choice at the time, was to ask God to forgive me. Once I did that, the pain was gone, the guilt was lifted and I could once again realize life.
Men think they always have to solve a woman's problem. She should go to counseling, this was her decision, she has to find a way with dealing with it.
Perhaps you can ask her if she'd like to speak to a professional about it. And that, if she wouldnt mind, you'd like to be a part of it with her. So that you can both understand how she can get to a point of forgiving herself, regardless of the circumstance.
This is a tough one. It's good to hear you are sensitive and willing to help her. It sounds like she could use some counseling. Perhaps she can go to a few sessions herself, and you could join in later.
Next time the abortion issue comes up, instead of awkward silence, give her a little hug - no need to say anything. Just your arm around her shoulders might make her feel better.
What are some of the ';other things'; that you mentioned in your question? That may have something to do with the situation. Is there anti-abortion material in your home? Have you made a point of publicizing your pro-life stance (besides in your question)? Have you attended pro-life rallies? Please don't take what I'm about to say the wrong way: your pro-life stance could be causing some of the problems. She's already having enough problems ';kicking her own behind.'; She doesn't need the constant reminders---she remembers enough.
Give her space---if she wants to discuss it with you, she will. Period.
I know where she's been---I had the same problem. I had an abortion with a previous relationship. I discussed it with my husband before I became pregnant with our first child--I felt that he needed to know. Now that we're divorcing, it's thrown up in my face constantly. Sometimes, things from the past (before our relationships) are better LEFT there.
Your wife would do well with professional counseling. It has helped me tremendously, and now, can even talk about it (see above).
BTW, if she has asked God to forgive her, then He has forgiven her, and it doesn't matter what ANYONE else thinks!
Feel free to e-mail me here from the site. I do care about her and what happens. I will pray for both of you!
Repeat to her exactly what you wrote in your initial question. Hopefully you can be as open with her as you can to all of us here.
Tell her you love her and are concerned about how it's affected her life and that you know it's an emotional issue for her. Be sure to also tell her that you place no judgment on her decision but that you want to be there for her if she needs to talk about it. Love, concern, tenderness and letting her know that you're there for her in any support capacity she may need whether it's just talking about it the issue or helping her find a professional to deal with it. Patience, above all else, will help her as she may not be able to talk about it just yet. Just let her know you're there for her when she is.
prayer is the best medicine for regrets...its something you should openly let her know you forgive her for. but let her know the only way to forgive herself is to know that god forgives her as well. make sure she knows she has your support..
Don't take any chances and seek professional help. What I think, you think and others will be different just as her probablem is. Seek professional help they know a smart way to help.
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