His entire family is very nice to his ex- and she's nice to everyone but him. Does anyone have any advice on how to cope with this situation? I don't want to make him choose between me and his kids and of course he says he does all this for his kids.A soon to be ex-wife; dealing?
she's still his wife and that comes with all the perks and family of the job. don't consider him 'yours' until the ink is dry on the divorce papers. and even then, you will be second to his family (ex and kids). it's tough to be the other woman but that's what you are. his family is nice to her because she is part of their family, you aren't.
takes a strong woman to deal with all this. don't assume you are that woman until he is divorced and you are married to him.A soon to be ex-wife; dealing?
If that was the agreement that he %26amp; his now wife decided on leave it be that is his responsibility! The ranch as you said is ';their house'; The wife will be in his life forever! They have kids why make matters worse and if he can afford it leave it be if it make it easier fore the children? If he and his still wife were fighting and making the children unhappy would that make you happier? Are you insecure? You knew he had a wife this is nothing new, grow up and get over it!
Of course his family is nice to here, she has their grand babies, and sometimes just because the son divorces, doesnt mean the family does. i know many couples whose families are still like best friends with the exes...its strange to me, but it works for them...
Deal with what situation shes not bothering you so what do you have to deal with. Unless you are pissed that he pays all that stuff for her and his kids if that is what you mean then you are trying to make him choose between you and his kids.
When you met him he had his soon-to-be-ex wife and you were ok enough with the situation to pursue it. In that case you should live with the situation. The lady does not bother you then don't bother her.
She's not a soon to be ex-wife. She is still his wife. After four years they haven't separated and are not going to ';for the kids sake';. Until they actually end the marriage, he is having an affair with you.
I dont understand what the problem is. It sounds like he wants his ex and his children to be happy. Their marraige didnt work out but he still cares for her welfare. Honestly, I dont see the problem.
Step back from the situation -- if this was your best friend in the middle of this, instead of you, what would you tell her?
You'd tell her ';Move on.';
Right now, he's got the best of all possible worlds -- his wife (make no mistake, she IS his wife) and his kids close by, and a mistress in his bed. What's not to like?
You don't want to make him choose between you and the kids, because you are afraid that he'd choose the kids. You're probably right. That means that he's not committed to his relationship and is only using you.
So, don't make him choose. Why should you sit around hoping that he'll choose Door Number Two? YOU choose to stay, or to go. If you want to stay, stay with your eyes wide open that this is the way it is, and stop moaning about it. If you want something more than he is willing to give you, then YOU LEAVE. You don't give him a choice -- YOU make the choice.
This seems like a very difficult situation and I'm happy to see you're putting thought into it.
Hopefully his ex-wife can control any feelings of animosity or even jealousy and a civil or even friendly relationship with you. The way she treats your boyfriend may not be fair, but it is based on probably a lot of hurt feelings (both ways) despite how responsible and generous he is being. I think it is in everyone's interest to maintain respectful and civil relations because eventually the hurt and bitterness subsides and you have nothing to regret.
My advice is that even though she may seem very rude or mean in your opinion, do your best to understand some of the insecurities or sadness or frustration she may have felt. It doesn't justify her actions but it may help you understand her enough to treat her with respect and gain hers in return. There is no reason why your boyfriend can't have his kids, an amicable relationship with his ex-wife, and still develop a wonderful relationship with you as well.
If all parties can be mature enough to deal with their negative feelings on their own without being rude or spiteful, then the kids will benefit and everyone else will too.
I encourage you to speak calmly and honestly about your feelings with your boyfriend. You can support each other in being bigger, stronger, kinder, more patient people every day you are together. Hopefully the ex-wife has some kind of support system in her world to do the same.
And please make sure the kids don't ever have to pick sides. I had to do that as a child several times and it has cause scars that took 'til adulthood to heal.
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