Wednesday, August 18, 2010

How do you deal with an Ex-wife when they have small children?

She calls and wants to cry and wonder what went wrong. I tell him how I feel and he tells me he loves me and wants no other women but me. It bothers me....i am about to explode.How do you deal with an Ex-wife when they have small children?
The problem here is your hubby trivializing your concerns. When you tell him this bothers you (and it would bother anyone!), there's only one correct response on his part: end it. You're not being unreasonable, nor is he addressing the issue by telling you how much he loves you.





This is completely inappropriate, so don't second guess yourself on that one. But the issue isn't the ex-wife, or getting caller ID, or all these extraneous things. The issue is your hubby.





You may have to get a bit more assertive and tell him if this continues, you're leaving. (Hopefully for just a night or so, but if words aren't getting it done, you're forced to ratchet it up a notch).





And if THAT doesn't get his attention, I do think you have a serious problem here, because his need to interact with his ex in a ';romantic'; sense is stronger than his need to make you happy. And usually only counseling would solve this. Good luck to you, I know this must be awful..How do you deal with an Ex-wife when they have small children?
Unfortunately, there is no other way, than to be the better person. If your boyfriend loves you, then believe it, if he's a good man, then accept it. They are his kids.





Some exes, are vicious and mean, rezentful and hell bent on getting the guy or the girl back, but some exes like me, accept that it's over and move on, grateful that the kids have a dad that cares, and that they can take them for the weekends to share the responsibility, instead of chasing them away with silly bouts of insecurity.





Don't let yourself be insecure. If he loves you accept it, but talk to him, let him know that maybe he needs to talk to her or let you talk to her, sometimes reality hits harder if you are adult enough to have a conversation with this love scorned ex, otherwise, if he keeps talking to her every time she cries, it's going to be hard for both of you to move on...good luck to you.
unfortunately you'll have to deal with your husbands ex. wife for the remaining 18 yrs. exploding at this point is not going to do you any good. your husband must communicate with his ex. for the children's sake, and the children deserve to have their father in their lives.





so many women, find themselves in the same situation you're in right now. somehow your going to have too find the courage to deal with her


when she calls. when we get angry, sometimes we forget to breathe. when you become upset, stop whatever you're doing and begin to count to ten. breathe deeply, so deeply that you can feel the breathe in your stomach. breathe in through your mouth and out through your nose. you can also imagine yourself, in a peacrful place. such as a park, a lake, in a meadow, etc.





i know you're having a hard time dealing with her, but for your husbands sake try to deal with this in a respectful and pleasent way. he needs you to help him through, and you can be an asset to him in this situation. don't be envious either, he married you, and you're the one he comes home to every night. don't allow her to negatively affect your marriage and be there for one another. you can make it through this, it may be difficult at times, but allow this to bring you together rather than break you apart. he loves you and remember she is not his wife, you are! i hope you two can make it through this, be patient, and loving, and be proud you are his wife!!!





i wish you luck
Tell him that unless the call is about his children, it needs to be ended immediately. Obviously he has to speak to her about the children but he can limit it to that.
He needs to set boundries with the ex, but you can't make him do it, he has to. If your not married to this guy, I would consider moving on....he may not be over his ex if he still wants to talk to her.
Use caller ID and screen calls. If it is an emergency he can call her back, otherwise she will get the hint that he is not a shoulder for her to cry on.

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