My wife and I have been married for 8 1/2 years and we have a 21 month old daughter. We had been on the rocks now for 2 months now, and it recently turned for the worse when she said she wanted to move out. I questioned her motives and she said that we were more like roomates now than husband and wife. It also came out that she had an ';interest'; in a guy from her work who she had 'hooked up'; with but not had sex with as yet. We went to counseling together, and she went alone as well. Nothing helped. I even forgave her for her indescretion and asked that we commit ourselves 100% for 30 days to see if we could make it work for our sake as well as our daughters. She thought about it for 2 days and then said she couldn't do it. I even had agreed to separate as long as we agreed not to see other people, and she wouldn't commit to that either.
My mom and dad died last year, and this was the only family that I have, I have done everything I could to keep things together. I don't understand how this woman that I have known and been best friends with for so many years can be so cold to me all of a sudden. She has already told me that I am better looking than this other guy, I keep myself in very good shape, I am in the gym 5 days a week because I always wanted her to have a good opinion of me, but then why go for someone else?
I thought that if this ever happened that I would want to be with as many women as possible, but I haven't even been able to get my head around it. I went to the Dr. and he put me on a low dose of anti-depressants, but even that has not worked well. I think I could have normally handled this ok, but it has just been a series of 5 years of problems. Deaths, financial issues, and now this. I find myself pacing about, and am having problems thinking of anything else. The only thing that has helped is to drink, but I still have to work. I want to be able to turn this off...to hate her if I have to, but I can't right now. How did any of you deal with something similar? I need to figure this out...your thoughts?How do I deal with my wife leaving me and the pain/anxiety?
The first thing you need to do is call this depression, anxiety, sadness, frustration, and regret to a halt RIGHT NOW. You have a child to think about. This may seem like 5 years of hell that you've been through but keep in mind that you, my friend, are only in Chapter 4 of your life and the book isn't over yet. To get to the next (better) chapter, you must get past THIS. You have to. There is no other option. Your wife says she doesn't love you. That's her problem, not yours and I'm saying that from life experience. After 10 years of marriage, I said the same exact thing to my ex and it was because I'd gotten sick and tired of being sick and tired and there were no changes happening and I made a choice. She made a choice. She has a right to do that. Don't take it personally. You could've spent 10 hours a day in the gym and, if that's what she wanted to do, it wouldn't have made a difference.
Remember that you are perfect just as you are. Remember that you deserve the best. Remember that you don't teach your children what true love is by being in a marriage with someone who doesn't have it for you. Remember that there are great big lessons to learn from your parents death and from her leaving. You have a choice. This can be an obstacle or it can be an opportunity. You never know how strong you are until you have to be the one to encourage yourself and get through this.
Know that everything happens for a reason. Know that you can handle this and use this situation to be the best man you can be, rise to the occasion, handle your business, and move on with joy and ease. Your child will be fine, as long as she sees at least one parent who is.
Stay strong...How do I deal with my wife leaving me and the pain/anxiety?
try a new activity within the community..take a night course at college..
leave her. i am sorry to ssay but she is not in love with you.
get a dog (no,really)
excuse me, but I have only one answer for you and your wife, and that is Jesus Christ.
If you are still reading, I would suggest that you find a bible and start reading it, I mean if your marriage is really worth saving and you are down to nothing else, than just pick up and start reading. Remember, you are going to be up against a force that will want to kill your marriage and get you upset and angry and even want to kill.
You are the Leader of your Family, you need to do leader things. Lead your Family by example and not by some sermon. Lean on God and God will be your Strength. I would suggest you start reading in the book of John first, then you can read all the others later, but read that one first and God's Word will not let you down.
See, I was in your situation, but I had some real bad things happen and I ended up in jail, but God is faithful and delivered me from certain anguish. I can only share what God has done, you are going to have to have faith, without it you are not going to have peace. You need to believe in what you do and do what you believe. It is going to be up hill all the way, and if you feel comfortable, then you are not growing, you need to be active in making things different, not one who is going to sit back and let things go as they may. It isn't about your looks or how you are today, it is what your wife is missing in her life as well. She needs something more and the only thing that is going to make any difference is what God does or doesn't do for you both.
No woman walks away from a great relationship and/or marriage. We're not made up that way. You need to find your responsibility in the breakdown and breakup of your marriage. What was your part?
It sounds like she's made her mind up. So, what's next? You need to:
1. Take an honest look at your role;
2. Acknowledge the mistakes you made;
3. Forgive yourself for those mistakes;
4. Forgive your wife for her role and mistakes; and
5. Take one day at a time.
In time, you will heal and maybe even find love again. Good luck to you.
I'm sorry you're going through this. There is nothing you can do to keep someone around that does not want to be with you. You need to accept her decsion and then go about living your life and doing what is best for your daughter. Continue going to counseling, exercise, spend time with your daughter and keep things as stable as possible for her. If you don't go to church, find a bible-based church and start going. You will find new friends, and a new life. Put her behind you and stop looking back. It is hard medicine. Trust me friend, I've been there. You will survive.
You can't make someone love you, that's the bottom line. She obviously doesn't love you. I'd have to say that this has been going on for quite some time. Her interest in another man is because she is missing something in her marriage. Maybe someone to talk to, maybe she has sexual needs. She is looking for someone to fill that one thing that lacks in you. Chances are...if she finds out this man doesn't have it, she will move on from him too. I know it's hard right now but you gotta think on the positive side of things. There is a bright spot in everything we do, sometimes you just gotta dig for it but it's there.
She sounds like she in control of things (decisions). Take your control back and start dictating your own life. Start living each day happy without any regard to her. Isn't that what she is doing to you?
Good Luck!
there is another guy that is dealing with your same problems... i know this is very hard for you i can see it in the way you word and talk, but this is a bump in the road that im sure you will get through. try doing this once. sit down when you have some alone time, and write a letter to her. in the letter write from your heart and yes even make it sappy. tell her how you feel about her, tell her how much you love her... sometimes, people have to separate for a time to realize how much they love the other person. yea she might be with another guy but if she loves you then she will come back. if she lets you, start doing some special things just the two of you together. sometimes it just takes one person to stand up for both to work together. if she doesn't love you any more than your gonna have to let her go unfortunatly... start going to a church or something rather than drinking though because in the end that will make you more miserable... start meeting different women, there is probably some one out there that will stay commited to you and who will love you... ill be prayin... good luck!
Shes having an affair,don't think for a second that it didn't get physical because its not the truth.You have to know the truth before you can even start to deal with this emotionally.I think that with all of the counseling and attention you are giving her it is making her take advantage of you,take the ball out of her court and bring the hammer down on the relationship.Im telling you,I did everything your doing and it backfired,kindness and attention doesn't work in this situation,if you want her to wake up then stop being so nice and give her an ultimatum.Try this one,get all dressed up and tell you your going out for a couple of drinks with a friend from work,don't mention anything else,just walk out the door and come home at 4 am,that will rattle her cage.You to available and willing to be her doormat,toughen up and you will feel better about yourself also.
there's a web site that you can visit to talk with others in similar situations as yours... I did a quick online search and found this discussion board
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=postlist%26amp;Board=32%26amp;PHPSESSID=
it's on the Marriage Builders website, but it's the divorcing / divorced section...
if that one doesn't help you, you can do your own online search.
I know that when my husband passed away (not the same thing as a divorce, but equally hard to deal with) it was a web forum that helped me to cope. It was helpful to be able to discuss things with others who were going through the same thing that I was...
you should definitely try it.
Hey man - altho I didnt read ur entire story, 2 months of ';on the rocks';? ****, thats easy. How about 4 years? Still working on it, still faithful to eachother, and still want it to work, so if u guys need to separate for a while, so be it. U have a young life in ur hands that is urs to mold. Dont squish it with ur current pains.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I'm 18 and my mom did the same thing to my dad. They were together about 15 years and he still loved her. She fell ';in love'; with this guy that was so gross and ugly and too poor to even take care of her. He STILL can barely take care of her and she gripes all the time about how bad he treats her. It's not because of looks. You look great I'm sure! It's about wanting something that's ';out of bounds'; for them. They like attention from new people. I don't doubt that she still has feelings for you she's just caught up in her selfish thinking. It's not your fault and you've done all you can do. the best thing to do now is just focus on yourself and find something that makes you at least a little happy. Find a hobby. FORCE yourself to go out and spend time with friends. Isolating yourself is the WORST thing you can do and will only make you focus on your problems more. As for meds...my mother had depression and they never helped her. They made it worse. So I'm not much for those. But more power to ya if you find some that work! :)
Get a cat. My doctor actually recommended that and I did. Keep talking to someone.
I got a divorce and thought my whole world was over but after a long period of grieving I moved on. Mine also came at a really rough time. I got injured in the Army and was getting medically discharged. My career and family was gone. I did a LOT of drinking. I probably should have died from alcohol poisoning more then once.
It just takes time. LOTS of time. It sucks, I know. It gets better though in time. In the meantime find activities of interest and keep busy. Get OUT of the house. I know you don't want to but sitting around gives you time to sit around and feel sorry for yourself. Join a bowling league or something similar and make some good friends if you don't have many.
Last year I even did something I swore I would never do. I got married again. I'm even happier then I was the first time and didn't think that was even possible.
I cant tell you whats in her head my friend. but drugs and alchohol
do not help it makes things worse. Focus on your baby, Let the girl go
and spend some time by yourself. and save some money. and
go out and find something to do with your free time to get your mind
off things. It works. after a few weeks the pain goes away. goodluck
god bless you
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