one min she is nice and the other min she hates me. I like to hug and kiss. She dose not want to be near me. It is hurting our marriage. I think i am going to lose her. What to do?How do i deal with my wife pregnancy?
It is hormonal. She is not doing it to hurt you she may not even realize it. She feels fat ugly. He breasts hurt, she has to pee all the time. She feels tired all the time. Try doing dishes cleaning up, make dinner. Draw a nice bubble bath for her with candles and soft music, give her foot rubs, get her cards that tell her how much you love her and how beautiful she is. You will make it through this.
Good luck LindaHow do i deal with my wife pregnancy?
Go this weekend to the bookstore and look through the pregnancy section. There are books specifically written for the dads-to-be in mind. Women go through alot of homornal changes during pregnancy, which explains some of the mood swings. But there may be other issues going on. She could be nervous about the pregnancy. She could feel like you're not 100% on board. You just need to talk to her.....BUT ONLY AFTER you read the book or books. Those will tell you what's kind of normal and what's not. I wouldn't let her treat me like crap just because she's pregnant. This is supposed to be a fun, loving time.
Good thing is its over in 9 months unless she has problems with hormones after the birth then maybe another year. Shes hormonal dont take it personal...its not like she wants to be that way. Not everything is about you so try to remember that she is pregnant and has no control over what she is doing. Stop being a puzzy.
she is just hormonal right now that's all just put her on a pedestal and be super nice to her also do not do anything to loose her and do not look at other women right now she needs to feel she is the most important thing to you and does not any extra stress! you will get threw this good luck with the new baby!
Grin and bear it! When women are pregnant they are going through massive hormone and who knows what other transitions in their bodies. They are, to put it bluntly, not really responsible for their mood swings and outbursts. The old saying of a pregnant craving pickles and ice cream is not too far from the truth.
Just be patient and go along with her mood swings.
Well do you remember what you did to get her that way??
You had your nite of fun and now she's having 9 months of ';fun'; and making you as miserable as she is FEELING.
She loves you reguardless...it's hormones!
Deal with it....that's what a REAL HUBBY would do and know it won't last forever!!
Really? Just because shes has mood swings you think shes gonna leave?? Dude, shes PREGNANT. Get used to it! Shes going to have ups and downs a million times a day! Yes it hurt and yes its annoying but its the hormones talking! Come on now.... Just get over it because its not going to stop, she cant control it and its not anyones fault. Just try to make her happy (within reason) and if she gets mad dont take it personally. Havent you ever been around a pregnant woman?
It will only hurt your marriage if you let it
pregnancy is hard because of the hormones and everything else she is going through it doesnt mean she hates you
you need to try to understand her in this state and support her
why would you think you are going to lose her?
hormones play abig part in pregnancy. i had three kids and each time i was different. you just have to bear with her and let her know you still love her and will be there for her through all this, she doesnt realize what is really going on with her. good luck. hang in there it will over soon.
It has nothing to do with you. I was discusted with being touched when I was pregnant the first time. I am pregnant for a second time %26amp; it doesn't bother me at all. You have to learn to deal with it, both of you.
Just be patient. Her hormones are all over the place right now. This is something you can't understand. I'm sure she still loves you. In fact, I doubt even she realizes what is happening to her.
it is hormones. try to be patient. whatever she says/does right now, she does not want to lose the father of her baby. she is scared and hormonally off. good luck. patience, m'friend.
You may think you have it rough, but shes dealing with it harder than you...support her, shes carrying your child...dont let it affect your marriage, shes not in control of her emotions right now...just laugh it off
This is hormonal and normal. Give her space when she needs it, offer to rub her feet and back.
is it really that bad to where u think u might loose your marriage? try and communicate to her that you are trying to help
rub her tummy and tell her she's the most beautiful woman you've ever seen.
Don't bug her. Just be nice
Friday, August 20, 2010
Atheists, how is a guy supposed to deal with a wife/girlfriend that doesnt listen?
As in, say you tell her not to do something, and then she does it anyway. And then you tell her again not to do something, and she does it anyway.
How is that supposed to be dealt with here in the West?Atheists, how is a guy supposed to deal with a wife/girlfriend that doesnt listen?
Shes not a child,she can do what she pleases.Atheists, how is a guy supposed to deal with a wife/girlfriend that doesnt listen?
i would say they speak out their issues with one another and if this does not happen they find ways to make peace; some, like most of society will keep sex from the other as a way to get back at them for the hurt that has been endured and they will give their life for their love ones too just like Christians. I know this because I work (therapy) with them and also with Christian couples with the same ideas.
They are normal people LofJ, just because they do not believe in God does not make them uncivilized people; they also love one another and are like most, make mistakes in their behaviors and reactions.
She is listening and she is not doing as you say.
Either you change, or you leave her.
Suppose you ask her to be a prostitute, or to kidnap for you - and she doesn't do it. That doesn't mean she's not listening, she's just not doing what you ask.
You can either get used to her not being a prostitute, or you can find another girl friend.
Try not telling her what to do for a change.
What are you, her father?
You're not supposed to ';do'; anything.
If you're her father, and she is under 18, then tell her to go to her room.
If your her boss, then tell her if she cannot follow your instructions, then you will fire her.
If she is your wife/GF, then try treating her with respect. Something you clearly have no understanding of.
(In a whiny little b*tch voice:)
';What am I supposed to do?';
Puhleeeze!
You're lucky you're not MY BF. I'd b*tch slap you for telling ME what to do!
Same way a woman deals with it when her husband doesn't listen to her. You cope. (Maybe it wasn't something you should have been telling her about, anyway? Maybe she really did know better? Did that ever occur to you?)
Instead of demanding things.. you talk through them and explain your stance, focusing on the importance of the issue to you. She explains her stance, maybe she's not at fault.
If she continues or you can't deal, You break it off.
You do not own her. If she wants to do something, hell, she can do it. You can't deny her free-will or she'll divorce/break up with you. Again, you don't own her.
That's why it's important to date and find a woman you respect and who respects you in turn before committing to marriage.
You could always break up with her, and find someone a little more submissive who doesn't mind being told what to do/what not to do.
.
Lol, the price of independence...
Do you do everything 'she' says?
Perhaps if you weren't so controlling she would listen to you more.
Say it. Say you have a problem with her doing it.
You are not suggesting you should have command over her, are you?
Repeat after me: ';Yes, dear';.
Relationships are an equal partnership, not a master slave relationship.
If you can't figure that out, stay single.
Haha. Troll. Buy yourself a wife from the East and enjoy until she leaves with the money she came for.
You don't tell her. You request, you reason, you convince, you negotiate, as if she were *gasp* *horrors* your PEER.
Girlfriends are like city buses. One cruises by every ten minutes. Some stop where you're standing.
First thing you need to do is get a girlfriend.
I find that talking with my mate helps me out, instead of being a demanding ****
She's not your slave, deal with that
why only atheists? you deal with her.
The Atheati has really gone to sh*t these days...
What's this got to do with being an atheist?
Divorce. It's in her best interest.
tell her to do it
uhhh well then maybe you should stop telling her what to do
what does that have to do with atheism...?
maybe she just doesn't want to do whatever it is you are telling her to do?
We don't order our wives around like children here.
Violation Notice stole my words: Tell her to do it. She will stop.
As the great Sean Connery said:
';When you've tried everything else, its ok to hit a woman';hijackthis web development
How is that supposed to be dealt with here in the West?Atheists, how is a guy supposed to deal with a wife/girlfriend that doesnt listen?
Shes not a child,she can do what she pleases.Atheists, how is a guy supposed to deal with a wife/girlfriend that doesnt listen?
i would say they speak out their issues with one another and if this does not happen they find ways to make peace; some, like most of society will keep sex from the other as a way to get back at them for the hurt that has been endured and they will give their life for their love ones too just like Christians. I know this because I work (therapy) with them and also with Christian couples with the same ideas.
They are normal people LofJ, just because they do not believe in God does not make them uncivilized people; they also love one another and are like most, make mistakes in their behaviors and reactions.
She is listening and she is not doing as you say.
Either you change, or you leave her.
Suppose you ask her to be a prostitute, or to kidnap for you - and she doesn't do it. That doesn't mean she's not listening, she's just not doing what you ask.
You can either get used to her not being a prostitute, or you can find another girl friend.
Try not telling her what to do for a change.
What are you, her father?
You're not supposed to ';do'; anything.
If you're her father, and she is under 18, then tell her to go to her room.
If your her boss, then tell her if she cannot follow your instructions, then you will fire her.
If she is your wife/GF, then try treating her with respect. Something you clearly have no understanding of.
(In a whiny little b*tch voice:)
';What am I supposed to do?';
Puhleeeze!
You're lucky you're not MY BF. I'd b*tch slap you for telling ME what to do!
Same way a woman deals with it when her husband doesn't listen to her. You cope. (Maybe it wasn't something you should have been telling her about, anyway? Maybe she really did know better? Did that ever occur to you?)
Instead of demanding things.. you talk through them and explain your stance, focusing on the importance of the issue to you. She explains her stance, maybe she's not at fault.
If she continues or you can't deal, You break it off.
You do not own her. If she wants to do something, hell, she can do it. You can't deny her free-will or she'll divorce/break up with you. Again, you don't own her.
That's why it's important to date and find a woman you respect and who respects you in turn before committing to marriage.
You could always break up with her, and find someone a little more submissive who doesn't mind being told what to do/what not to do.
.
Lol, the price of independence...
Do you do everything 'she' says?
Perhaps if you weren't so controlling she would listen to you more.
Say it. Say you have a problem with her doing it.
You are not suggesting you should have command over her, are you?
Repeat after me: ';Yes, dear';.
Relationships are an equal partnership, not a master slave relationship.
If you can't figure that out, stay single.
Haha. Troll. Buy yourself a wife from the East and enjoy until she leaves with the money she came for.
You don't tell her. You request, you reason, you convince, you negotiate, as if she were *gasp* *horrors* your PEER.
Girlfriends are like city buses. One cruises by every ten minutes. Some stop where you're standing.
First thing you need to do is get a girlfriend.
I find that talking with my mate helps me out, instead of being a demanding ****
She's not your slave, deal with that
why only atheists? you deal with her.
The Atheati has really gone to sh*t these days...
What's this got to do with being an atheist?
Divorce. It's in her best interest.
tell her to do it
uhhh well then maybe you should stop telling her what to do
what does that have to do with atheism...?
maybe she just doesn't want to do whatever it is you are telling her to do?
We don't order our wives around like children here.
Violation Notice stole my words: Tell her to do it. She will stop.
As the great Sean Connery said:
';When you've tried everything else, its ok to hit a woman';
How to deal with a wife that wants a divorce but still wants to have sex with you?
and tell you how to run your life.raise hell with your children and even try to make them fight her . she works as a guard in a prison and thinks she rules over all people shes aroundHow to deal with a wife that wants a divorce but still wants to have sex with you?
Tell her it's one or the other
Divorce means no sex, and sex means no divorce
As for the answerer above ...... why the hell should the asker leave instead of his wife, seems to me she's the unreasonable one so should be the one leaving.How to deal with a wife that wants a divorce but still wants to have sex with you?
tell her if you want one thing you gotta take the whole package and tell her that she needs to respect the way you raise your kids and that she isnt the controller of every one. if she freaks maybe you should get a divorce.
wahh, ur wife sound more like a husband to me cos her egoistic is extremely strong eh.. Have u try to have a heart-to-heart talk with her? for ur children's sake, i advise try to reconcile. Gd Luck!
That's a tough deal. A marriage therapist can help you with this emotional yo-yo you're on. Something else is going on with her and if she won't see a therapist, go alone. Meanwhile, tell her that the good times in the hays are over until you know she's either committed to making the marriage work or not. Good luck! .
I think it would be best for your children and you if you just left. Sex means nothing if there is no love or communication.
divorce her
take the kids
dont listen to her
and
dont have sex with her
Once the divorce papers are signed the sex goes too. Think more of yourself than that.
protect your kids from her! that is all .
She's trying to push you to dominate her. If you're not strong enough to, then find yourself someone weaker.
Get a lawyer and tell her to go eat sh*t! You and your children are not her prisoners!!!
thats retarded. if she cant give her heart, then she cant give you head. ok?
File for divorce and tell her if she wants sex she has to stay married and in order to stay married she has to agree to go to counseling because contrary to her popular beliefs ,she DOES have problems!Tell her you can make her lose her job by trying to make her kids fight her.This will take some of the wind out of her sail.Then tell her it's either go to counseling or divorce quietly.Her choice.
You need to have a serious talk with her.
First tell her if she's asking for divorce then the sex is over, and she should know due to the kind of job she has, than even if she's the woman, force sex is rape, no matter who the offender is. Might sound ridiculous but that's the fact.
Also, if she's provoking the children to ';fight'; her that's child abuse and negligence, and you could get child custody of then in case of divorce.
If things keep getting worst it'll be a good idea to have a camera somewhere to prove your case in a divorce court. Don't let her abuse you and your children.
You dun have to deal with it, it either you agree to it or simply ignore it. Agreeing to divorce and still remain as one of her sex partner. Ignoring meaning get the divorce and get out of sex forever with her.
Next time, get a nurse ya.
From experience, get away from her. Tell her it's either all or nothing and since she wants a divorce, she has already made the choice of nothing. Oh, and don't give in when she comes on to you. You are just adding fuel to the fire.
either ur a pussy ans is scared if your wife or this is a total fake.
GO TO JERRY SPRINGER!
grow some balls and cut her off, she only wants booty until she finds someone else!!!!!
Her way of saying your good in bed, but personally an idiot. You can be an idiot and keep giving her some, or cut her dry my man. My bet is, your weak LOL (Men Typically are).
as long as your married, you might as well act like husband and wife and have sex. As for ruling over all people, don't all wives do that?
Tell her it's one or the other
Divorce means no sex, and sex means no divorce
As for the answerer above ...... why the hell should the asker leave instead of his wife, seems to me she's the unreasonable one so should be the one leaving.How to deal with a wife that wants a divorce but still wants to have sex with you?
tell her if you want one thing you gotta take the whole package and tell her that she needs to respect the way you raise your kids and that she isnt the controller of every one. if she freaks maybe you should get a divorce.
wahh, ur wife sound more like a husband to me cos her egoistic is extremely strong eh.. Have u try to have a heart-to-heart talk with her? for ur children's sake, i advise try to reconcile. Gd Luck!
That's a tough deal. A marriage therapist can help you with this emotional yo-yo you're on. Something else is going on with her and if she won't see a therapist, go alone. Meanwhile, tell her that the good times in the hays are over until you know she's either committed to making the marriage work or not. Good luck! .
I think it would be best for your children and you if you just left. Sex means nothing if there is no love or communication.
divorce her
take the kids
dont listen to her
and
dont have sex with her
Once the divorce papers are signed the sex goes too. Think more of yourself than that.
protect your kids from her! that is all .
She's trying to push you to dominate her. If you're not strong enough to, then find yourself someone weaker.
Get a lawyer and tell her to go eat sh*t! You and your children are not her prisoners!!!
thats retarded. if she cant give her heart, then she cant give you head. ok?
File for divorce and tell her if she wants sex she has to stay married and in order to stay married she has to agree to go to counseling because contrary to her popular beliefs ,she DOES have problems!Tell her you can make her lose her job by trying to make her kids fight her.This will take some of the wind out of her sail.Then tell her it's either go to counseling or divorce quietly.Her choice.
You need to have a serious talk with her.
First tell her if she's asking for divorce then the sex is over, and she should know due to the kind of job she has, than even if she's the woman, force sex is rape, no matter who the offender is. Might sound ridiculous but that's the fact.
Also, if she's provoking the children to ';fight'; her that's child abuse and negligence, and you could get child custody of then in case of divorce.
If things keep getting worst it'll be a good idea to have a camera somewhere to prove your case in a divorce court. Don't let her abuse you and your children.
You dun have to deal with it, it either you agree to it or simply ignore it. Agreeing to divorce and still remain as one of her sex partner. Ignoring meaning get the divorce and get out of sex forever with her.
Next time, get a nurse ya.
From experience, get away from her. Tell her it's either all or nothing and since she wants a divorce, she has already made the choice of nothing. Oh, and don't give in when she comes on to you. You are just adding fuel to the fire.
either ur a pussy ans is scared if your wife or this is a total fake.
GO TO JERRY SPRINGER!
grow some balls and cut her off, she only wants booty until she finds someone else!!!!!
Her way of saying your good in bed, but personally an idiot. You can be an idiot and keep giving her some, or cut her dry my man. My bet is, your weak LOL (Men Typically are).
as long as your married, you might as well act like husband and wife and have sex. As for ruling over all people, don't all wives do that?
How do you deal with your wife, parents, friends not wanting you in there lives?
i suffer from p.d.s.d., anxiety, a.d.h.d. innatentive, depression. i am on med's, cant afford counceling and i hate the way i am!! looking for help not pitty. also i am very scared to be in a friendship or more with anyone in person. it seems like god cant help me!!!!!!! i have 3 kids, now 2 ex-wives and a life i cant control.How do you deal with your wife, parents, friends not wanting you in there lives?
ok i understand i have depression i get depressed for no reason but im scarred to tell my parents and i think im bi polar every1 agrees but doctores can help you get controll over ur life again, depression has pills for it and so does adhd, as for me i dont have friends, my family ignores me, and i dont know about myself i usley hide it but u shouldent ask for a drs help are som1 u can trust
ok i understand i have depression i get depressed for no reason but im scarred to tell my parents and i think im bi polar every1 agrees but doctores can help you get controll over ur life again, depression has pills for it and so does adhd, as for me i dont have friends, my family ignores me, and i dont know about myself i usley hide it but u shouldent ask for a drs help are som1 u can trust
Shared interests in marriage? How important is it for a woman to share ALL of her husbands interests?
I am getting married in April. There are things I do not expect my fiancee to be interested in simply because I enjoy them but it does not seem to be vice versa. I support a lot of what he does and participate in a great deal of his interests, but there are just some things I am not interested in like British comedy, or going to Arkansas, or sitting in 100 degree heat when he has a gig to play outdoors. As I said, I support at least 90% of his interests and dreams and desires, but that 10% left over is for things I am interested in like pursuing a doctorate, teaching online classes, taking dance classes.
How do you wives deal with sharing your husbands interests? Men, how much of your wifes' attention do you require with regard to your interests?Shared interests in marriage? How important is it for a woman to share ALL of her husbands interests?
Leaving 10% for your self is just right. Remember, husbands never give their wives 100% so why should we? Being married to someone should not be losing one's own identity. Continue pursuing your interests. Keep learning, keep growing. You shouldl not be left behind while your husband develops his own interest.Shared interests in marriage? How important is it for a woman to share ALL of her husbands interests?
You don't have to share all his interests. Just because you're getting married doesn't mean you have to melt in to one person. You're still two seperate people. Just support him with them as he should support you with yours.
90%!!! wow! that's more than enough. Lucky guy! You shouldn't be worried about the 10%....
You don't have do all your your husbands interest. BUT! you better show interest in what he does as he should in what you do. Again doing what others like or showing interest are two different things.
Myself I would rather share and do everything with my wife than to be off doing something without her.
Marriage if a 100% commitment to each other not at 50/50 split.
It is important for both of you to share interests of the other.
will you look at this?
Opposites May Attract, But Will The Marriage Survive?
http://www.yourromanceguide.com/articles鈥?/a>
only control freaks want their wives around constantly. personal space is important. more important is shared backgrounds and a similar moral compass.
I think you have an excellent attitude on this! In my case, I share at least 80% of my husband's activities simply because it's a mutual thing we both enjoy doing. The other 20% is spent on our own pursuits and endeavors. I personally don't feel you are required to do everything together and time spent apart can be just as productive as time spent together. It helps to build both your growth and separate identities and helps you to become better people for each other. However, it's also important to participate in each other's interests once in a while. It helps you to appreciate one another. My husband does not expect me to be interested in his ';thing'; and likewise. We have a mutual understanding on this and we respect each other's need for space.
Not necessary to share all his interests. But do be connected to each others lives as much as possible. Do not drift apart because of different interests.
How do you wives deal with sharing your husbands interests? Men, how much of your wifes' attention do you require with regard to your interests?Shared interests in marriage? How important is it for a woman to share ALL of her husbands interests?
Leaving 10% for your self is just right. Remember, husbands never give their wives 100% so why should we? Being married to someone should not be losing one's own identity. Continue pursuing your interests. Keep learning, keep growing. You shouldl not be left behind while your husband develops his own interest.Shared interests in marriage? How important is it for a woman to share ALL of her husbands interests?
You don't have to share all his interests. Just because you're getting married doesn't mean you have to melt in to one person. You're still two seperate people. Just support him with them as he should support you with yours.
Report Abuse
90%!!! wow! that's more than enough. Lucky guy! You shouldn't be worried about the 10%....
You don't have do all your your husbands interest. BUT! you better show interest in what he does as he should in what you do. Again doing what others like or showing interest are two different things.
Myself I would rather share and do everything with my wife than to be off doing something without her.
Marriage if a 100% commitment to each other not at 50/50 split.
It is important for both of you to share interests of the other.
will you look at this?
Opposites May Attract, But Will The Marriage Survive?
http://www.yourromanceguide.com/articles鈥?/a>
only control freaks want their wives around constantly. personal space is important. more important is shared backgrounds and a similar moral compass.
I think you have an excellent attitude on this! In my case, I share at least 80% of my husband's activities simply because it's a mutual thing we both enjoy doing. The other 20% is spent on our own pursuits and endeavors. I personally don't feel you are required to do everything together and time spent apart can be just as productive as time spent together. It helps to build both your growth and separate identities and helps you to become better people for each other. However, it's also important to participate in each other's interests once in a while. It helps you to appreciate one another. My husband does not expect me to be interested in his ';thing'; and likewise. We have a mutual understanding on this and we respect each other's need for space.
Not necessary to share all his interests. But do be connected to each others lives as much as possible. Do not drift apart because of different interests.
How to deal with a wife that spoils her children especaily her son?
I am the new step parent of 2 years.How to deal with a wife that spoils her children especaily her son?
Man, it's hard to say without knowing you and your situation, but I would think that is something you should have recognized before you got married and discussed it with her. However, she needs to accept that SHE chose YOU to be the FATHER of her children, making them your children as well. You need to discuss it with her. Don't fight, don't argue, discuss. If you can't then I hate to tell you this, Brother, but you married the wrong woman. Let her know specifically what you think she should and should not be doing and how it will directly and eventually affect YOUR childrens' behavior. Remember, they are YOURS now, too. If you are Christians, pray together about it. If not, then hopefully you are both woven from the same moral fabric and will agree that lack of discipline breeds disrespect and many other vices much much worse. But it begins with disrespect. She needs to understand that a lack of discipline is not a display of love, but rather a withdrawal of it and that not only will directly affect the children but everyone with whom they come in contact for the rest of their lives. To discipline a child is to love a child and to not discipline a child is to neglect a child. By spoiling a child a parent is not only doing the child a gross disservice, but society, as well. Good luck, Sir. I wish you and your family all the best.How to deal with a wife that spoils her children especaily her son?
I had to deal with my husband and his spoiled kids and I tell you it was frustrating. You would be damned if you do and damned if you don't. If you do tell your spouse how you feel you end up putting a strain on the marriage, especially if the spouse is in denial. If you don't say anything then the children rule and you feel resentful which also put's a strain on the marriage. In this situation I would use the Three C's: Counseling, Communication, Caring. If you have bought the subject up to your spouse with no results seek professional help. Sometimes a neutral party can make fixing matters like these smoother than if you try to go it alone. Never fail to make your feelings clear and easy for your spouse to comprehend. And whatever you say or do, make sure that it is done with extreme care.
as a step parent you don't have any say at all.
THER IS NO ANSER TO THAT, WHEN U START MAKING UR STEP KIDS MIND, LOOK OUT, NO ONE LIKES OTHER PEOPLE TELLING THERE KIDS WHAT TO DO
She has her relationship with her son. You have your relationship with your new son. Let everyone have their relationship. Tell the son in a nice way as he gets older, ';Enjoy it. You'll never be spoiled like this again!';
try to have a genuine talk with her and tell her your concerns. but be prepared cause she might not take it well.
Man, it's hard to say without knowing you and your situation, but I would think that is something you should have recognized before you got married and discussed it with her. However, she needs to accept that SHE chose YOU to be the FATHER of her children, making them your children as well. You need to discuss it with her. Don't fight, don't argue, discuss. If you can't then I hate to tell you this, Brother, but you married the wrong woman. Let her know specifically what you think she should and should not be doing and how it will directly and eventually affect YOUR childrens' behavior. Remember, they are YOURS now, too. If you are Christians, pray together about it. If not, then hopefully you are both woven from the same moral fabric and will agree that lack of discipline breeds disrespect and many other vices much much worse. But it begins with disrespect. She needs to understand that a lack of discipline is not a display of love, but rather a withdrawal of it and that not only will directly affect the children but everyone with whom they come in contact for the rest of their lives. To discipline a child is to love a child and to not discipline a child is to neglect a child. By spoiling a child a parent is not only doing the child a gross disservice, but society, as well. Good luck, Sir. I wish you and your family all the best.How to deal with a wife that spoils her children especaily her son?
I had to deal with my husband and his spoiled kids and I tell you it was frustrating. You would be damned if you do and damned if you don't. If you do tell your spouse how you feel you end up putting a strain on the marriage, especially if the spouse is in denial. If you don't say anything then the children rule and you feel resentful which also put's a strain on the marriage. In this situation I would use the Three C's: Counseling, Communication, Caring. If you have bought the subject up to your spouse with no results seek professional help. Sometimes a neutral party can make fixing matters like these smoother than if you try to go it alone. Never fail to make your feelings clear and easy for your spouse to comprehend. And whatever you say or do, make sure that it is done with extreme care.
as a step parent you don't have any say at all.
THER IS NO ANSER TO THAT, WHEN U START MAKING UR STEP KIDS MIND, LOOK OUT, NO ONE LIKES OTHER PEOPLE TELLING THERE KIDS WHAT TO DO
She has her relationship with her son. You have your relationship with your new son. Let everyone have their relationship. Tell the son in a nice way as he gets older, ';Enjoy it. You'll never be spoiled like this again!';
try to have a genuine talk with her and tell her your concerns. but be prepared cause she might not take it well.
How do I deal with my wife?
I am happily married for 2 years. I love my wife a lot. There is a change in my wife's behaviour which irritates me a lot,the cause of which is me. After 6 months of our marriage, she underwent an abortion of our baby. It was not planned,so we had to decide this. She was quite depressed with it and every other month from that day onwards she used to remember the baby on that particular day and stuff like this. After 1 year of our marriage I did a horrible mistake, I cheated on her once. I slept with a woman who worked with me. Though I confessed about this to her (after 6 months), I know it has hurt her a lot. She forgave me and has given me another chance. I have promised her that I will live up to her hope and I am trying my level best to do it. But she is very depressed now. She has become very moody. Sometimes in the midst of night, I find her crying in other room. These things have become very frequent and it irritates me a lot. I get angry on her too. How do I cope up with this?How do I deal with my wife?
You speak about dealing with your wife. How does she deal with you? She gave up a part of her, you cheated on her and waited to tell her like that was going to make it better, she forgave you and took you back and you think she is the one with the problem. You are not being very supportive. I have not heard you mention talking to her to figure what is going on. Sound like to me you are adding to her problems. You have no idea how hard it is to give up a child or have an abortion. When you see other mothers with their beautiful babies out shopping or in the park you have a tendency to think about what would your baby of been like. Was it easy for you to make the decision? Now that you have cheated on her, she may feel like you would abandon her if she were to have a child or that you did not want a child because you were cheating in the first place. Knowing that the one you love so much is being dishonest takes time to learn to trust again. Help her solve what is going on with her and have more patience with her. She definitely has patience for you because she took you back. Most women would have shown you the door. Good Luck.How do I deal with my wife?
what a sad husband u are instead of being htere for her u gonna go *** sumone. how sad. i don't think u can change anythign. one day if not today u guys are going to leave each other. because me being a woman i can never take that much., it will hurt her for redt of life
Give her time to move past the infidelity. You cheated on her so you must endure these acts that she needs to get through.
You're a selfish swine that's what you are!!!
How dare you think of yourself and say that it irritates you???
Gosh, she had to have an abortion and to help her, to support her you go and cheat on her, and then since you consider yourself forgiven for your sin, now you want to move on with your life? And she's stupid because there she goes making things complicated?
Aren't you God's gift??!!
Honestly man, are you in love with yourself?
Is there some space for that woman you married in your life?
Did you choose her for her, or because you knew that she would go along with anything you decided?
Did you at least make sure she got some support after the abortion, because surely it will have crossed your mind that she is not coping?
What a BAST**D YOU are !! You don't deserve anybody's compassion.
Take a mirror and have a good look at yourself.
This woman is being depressed. You are not supporting her, SHE is supporting you. She is the one coping with all the SH*T YOU throw at her, and YOU are IRRITATED.
For Goodness sake, just get yourself together and try marriage counselling because your wife, and not mother, or priest, NEEDS help. She's suffering.
She's mourning the loss of her baby and trying not to disappoint you by trying to be strong, but it's CLEAR to any DECENT person, that she is not managing.
What a sorry excuse of a husband you are!!!
2 words dude...MARRIAGE COUNSELING.
She is depressed, I can't imagine why she would be depressed, she killed her baby, her husband (that she probably killed the baby for) cheated on her, and now he's peoed at her all the time--sounds like a great life. Of course she's depressed!! And you get irritated with her about it?
I seriously hope, for her sake, that she dumps your butt. She's probably worth better than you.
Leave that poor woman alone. She is feeling guilty about the baby and then you cheat on her and that is making her feel unlovable. You should be very thankful she is with you, most woman would have left you in a minute. Grow up and be nice.
I hope she is seeing a therapist to help her through all of this.
You need to go to marriage counciling. Your marriage seems to be falling apart quickly.
Marriage counseling-- your relationship is in a ditch and you need professional help.
FIRST..STOP getting angry at her...that is only going to make her more upset. SECOND...understand! For crying out loud....you can't cheat on someone...say I'm sorry and it will never happen again and expect her total forgiveness. The pain takes a very very long time to go away. And I am sure in her heart she believes you and wants to forgive you...but a few things...trust is easy to lose and much harder to regain. Do you still work with this woman you cheated with? Do you allow your wife to see some of your personl life, emails, etc..do you go out at night without her?
This with the abortionis causing her to be depressed. If you are truly sorry you cheated, then you are a very big man..and you should feel proud of yourself for relaizing it is wrong. However, I know from experience how much it can hurt. The worst thing you can do is expect her to forgive and forget. Give her time...be patient...you messed up..so now it should be a little harder for YOU...not her.
Let your wife read your emails. Let her have your voicemail code and atm code. Tell her you love her and make wonderful love to her. Listen to her, even when you dont want to. talk to her. Love her. This is how she will forgive you.
first of all i dont condone abortions at all......you reap what you sew and i have lost 2 children and not by choice....and now i find out due to an infection i had with my 1st son...i cant have anymore. So for you two to decide to have sex and not be resposible afterwards just says to me you two should be in my position. you are taking that for granted that you can get pregnant and play with someone elses life.....personally i could careless if you two make it as a couple....to know you through a baby out with the garbage is sick..and both of you should be ashamed of yourself...i hope they make abortion illegal and say its murder!!!!!!!!!
Im sorry but.... you have no right in getting angry with her, she did nothing to you. You should have kept your damn d!ck in your pants to begin with,. YOU ARE A MARRIED MAN! Men like you make me sick. Just remember she is hurt... broken hearted.... you need to be there for her... not get mad at her.
Try to get her to get some counseling. She needs it for dealing with the abortion and well as your cheating. Try to go with her and support her. She got hit with a double-whammy in a short amount of time, so it鈥檚 going to take some time to work that out. Good luck.
you both probally need to see a therapist alone and together she needs help and so dont you she is really upset and its bad if you yell at her and get mad at her.
It really sounds like your wife is sorry about the abortion and probably still upset at times about the adultery. You yourself called the little one ';a baby';. It lived in her body, she is probably very sad. To have these two horribly stressful events happen so early in your marriage is hard on her and you too. Talk to her. If all you can do is hold her while she cries, do it. Treat her like a princess. Tell her you love her and show her with your actions everyday. There is a group called Project Rachel that offers help for those suffering because of a past abortion. It is confidential. Look it up on the Internet and see what you think. I am so sorry for you and your wife's sadness.
It's very difficult to go through this alone, and let me tell you... she feels that she is going through this alone. Men show their emotions differently than us women, you cheated while she cries her heart out. You need to show her that you are hurting too, not by crying, but by talking to her and venting out your emotions. You screwed up and she might not want to forgive you after her grieving period is over, and that will be something you will need to suffer the consequence for. If you guys are religious, look for help there. If you can afford an MFCC(marriage, family and child counselor) do it and go see one. If you really do care for her and love her you need to help her get out of this depression she is in. She might need to take some antidepressant medication in order to help her come out of this. The key word here is unity. You married her for good or bad and it seems that you are not keeping your word.
Good grief!! Get counseling!! Y'all are the poster children for marriage counseling.
She might need some medication, too.
It seems like she maybe hasn't gotten over those issues. Like they're haunting her.That's really alot for a women to go through in just 2 years.Getting married to the person you love,having a abortion, and to have your love your husband cheat on you just shortly after all that.She's still hurting, Have you talk to her,about everything? About what she feels and what's going through her mind. Let her know that you see the pain,she's going through.That it's hurting you to see her go through that. But y'all need to talk it out, put everything out on the table.Clear the air for both of y'all.Holding back your true feeling,just causes build up tension.That might be what she feeling.Which can lead to her to being moody and more emotionally at times.
get a divorce, shell prob be happier w/o u. and if u loved her wanted to help her get over the baby, U WOULDNT HAVE CHEATED.
ok, whoo her again, make her fall in love with u. bring flowers, cook her dinner, maybe breakfast in bed, date her again. and show her alot of attention. goodluck.
instead of getting angry with her, try to understand her problems.. you did cheat on her, you jerk.
First of all you should have remembered your marriage vows, For Better of Worse, you suffered a loss as well as your wife when the baby was aborted, instead trying to find solace in the arms of another woman you should have been beside your wife, it is obvious that she did not want an abortion, that is why she still remembers it, and may not ever get over it. She is still hurting, I don't know to many married couples having abortions. Your wife needs counseling, and you need to go counseling with her as well, right now she needs a strong husband, who is there for her, she may find it difficult to talk to you about the baby, because she suffered a great loss. Your loss is different than hers. You need to reassure your wife that you still love her, and you and her need some type of grief counseling, because if you dont get counseling right away, she is only going to get worse.
First of all, how in the hell can you get mad at her for your infidelity?? Secondly, she aborted your child how else is she supposed to feel after carrying a baby in her womb and then getting rid of it???? Lastly, you seem to very inconsiderate of her feelings which akes u a selfish SOAB!!!!!! Instead of being an asshole talk to your wife and console your wife and you both should seek counseling A/S/A/P!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!hijackthis web development
You speak about dealing with your wife. How does she deal with you? She gave up a part of her, you cheated on her and waited to tell her like that was going to make it better, she forgave you and took you back and you think she is the one with the problem. You are not being very supportive. I have not heard you mention talking to her to figure what is going on. Sound like to me you are adding to her problems. You have no idea how hard it is to give up a child or have an abortion. When you see other mothers with their beautiful babies out shopping or in the park you have a tendency to think about what would your baby of been like. Was it easy for you to make the decision? Now that you have cheated on her, she may feel like you would abandon her if she were to have a child or that you did not want a child because you were cheating in the first place. Knowing that the one you love so much is being dishonest takes time to learn to trust again. Help her solve what is going on with her and have more patience with her. She definitely has patience for you because she took you back. Most women would have shown you the door. Good Luck.How do I deal with my wife?
what a sad husband u are instead of being htere for her u gonna go *** sumone. how sad. i don't think u can change anythign. one day if not today u guys are going to leave each other. because me being a woman i can never take that much., it will hurt her for redt of life
Give her time to move past the infidelity. You cheated on her so you must endure these acts that she needs to get through.
You're a selfish swine that's what you are!!!
How dare you think of yourself and say that it irritates you???
Gosh, she had to have an abortion and to help her, to support her you go and cheat on her, and then since you consider yourself forgiven for your sin, now you want to move on with your life? And she's stupid because there she goes making things complicated?
Aren't you God's gift??!!
Honestly man, are you in love with yourself?
Is there some space for that woman you married in your life?
Did you choose her for her, or because you knew that she would go along with anything you decided?
Did you at least make sure she got some support after the abortion, because surely it will have crossed your mind that she is not coping?
What a BAST**D YOU are !! You don't deserve anybody's compassion.
Take a mirror and have a good look at yourself.
This woman is being depressed. You are not supporting her, SHE is supporting you. She is the one coping with all the SH*T YOU throw at her, and YOU are IRRITATED.
For Goodness sake, just get yourself together and try marriage counselling because your wife, and not mother, or priest, NEEDS help. She's suffering.
She's mourning the loss of her baby and trying not to disappoint you by trying to be strong, but it's CLEAR to any DECENT person, that she is not managing.
What a sorry excuse of a husband you are!!!
2 words dude...MARRIAGE COUNSELING.
She is depressed, I can't imagine why she would be depressed, she killed her baby, her husband (that she probably killed the baby for) cheated on her, and now he's peoed at her all the time--sounds like a great life. Of course she's depressed!! And you get irritated with her about it?
I seriously hope, for her sake, that she dumps your butt. She's probably worth better than you.
Leave that poor woman alone. She is feeling guilty about the baby and then you cheat on her and that is making her feel unlovable. You should be very thankful she is with you, most woman would have left you in a minute. Grow up and be nice.
I hope she is seeing a therapist to help her through all of this.
You need to go to marriage counciling. Your marriage seems to be falling apart quickly.
Marriage counseling-- your relationship is in a ditch and you need professional help.
FIRST..STOP getting angry at her...that is only going to make her more upset. SECOND...understand! For crying out loud....you can't cheat on someone...say I'm sorry and it will never happen again and expect her total forgiveness. The pain takes a very very long time to go away. And I am sure in her heart she believes you and wants to forgive you...but a few things...trust is easy to lose and much harder to regain. Do you still work with this woman you cheated with? Do you allow your wife to see some of your personl life, emails, etc..do you go out at night without her?
This with the abortionis causing her to be depressed. If you are truly sorry you cheated, then you are a very big man..and you should feel proud of yourself for relaizing it is wrong. However, I know from experience how much it can hurt. The worst thing you can do is expect her to forgive and forget. Give her time...be patient...you messed up..so now it should be a little harder for YOU...not her.
Let your wife read your emails. Let her have your voicemail code and atm code. Tell her you love her and make wonderful love to her. Listen to her, even when you dont want to. talk to her. Love her. This is how she will forgive you.
first of all i dont condone abortions at all......you reap what you sew and i have lost 2 children and not by choice....and now i find out due to an infection i had with my 1st son...i cant have anymore. So for you two to decide to have sex and not be resposible afterwards just says to me you two should be in my position. you are taking that for granted that you can get pregnant and play with someone elses life.....personally i could careless if you two make it as a couple....to know you through a baby out with the garbage is sick..and both of you should be ashamed of yourself...i hope they make abortion illegal and say its murder!!!!!!!!!
Im sorry but.... you have no right in getting angry with her, she did nothing to you. You should have kept your damn d!ck in your pants to begin with,. YOU ARE A MARRIED MAN! Men like you make me sick. Just remember she is hurt... broken hearted.... you need to be there for her... not get mad at her.
Try to get her to get some counseling. She needs it for dealing with the abortion and well as your cheating. Try to go with her and support her. She got hit with a double-whammy in a short amount of time, so it鈥檚 going to take some time to work that out. Good luck.
you both probally need to see a therapist alone and together she needs help and so dont you she is really upset and its bad if you yell at her and get mad at her.
It really sounds like your wife is sorry about the abortion and probably still upset at times about the adultery. You yourself called the little one ';a baby';. It lived in her body, she is probably very sad. To have these two horribly stressful events happen so early in your marriage is hard on her and you too. Talk to her. If all you can do is hold her while she cries, do it. Treat her like a princess. Tell her you love her and show her with your actions everyday. There is a group called Project Rachel that offers help for those suffering because of a past abortion. It is confidential. Look it up on the Internet and see what you think. I am so sorry for you and your wife's sadness.
It's very difficult to go through this alone, and let me tell you... she feels that she is going through this alone. Men show their emotions differently than us women, you cheated while she cries her heart out. You need to show her that you are hurting too, not by crying, but by talking to her and venting out your emotions. You screwed up and she might not want to forgive you after her grieving period is over, and that will be something you will need to suffer the consequence for. If you guys are religious, look for help there. If you can afford an MFCC(marriage, family and child counselor) do it and go see one. If you really do care for her and love her you need to help her get out of this depression she is in. She might need to take some antidepressant medication in order to help her come out of this. The key word here is unity. You married her for good or bad and it seems that you are not keeping your word.
Good grief!! Get counseling!! Y'all are the poster children for marriage counseling.
She might need some medication, too.
It seems like she maybe hasn't gotten over those issues. Like they're haunting her.That's really alot for a women to go through in just 2 years.Getting married to the person you love,having a abortion, and to have your love your husband cheat on you just shortly after all that.She's still hurting, Have you talk to her,about everything? About what she feels and what's going through her mind. Let her know that you see the pain,she's going through.That it's hurting you to see her go through that. But y'all need to talk it out, put everything out on the table.Clear the air for both of y'all.Holding back your true feeling,just causes build up tension.That might be what she feeling.Which can lead to her to being moody and more emotionally at times.
get a divorce, shell prob be happier w/o u. and if u loved her wanted to help her get over the baby, U WOULDNT HAVE CHEATED.
ok, whoo her again, make her fall in love with u. bring flowers, cook her dinner, maybe breakfast in bed, date her again. and show her alot of attention. goodluck.
instead of getting angry with her, try to understand her problems.. you did cheat on her, you jerk.
First of all you should have remembered your marriage vows, For Better of Worse, you suffered a loss as well as your wife when the baby was aborted, instead trying to find solace in the arms of another woman you should have been beside your wife, it is obvious that she did not want an abortion, that is why she still remembers it, and may not ever get over it. She is still hurting, I don't know to many married couples having abortions. Your wife needs counseling, and you need to go counseling with her as well, right now she needs a strong husband, who is there for her, she may find it difficult to talk to you about the baby, because she suffered a great loss. Your loss is different than hers. You need to reassure your wife that you still love her, and you and her need some type of grief counseling, because if you dont get counseling right away, she is only going to get worse.
First of all, how in the hell can you get mad at her for your infidelity?? Secondly, she aborted your child how else is she supposed to feel after carrying a baby in her womb and then getting rid of it???? Lastly, you seem to very inconsiderate of her feelings which akes u a selfish SOAB!!!!!! Instead of being an asshole talk to your wife and console your wife and you both should seek counseling A/S/A/P!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stay at home dads how do you usualy deal with your wife's parents?
do they have problems with you staying at home and taking care of kids etc?
before you married your wife do you tell them that you wanted to be a stay at home dad?Stay at home dads how do you usualy deal with your wife's parents?
Firstly its none of their business, and i dont mean to sound harsh. You ask permission for their daughters hand in marriage and thats it.
Secondly they (and you) should be proud of what you do, well i think its great anyway, if they dont like it i'm sure they will get used to it.
Keep up the good work!!!!Stay at home dads how do you usualy deal with your wife's parents?
Personally, I think those things should be discussed before having kids. Personal circumstances and people's job requirements change and this also has an effect on family life. If it means dad is the stay at home dad, then I don't see anything wrong with that if it is appropriate to your family then it has to be so long as both parents understand why they are doing it. A majority of the time it has been the mother who has taken on the role of staying at home and bringing up the kids and keeping house [multitasking] = a full time job just as important as working outside the family home.
As for dealing with the in-laws, well if they have a problem with dad being a SAHD, then see if they offer any childcare assistance and then see how they react!
Good luck and whether you're a SAHM or SAHD, be proud of what you are doing - there are no job descriptions, no pay, no vacations, just lots of rewards from the kids growing up! (oh and occasionally a nice tidy home LOL!)
I am a stay at home dad. My wife works and I take care of the kids and my grandson and my mother-in-law. The biggest problem with the in-law is that she is from a different time and has opinions that are not relevent to todays society. I deal with it by listening to her stories about how it was when she was my age and I find it facinating what life was like then. She enjoys the added attention and feels that she still has value in our home. If you ignore your wife's parents they will feel unwanted or useless and will be a dark cloud in your home. Make them feel useful and wanted, always ask for their advice listen to them..even if its not what you want to hear.
It is difficult.. I loose my freedom in my own house.. I don't like the idea
before you married your wife do you tell them that you wanted to be a stay at home dad?Stay at home dads how do you usualy deal with your wife's parents?
Firstly its none of their business, and i dont mean to sound harsh. You ask permission for their daughters hand in marriage and thats it.
Secondly they (and you) should be proud of what you do, well i think its great anyway, if they dont like it i'm sure they will get used to it.
Keep up the good work!!!!Stay at home dads how do you usualy deal with your wife's parents?
Personally, I think those things should be discussed before having kids. Personal circumstances and people's job requirements change and this also has an effect on family life. If it means dad is the stay at home dad, then I don't see anything wrong with that if it is appropriate to your family then it has to be so long as both parents understand why they are doing it. A majority of the time it has been the mother who has taken on the role of staying at home and bringing up the kids and keeping house [multitasking] = a full time job just as important as working outside the family home.
As for dealing with the in-laws, well if they have a problem with dad being a SAHD, then see if they offer any childcare assistance and then see how they react!
Good luck and whether you're a SAHM or SAHD, be proud of what you are doing - there are no job descriptions, no pay, no vacations, just lots of rewards from the kids growing up! (oh and occasionally a nice tidy home LOL!)
I am a stay at home dad. My wife works and I take care of the kids and my grandson and my mother-in-law. The biggest problem with the in-law is that she is from a different time and has opinions that are not relevent to todays society. I deal with it by listening to her stories about how it was when she was my age and I find it facinating what life was like then. She enjoys the added attention and feels that she still has value in our home. If you ignore your wife's parents they will feel unwanted or useless and will be a dark cloud in your home. Make them feel useful and wanted, always ask for their advice listen to them..even if its not what you want to hear.
It is difficult.. I loose my freedom in my own house.. I don't like the idea
How much sex per week is average, and is too little a deal breaker?
Ok, here is the deal. My wife and I finally separated after 20 years of marriage which has included infidelity on both sides, which we put behind us more or less. It has been the everyday arguing and failure to “get along” that separated us.
The biggest obstacle we have had to overcome is the differences in our sex drives. I’m always in high gear, and sex just really isn’t her thing. It never has been since we were married. Prior to separating, in an attempt to appease me, we started having it about three times a week. However, today while cleaning out some paperwork, I found her journal. I KNOW I SHOUDN’T HAVE READ IT, BUT !!!! She wrote that “the sex has to slow down because the more we have it, the less I want it”.
Now before I get personally bashed over this, it’s not about the quality of sex from either of us, it’s the quantity and desire for it.
My question is this: Knowing this is, and always will be a MAJOR hurdle and the root of many of my frustrations, am I supposed to live the next twenty years going with whatever she decides to dish out? I mean how much is normal or too much in a week?
How much sex per week is average, and is too little a deal breaker?
I am in your boat but the oars are in the other hand.
I have been with my fiance for 2 years we are getting married next year. I only want sex once a week but he can go weeks (currently we are at 3 weeks right now). BUT I had an 8 year relationship prior to my fiance where sex was completely not my thing. It was only my thing in my current relationship.
Normal is a hard one to explain. HEALTHY for everyone, I guess statistically speaking is about once or twice a week. Normal is whatever you and your partner naturally do on a regular basis. Although, if two people with matched sex drives have sex once a month and are happy with it, then that can be normal and healthy too.
If she is feeling pressured I would back off and wait until she comes on to you. As much as I hate admitting this, this is the best method to start with. If she doesn't come on to you in a week or two I would sit down and have a talk with her - emotion free. No anger, no sadness.
Good luck with this situation. I feel your pain.How much sex per week is average, and is too little a deal breaker?
I've been married for 6 months, and have a 5 month old boy...yah do the math...lol Anyway we have sex at least 5 or 6 times a week. And it's been like that since we got together 2 years ago. My sex drive is unusually high for a woman, and his is right up there too...we're in our 30's and couldn't be happier. I could handle more, but with a baby I think we're doing pretty well.
I don't think that there is a normal. It is different at different times in a married life. Sometimes we go several days or a week or two without. Sometimes we ';get together'; every day for a week.
so it would be hard to say what is average.
Once per week minimum (even if she hates it).
Once per month, or if she is withholding sex is reason for sex therapy/marriage counseling. If after counseling things do not improve - she she be left with a knitting needle and granny panties.
Start hiding your money.
I like it alot but he is not as into it as I am i would say I want it about 5 times a week were he is only wanting it maybe twice a week
From my experience, when I was young and wanted it more my wife was OK with it but not really into it. I can't complain, overall she was just wonderful in bed. Now that we're in our late 40's the hormones have changed and she's definitely wanting it more than me. I'm trying to keep up. I did some research and this is common. So perhaps your wife will change in time.
It is very hard to enjoy life when your sexual desires aren't being fulfilled, and even harder for people to communicate what they want sexually to their partner. Despite almost 30 years of active sex life my wife and I still don't really understand each other in bed. But the sex is good and that means we still have room to grow.
One last thing, I wouldn't read to much into one, or even a few comments or journal entrys. We all get in moods and say or do things that we don't really feel later. It's just a moment in time.
Besides those insights, all I can really do is wish you luck.
Since you've finally separated you actually don't have to go at all without. Normal is what's normal for you. Your wife needs more time in between to build up her desire. She could be there for you however. Most of us older guys tend to see this. Still, I'm 57 and manage to get my wife in the mood 3 times a week. I'd like more myself but I take what I can get. If you can live with it then stay. Otherwise get out.
wow...Im young so my answer for you will be different. But my boyfriend and i have sex usually everyday at least once. I suppose it will die down in a few years but im sure that we'll have sex at least 3 times a week as you said. I would say that 3 times-1 time a week is normal. I honestly think there is no such thing as too much sex. But if you two are to be together, i suggest going into some type of counseling, sexual counseling. It might be a biological problem with her sex drive.
The biggest obstacle we have had to overcome is the differences in our sex drives. I’m always in high gear, and sex just really isn’t her thing. It never has been since we were married. Prior to separating, in an attempt to appease me, we started having it about three times a week. However, today while cleaning out some paperwork, I found her journal. I KNOW I SHOUDN’T HAVE READ IT, BUT !!!! She wrote that “the sex has to slow down because the more we have it, the less I want it”.
Now before I get personally bashed over this, it’s not about the quality of sex from either of us, it’s the quantity and desire for it.
My question is this: Knowing this is, and always will be a MAJOR hurdle and the root of many of my frustrations, am I supposed to live the next twenty years going with whatever she decides to dish out? I mean how much is normal or too much in a week?
How much sex per week is average, and is too little a deal breaker?
I am in your boat but the oars are in the other hand.
I have been with my fiance for 2 years we are getting married next year. I only want sex once a week but he can go weeks (currently we are at 3 weeks right now). BUT I had an 8 year relationship prior to my fiance where sex was completely not my thing. It was only my thing in my current relationship.
Normal is a hard one to explain. HEALTHY for everyone, I guess statistically speaking is about once or twice a week. Normal is whatever you and your partner naturally do on a regular basis. Although, if two people with matched sex drives have sex once a month and are happy with it, then that can be normal and healthy too.
If she is feeling pressured I would back off and wait until she comes on to you. As much as I hate admitting this, this is the best method to start with. If she doesn't come on to you in a week or two I would sit down and have a talk with her - emotion free. No anger, no sadness.
Good luck with this situation. I feel your pain.How much sex per week is average, and is too little a deal breaker?
I've been married for 6 months, and have a 5 month old boy...yah do the math...lol Anyway we have sex at least 5 or 6 times a week. And it's been like that since we got together 2 years ago. My sex drive is unusually high for a woman, and his is right up there too...we're in our 30's and couldn't be happier. I could handle more, but with a baby I think we're doing pretty well.
I don't think that there is a normal. It is different at different times in a married life. Sometimes we go several days or a week or two without. Sometimes we ';get together'; every day for a week.
so it would be hard to say what is average.
Once per week minimum (even if she hates it).
Once per month, or if she is withholding sex is reason for sex therapy/marriage counseling. If after counseling things do not improve - she she be left with a knitting needle and granny panties.
Start hiding your money.
I like it alot but he is not as into it as I am i would say I want it about 5 times a week were he is only wanting it maybe twice a week
From my experience, when I was young and wanted it more my wife was OK with it but not really into it. I can't complain, overall she was just wonderful in bed. Now that we're in our late 40's the hormones have changed and she's definitely wanting it more than me. I'm trying to keep up. I did some research and this is common. So perhaps your wife will change in time.
It is very hard to enjoy life when your sexual desires aren't being fulfilled, and even harder for people to communicate what they want sexually to their partner. Despite almost 30 years of active sex life my wife and I still don't really understand each other in bed. But the sex is good and that means we still have room to grow.
One last thing, I wouldn't read to much into one, or even a few comments or journal entrys. We all get in moods and say or do things that we don't really feel later. It's just a moment in time.
Besides those insights, all I can really do is wish you luck.
Since you've finally separated you actually don't have to go at all without. Normal is what's normal for you. Your wife needs more time in between to build up her desire. She could be there for you however. Most of us older guys tend to see this. Still, I'm 57 and manage to get my wife in the mood 3 times a week. I'd like more myself but I take what I can get. If you can live with it then stay. Otherwise get out.
wow...Im young so my answer for you will be different. But my boyfriend and i have sex usually everyday at least once. I suppose it will die down in a few years but im sure that we'll have sex at least 3 times a week as you said. I would say that 3 times-1 time a week is normal. I honestly think there is no such thing as too much sex. But if you two are to be together, i suggest going into some type of counseling, sexual counseling. It might be a biological problem with her sex drive.
How do I deal with my wife?
My wife of 3 months is insane. We dated for 3 years before getting married and I thought it was the best thing. The three years we dated we had sex atleast 3 times a week and she would do anything I wanted sexually. On our wedding day,she was very distant and we hardly talked to each other. When we got home that night I tried to make a few moves on her and she stated ';None of that anymore,we're married'; I figured she was joking,but she wasnt. We went on a cruise for our honeymoon and not once did we get intimate. We're both young couples (I'm 27,she's 23). Since we returned home,she goes to church every Sunday,which I have no problem with,but she's turned into a ';holy roller'; follwing the bible to a ';T';. Before we got married I told her that I don't like to attend church because we're both raised Catholic and I dont believe in our religion and the things they say and do. Every Sunday she makes a big fuss about me not going with her,but I tell her,';You knew that before we got married';. She says that the only time we can have sex is when we're trying to conceive a baby,other than that,it's a sin. Her parents are sorta ';holy rollers'; as well,and her parents put that fear into her that she may not go to heaven if she kept living that lifestyle(which by no means was bad) How do i deal with this? Serious responses onlyHow do I deal with my wife?
maybe she want's a baby? it sounds a bit odd to be honest. try talking to her about how uncomfortable and unhappy she's making you, don't emphasise on the fact that your physical needs aren't being met but more that you feel she has changed.
p.s. a marriage that isn't consumated doesn't count in the eyes of god.How do I deal with my wife?
Wow... that sounds awful, one the main reasons for getting married is the available sex at any time.
I would start explaining to her that sex is not only to conceive and she should start fulfilling her 'marital obligations'... you are a man and you have needs and actually her having sex before marriage was sinning. So she has already laid out her path to hell when she had sex with you before marriage... something with her changed once that ring went on her finger... im so sorry to hear about this nightmare... maybe you can go to the pastor or minister at your church to discuss this. They might be able to relieve her sense of sinning with sex and show her it is a marital obligation, nothing bad. good luck.
WOW... umm.. I don't even know what to say. Thats a HUGE overnight change. Jeez... seriously.. I don't know what to say. Divorce? Annulment? although if you have consumated your marriage its different.. BUT if you haven't had sex since you've been married you can actually annul a marriage if she hasn't ';put out';.
again.. WOW!
You probably have grounds for annulment. If you have not had sex since you got married, you have grounds since the marriage was not consummated. You may also have grounds since it appears you were married under false pretenses, i.e. tricked into getting married. Check with a lawyer. You been had. You may want to keep some records about current conversations, and try and remember and record ones prior to the marriage.
Easy. Secretly get a vasectomy, and then ';try to conceive a baby'; every night for the next 20 years.
I see it like this, have a talk with her about the cituation and then once u do that use reverse cycology if that doesnt work then start going to the strip club or out with your friends and one day u plain to go out she might ask u to stay home to do that try it out and email me in the mourning im a doctor mane.lol
Well I think that you should like your wife for who she is. your a jerk if u like her for a sexual reason. Except her religious views. Or you can talk to her about it.
Did she think sex was a sin before you got married? If this is a new ';philosophy'; of hers I would say it is grounds for an annulment. Sex is a vital part of marriage. There are always peaks and valleys but it is truly a neccessity (among many other things) for a strong marriage. It is very concerning that only after 3 months this is how things are going. Sometimes people change after getting married. I was married previously and my ex-husband changed the moment I said ';I do';. I hope this works out for the two of you but if it doesn't, do not let it sour you on all marriage. My current hubby did not change a bit and I have been very happily married for 4 1/2 yrs.
So it was okay to have premarital sex, but no sex when you're married??? What the hell is that??? I'm sorry but she sounds crazy and if I were you I would get out of that as soon as possible. It sounds like she was going along with whatever to trap you into marriage.
She's a hypocrite. If she's not giving you sex, start looking for it elsewhere.
I would Holy Roll away from her while you are still young. And I'm serious.
You will miss out on a lot of life if you stay with her. She is a selfish person who believes in the doctrine of fantasy.
Good luck.
ask her why she was a sex animal before you got married, and why she doesn't want have sex anymore.
if all else fails have loads of kids
Wow this is something....Well I'm sorry to hear about your wife and her all of a sudden holiness but I think that she should have showed you some kinds of signs before you all got married...This is crazy that you all got married and didn't do anything on your wedding night not even honeymoon and before it was 3 times a day...She just woke up the next day after marriage and decided that she wasn't going to give you any at all??? I find that real strange but in any case I would have a face to face with her and go all the way back from when you both dated...Let her know that this isn't want was expected and she should realize that married people have sex. she should also probably have a talk with her pastor so he or she can explain what the wife's duties are....If she's really in to the bible as you say this will help her get out of the way she is in and put things to light...I mean no disrepect when I say you need to help her and get things taken care of because I'm sure this was a shock to you...
Your wife is confusing religion and self-proclaimed ';holiness'; with not being about to have marital sexual relations. My husband and I are Christians, and in our church we preach from the Bible. Clearly, it states that sex between a married man and a woman should be enjoyed to the capacity of both people. There is nothing dirty about married sex or anything involved in it for that couple's enjoyment. That's what God created sex for, for our pleasure. Relgious attitudes tend to confuse what is ';right'; and not. Tell her to read the Bible, especially Corinthians. Good luck!
As adam is made for hana,a wife made for husband and vice versa.it's not a sin by doing sex with your own wife at least you do with other people that is not your wife.I am prostestan but i knew that sex between married couple is not a sin.Talk to your wife and discuss about the problem nicely and there's should be gives and takes.or,your wife might hide something from you,you should ask your wife.She might afraid to tell you because afraid that you might get hurt feelings.
Let me tell you. I am a Christian a bible follower and I would say a holy roller, who just got married four months ago. I love being intimate with my husband - it's something very special we share that solidifies us as husband and wife. We are firm believers that sex only strengthens your marriage.
I would highly recommend the book The Act of Marriage. It's a bible based, Christian book about the importance of sex between a husband and a wife. Your wife (and you) may learn how special sexual intimacy is from the book.
sit her down and tell her how you feel and that you want t divorce because she is trying to change you into something your not when she knew before the marriage and if she wants to keep you in the marriage she needs to start listening and do things to fix the marriage.
Go to a Christian marriage counselor. He/She will be respectful toward your views toward religion and also be able to deal with your wife's issues.
so start telling her you want to try conceiving a BABY........
Otherwise...get an annulment.
On the assumption that you are telling the truth, and the whole story I would say that your wife is having a crisis coming to terms with her being 'unequally yolked' to someone she has come to regard as a nonbeliever.
First I recommend that you ask her to arrange a meeting with her Pastor or Marriage Counsellor at the Church [You don't say which church denomination, so it is difficult to say this would be a good thing] you should both be there.
Ask them to provide you with the scripture references to support their position, if they actually agree with your wife. If not have them explain to you both how your wife should regard your relationship.
Be calm - however, provoked you feel.
If the outcome of such a meeting is unproductive then ask again, giving the churches reply.
Get a divorce NOW before you have children. This only gets worse! You can not win this one you have to get away from her!
Biblicly speaking, she needs to obey her husband and please you. Having sex to conceive only is not what God intended. It is to be fun. Have her read the bible. I feel for you man, thats got to be terrible. Try and romance her up a bit and try. If not, tell her if she isnt going to please you, you will go find it somewhere else.
Seriously, though, I wouldnt go other places. You will have to convince her somehow. good luck
Have you tried talking to her about this and letting her know how you feel. Honestly if you both aren't on the same page it is going to be hard to work things out.
Ok, 3 times a week can be a little tiring for a female lol, maybe she is enjoying the time off. From experience, I know that I've felt scared not to have sex with my fiance because he might not want to stay with me if he isn't getting it. Ha! Not anymore, he gets it about once a week, sometimes more. What your wife wants though is you to support her in her decision to go to church, that doesn't mean go with her all the time but ask her about it, tell her you'd like to concider finding a church you both like and go. And if she only wants to have sex when trying to conceive a baby, well if you want it that bad, you better want a baby. Support her in what she choses to do, and maybe if you act like you don't want sex from her anymore, she'll come to you. And... communicating with each other, can be the key to all problems, talk to her about it, if she doesn't chose to listen, maybe you should suggest marriage counseling. :) Good luck!
I'm sorry to say, but like the first person who answered you do have grounds for an anullment.
I think you need to suggest counseling. You both had expectations for marriage that apparently neither of you are fulfilling. You can't spend the rest of your life unhappy and unsatisfied.
WOW,this is hard to even read it,I cant even imagine how can 2 young people not be having sex,and the sad part is that u just started as a married couple.
U have to think about it seriously and if u think she's not going to change then move on,u're very young and u'll find somebody else.
OK,email me...
What a psycho!!!!!!!!! What is wrong w/ her????
Post an update tomorrow!
Tell her you thought you married the woman you dated but she seems completely different now and you don't feel like you know her. Tell her sex is a way to show your love for your spouse and God created it for more than just making babies. Ask her to go to counseling with you.
get shut of her. aarrgghhh a total nightmare.
maybe she want's a baby? it sounds a bit odd to be honest. try talking to her about how uncomfortable and unhappy she's making you, don't emphasise on the fact that your physical needs aren't being met but more that you feel she has changed.
p.s. a marriage that isn't consumated doesn't count in the eyes of god.How do I deal with my wife?
Wow... that sounds awful, one the main reasons for getting married is the available sex at any time.
I would start explaining to her that sex is not only to conceive and she should start fulfilling her 'marital obligations'... you are a man and you have needs and actually her having sex before marriage was sinning. So she has already laid out her path to hell when she had sex with you before marriage... something with her changed once that ring went on her finger... im so sorry to hear about this nightmare... maybe you can go to the pastor or minister at your church to discuss this. They might be able to relieve her sense of sinning with sex and show her it is a marital obligation, nothing bad. good luck.
WOW... umm.. I don't even know what to say. Thats a HUGE overnight change. Jeez... seriously.. I don't know what to say. Divorce? Annulment? although if you have consumated your marriage its different.. BUT if you haven't had sex since you've been married you can actually annul a marriage if she hasn't ';put out';.
again.. WOW!
You probably have grounds for annulment. If you have not had sex since you got married, you have grounds since the marriage was not consummated. You may also have grounds since it appears you were married under false pretenses, i.e. tricked into getting married. Check with a lawyer. You been had. You may want to keep some records about current conversations, and try and remember and record ones prior to the marriage.
Easy. Secretly get a vasectomy, and then ';try to conceive a baby'; every night for the next 20 years.
I see it like this, have a talk with her about the cituation and then once u do that use reverse cycology if that doesnt work then start going to the strip club or out with your friends and one day u plain to go out she might ask u to stay home to do that try it out and email me in the mourning im a doctor mane.lol
Well I think that you should like your wife for who she is. your a jerk if u like her for a sexual reason. Except her religious views. Or you can talk to her about it.
Did she think sex was a sin before you got married? If this is a new ';philosophy'; of hers I would say it is grounds for an annulment. Sex is a vital part of marriage. There are always peaks and valleys but it is truly a neccessity (among many other things) for a strong marriage. It is very concerning that only after 3 months this is how things are going. Sometimes people change after getting married. I was married previously and my ex-husband changed the moment I said ';I do';. I hope this works out for the two of you but if it doesn't, do not let it sour you on all marriage. My current hubby did not change a bit and I have been very happily married for 4 1/2 yrs.
So it was okay to have premarital sex, but no sex when you're married??? What the hell is that??? I'm sorry but she sounds crazy and if I were you I would get out of that as soon as possible. It sounds like she was going along with whatever to trap you into marriage.
She's a hypocrite. If she's not giving you sex, start looking for it elsewhere.
I would Holy Roll away from her while you are still young. And I'm serious.
You will miss out on a lot of life if you stay with her. She is a selfish person who believes in the doctrine of fantasy.
Good luck.
ask her why she was a sex animal before you got married, and why she doesn't want have sex anymore.
if all else fails have loads of kids
Wow this is something....Well I'm sorry to hear about your wife and her all of a sudden holiness but I think that she should have showed you some kinds of signs before you all got married...This is crazy that you all got married and didn't do anything on your wedding night not even honeymoon and before it was 3 times a day...She just woke up the next day after marriage and decided that she wasn't going to give you any at all??? I find that real strange but in any case I would have a face to face with her and go all the way back from when you both dated...Let her know that this isn't want was expected and she should realize that married people have sex. she should also probably have a talk with her pastor so he or she can explain what the wife's duties are....If she's really in to the bible as you say this will help her get out of the way she is in and put things to light...I mean no disrepect when I say you need to help her and get things taken care of because I'm sure this was a shock to you...
Your wife is confusing religion and self-proclaimed ';holiness'; with not being about to have marital sexual relations. My husband and I are Christians, and in our church we preach from the Bible. Clearly, it states that sex between a married man and a woman should be enjoyed to the capacity of both people. There is nothing dirty about married sex or anything involved in it for that couple's enjoyment. That's what God created sex for, for our pleasure. Relgious attitudes tend to confuse what is ';right'; and not. Tell her to read the Bible, especially Corinthians. Good luck!
As adam is made for hana,a wife made for husband and vice versa.it's not a sin by doing sex with your own wife at least you do with other people that is not your wife.I am prostestan but i knew that sex between married couple is not a sin.Talk to your wife and discuss about the problem nicely and there's should be gives and takes.or,your wife might hide something from you,you should ask your wife.She might afraid to tell you because afraid that you might get hurt feelings.
Let me tell you. I am a Christian a bible follower and I would say a holy roller, who just got married four months ago. I love being intimate with my husband - it's something very special we share that solidifies us as husband and wife. We are firm believers that sex only strengthens your marriage.
I would highly recommend the book The Act of Marriage. It's a bible based, Christian book about the importance of sex between a husband and a wife. Your wife (and you) may learn how special sexual intimacy is from the book.
sit her down and tell her how you feel and that you want t divorce because she is trying to change you into something your not when she knew before the marriage and if she wants to keep you in the marriage she needs to start listening and do things to fix the marriage.
Go to a Christian marriage counselor. He/She will be respectful toward your views toward religion and also be able to deal with your wife's issues.
so start telling her you want to try conceiving a BABY........
Otherwise...get an annulment.
On the assumption that you are telling the truth, and the whole story I would say that your wife is having a crisis coming to terms with her being 'unequally yolked' to someone she has come to regard as a nonbeliever.
First I recommend that you ask her to arrange a meeting with her Pastor or Marriage Counsellor at the Church [You don't say which church denomination, so it is difficult to say this would be a good thing] you should both be there.
Ask them to provide you with the scripture references to support their position, if they actually agree with your wife. If not have them explain to you both how your wife should regard your relationship.
Be calm - however, provoked you feel.
If the outcome of such a meeting is unproductive then ask again, giving the churches reply.
Get a divorce NOW before you have children. This only gets worse! You can not win this one you have to get away from her!
Biblicly speaking, she needs to obey her husband and please you. Having sex to conceive only is not what God intended. It is to be fun. Have her read the bible. I feel for you man, thats got to be terrible. Try and romance her up a bit and try. If not, tell her if she isnt going to please you, you will go find it somewhere else.
Seriously, though, I wouldnt go other places. You will have to convince her somehow. good luck
Have you tried talking to her about this and letting her know how you feel. Honestly if you both aren't on the same page it is going to be hard to work things out.
Ok, 3 times a week can be a little tiring for a female lol, maybe she is enjoying the time off. From experience, I know that I've felt scared not to have sex with my fiance because he might not want to stay with me if he isn't getting it. Ha! Not anymore, he gets it about once a week, sometimes more. What your wife wants though is you to support her in her decision to go to church, that doesn't mean go with her all the time but ask her about it, tell her you'd like to concider finding a church you both like and go. And if she only wants to have sex when trying to conceive a baby, well if you want it that bad, you better want a baby. Support her in what she choses to do, and maybe if you act like you don't want sex from her anymore, she'll come to you. And... communicating with each other, can be the key to all problems, talk to her about it, if she doesn't chose to listen, maybe you should suggest marriage counseling. :) Good luck!
I'm sorry to say, but like the first person who answered you do have grounds for an anullment.
I think you need to suggest counseling. You both had expectations for marriage that apparently neither of you are fulfilling. You can't spend the rest of your life unhappy and unsatisfied.
WOW,this is hard to even read it,I cant even imagine how can 2 young people not be having sex,and the sad part is that u just started as a married couple.
U have to think about it seriously and if u think she's not going to change then move on,u're very young and u'll find somebody else.
OK,email me...
What a psycho!!!!!!!!! What is wrong w/ her????
Post an update tomorrow!
Tell her you thought you married the woman you dated but she seems completely different now and you don't feel like you know her. Tell her sex is a way to show your love for your spouse and God created it for more than just making babies. Ask her to go to counseling with you.
get shut of her. aarrgghhh a total nightmare.
How do I deal with a wife that won't work and two stepsons that are spoiled brats?
I am married with 2 stepsons who can do no wrong. The oldest 16 has stolen money from me and lies daily. If I confront him, it always ends up an arguement with my wife. Both sons are spoiled and my wifes parents are a big part of this. I support the household by traveling 2 weeks at a time while they have the house all to theirselves. I care for her deeply but I don't know how to deal with this situation. If I mention her getting a job,,,, fight!!!! It seems that I am wasting away. I also have a daughter from a previous marriage. She is expecting a child in 2 months. If I mention making the 5 hour drive to visit her or take new baby furniture to her,,,, fight!!!! She thinks that since I married her, I am responsible for everything they need. And only them. I drive a company car and still keep her car and my pov insured and road ready and she uses both. Still it is, What can I do for them. She wants to give her car to her oldest son!! Divorce? What would a Judge do? Her parents are $$$$How do I deal with a wife that won't work and two stepsons that are spoiled brats?
There is a lot of understandable resentment in this question. You are being taken for granted, controlled, and also disrespected.
First of all, your daughter shouldn't be competition for your wife. All you can do is be straight with your wife, tell her that you love your daughter and you are going to see her, regardless. You have every right to. Forget the emotional manipulation.
As for asking your wife to work, sit down with her and show her the finances, in black and white. Explain to her that her extra income would mean a better quality of life for all of you and some financial independence for her. If she is still unwilling, then, unfortunately, you have an immature sponger on your hands.
Also explain that you care for, and will continue to, support your child. This is a ';no deal'; situation. If your wife is selfish enough not to understand why a man would provide for his daughter, there is something wrong in her character.
As for the stepsons. There needs to be some sort of groundrules that apply to the home. Have sanctions and apply them. It's best to do this with your wife's consent. Again, explain to her that the boy who steals needs to have some kind of consequence to his actions. He is nearly a grown man. If it isn't tackled now, even at this late stage, then it doesn't bode well for his future. If he steals, he pays it back, you cut allowances, you ground him, etc. End of.
As for the car - tell her it isn't hers to give away. Perhaps you can negotiate on this - i.e. you see real improvement from him and he can have it as a reward, in a year from now. That's an incentive, isn't it?
A lot of these problems have arisen because you are not being ';head of the house';. You are giving in to your wife's demands and arguments. This is leading to disrespect from her. Both of you, ideally, should be in an equal partnership, with both of you at the helm, playing your roles. She knows she can get away with her temper tantrums because you give in just to get some peace.
If you can't get constructive solutions going, citing the overall benefits in terms your wife understands and accepts, then maybe you will have to take the route you suggest. Good luck.How do I deal with a wife that won't work and two stepsons that are spoiled brats?
Didn't you discuss this before you got married?
Are you complaining because she doesn't work and you do? I ask this because you seem to be kinda whining because you HAVE to work and provide for the family. If her kids are spoiled
as you say, you had to have known this before you got married. If you can't deal with the situation, then you need to decide what is important to you. You say you're daughter is having a baby, well she's your daughter and she needs to understand you want to do things for her also and the baby. If she can't understand that then the two of you are probably better off apart
This is the reason people should discuss all these things in advance.
its called DIVORCE. since her parents have money and the kids cant do no wrong than they all need to be together. and you need to be a dad to your daughter and a wonderful grandpa to the grandbaby. and live your life without the headaches of this woman and her brats. life is too short to be married and unhappy with a trifling wife and her trifling kids. divorce her and live your life. GodBless
well i would so get a divorce but first quit your job. since she is used to that life style she will ask for it to stay that way and more than likely get it if you dont quit your job or take a brake or something like that. also go visit your daughter regardless if it causes a fight thats is your baby and grandbaby, if she loves you then she has to understand that your baby just like you take care of her brats. good luck.
Sounds like your wife's parents are playing a big role in the fact that your wife and her sons are brats. I would break it off and take my losses. How can you live your life always being wrong and being disrespected all the time? If she shows you no respect then her children won't either. Let her parents take her crap. You don't have to.
Fight with her who cares. Go see your daughter. Get a back bone. If she doesn't let up, get a divorce. Don't let someone take advantage of you. Good luck.
No matter what - get a good lawyer. Get out of this dysfunctional marriage. It isn't healthy for you.
Run really fast, let her parents pay her way and her brats
GET OUT OF THERE. LIFE IS WAY TOO SHORT.
ALSO TO THE OTHER GUYS OUT THERE: DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES GET INVOLVED WITH A WOMAN WHO HAS CHILDREN THAT ARE NOT YOURS!!
NOTHING BUT PROBLEMS, AND WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WANTS TO BE AROUND SOME OTHER GUY'S KIDS ANYWAY?
First of all, do not expect to be second to your stepsons in your wife's eyes---especially when the oldest is approaching adulthood and is obviously capable of manipulation. Your wife promised to love you and be your partner....this means that she should be considering everything you have to say even if it is something painful regarding her child. The two of you should be a team, tackling these issues together.
Second, do not let a woman that holds her children at high esteem convince you to treat your daughter any differently! Invite her to go along with you, but if she refuses you need to visit your daughter anyway. I think part of the issue is that you are the sugar daddy and you are never around to really set up your position in that house. Counseling may help, but you've got to put your foot down somehow. Cut her off financially and tell her that those children are really not your complete responsibility---they are hers!
No one is perfect. Did you marry her for a second income or because you loved her and vowed to take care of her?
The work load is your Responsibility as a Man, Husband. The House load, raising kids is her responsibility as a Woman, Wife.
Step kids? Well, second marriages are hard, but Not impossible. Show your Wife Love, Understanding and Support. If you do not want her, there is another man out there waiting to fill your shoes. (plain truth).
You will find something wrong with the next Wife, the next wife, the next wife,etc... Because No one is Perfect!!!
Make your Marriage work because You are worth it, She is worth it and Your Marriage is worth it.
This should shed some light and give some help to you. God Bless.
http://www.loveandrespect.org
http://www.marriagetoday.org
http://marriagerestorationministries.org
why would you marry a woman who wont help support her own kids? this is not the 50s. familys can not make it financially with the stay at home mom. get a decent lawyer. if you live in a communal property state be prepared to lose half what you own and maybe pay maintenance or alimony. far as her brats go you are not legally obligated to them after they turn 18. kick em out.
If your not happy leave then. She sounds spoiled her self. Let her parents take care of her lazy butt.
Doesn't sound like a very good deal to me. What's in it for you? To have to put your daughter on the back burner is wrong and very selfish of your wife. If she refuses to help out with finances and expects you to deal with her spoiled unruly boys, how can this be amicable for you when she's just as rotten as her kids. We all make mistakes and it's OK to admit that you may have made one in marrying her.
Her parents are wealthy so if you split so you can maintain your own sanity, she %26amp; the boys will be taken care of. Marriage is not a one way street, it's not all about her. You've got a grandbaby on the way and it sounds like your wife will keep you from being involved in what should be a wonderful and exciting time in your life. Don't let her steal that from you. I hate recommending divorce, but this situation just seems really unfair and will probably stay that way. Good luck
First of all your daughter needs you more now than ever go visit her by yourself forget the wife and the brats.But you are not to choose between your kids and her kids.They are all equal no matter what the ages are.You work and buy for her kids it you job and you make it then get a back bone and do for you own kids.Stop doing so much for her and let her do without and let the brats do with out , its plain to see there is no RESPECT at all from none of them to you.make sure you walet if with you at all times do not leave money lying around and if your wife loves you as she should she will work with you and not against you and she will tell her parents to back off ,if she does not then she and her two brats can go and live with granny and pappy.Sounds to me that she is the spoiled one and it has carried over to her two sons and she needs to grow up may be some of the problem from her first marriage ,spoiled brats and buttin parents who think because they have $$$$$ they controll whom ever...No ,you need to take control of your house hold and be the man and get a back bone and speak up STOP LETTING HER AND HER BRATS AND PARENTS WALK ALL OVER YOU!!! and if she and them don't like it then show them the door.Stop providing the insurance make it to where only you and her are the only dirvers covered on the cars,if that wont work then let her pay her own. Yes I would file for Divorce,as far as a judge goes you will not pay child support for the two brat sons she has and you can fight allimony and who had the house that you live in first if you then file to keep it if she wants it then let her pay for it, if the car is not paid for let her pay for it and the insurance.I don't think granny and pappy are going to let thier little spoiled brat and brant grand kids do with out that seems to be the problem now ........You are not responsible for her kids and everything they need she is they are from a previous marriage....where is thier dad ,does she get child support from him for the brats.....if so then that is to help out in the household where ever needed to take care of them......let it be phone,tv,food,elec.car paymt.insurance that is for there benifit not for her and the brats to blow.....and if you have no kids with her that is yours and hers from this marriage then you are not out alot.......Granny and Pappy made this mess then let them have all 3 brats back and you pull yourself up and focus on your daughter and the new grandbaby that is due very soon,I understand now why your daughter lives 5 hours away Best of Luck to you and your daughter and grandchild........have respect for your self and get out now......You never said how long you have been married to this lady and the brat sons?????
Not by getting angry!
You married her knowing full well what the situations was, so why are you complaining now?
Your problems are yours to fix. Now do it.
Good luck.
There is a lot of understandable resentment in this question. You are being taken for granted, controlled, and also disrespected.
First of all, your daughter shouldn't be competition for your wife. All you can do is be straight with your wife, tell her that you love your daughter and you are going to see her, regardless. You have every right to. Forget the emotional manipulation.
As for asking your wife to work, sit down with her and show her the finances, in black and white. Explain to her that her extra income would mean a better quality of life for all of you and some financial independence for her. If she is still unwilling, then, unfortunately, you have an immature sponger on your hands.
Also explain that you care for, and will continue to, support your child. This is a ';no deal'; situation. If your wife is selfish enough not to understand why a man would provide for his daughter, there is something wrong in her character.
As for the stepsons. There needs to be some sort of groundrules that apply to the home. Have sanctions and apply them. It's best to do this with your wife's consent. Again, explain to her that the boy who steals needs to have some kind of consequence to his actions. He is nearly a grown man. If it isn't tackled now, even at this late stage, then it doesn't bode well for his future. If he steals, he pays it back, you cut allowances, you ground him, etc. End of.
As for the car - tell her it isn't hers to give away. Perhaps you can negotiate on this - i.e. you see real improvement from him and he can have it as a reward, in a year from now. That's an incentive, isn't it?
A lot of these problems have arisen because you are not being ';head of the house';. You are giving in to your wife's demands and arguments. This is leading to disrespect from her. Both of you, ideally, should be in an equal partnership, with both of you at the helm, playing your roles. She knows she can get away with her temper tantrums because you give in just to get some peace.
If you can't get constructive solutions going, citing the overall benefits in terms your wife understands and accepts, then maybe you will have to take the route you suggest. Good luck.How do I deal with a wife that won't work and two stepsons that are spoiled brats?
Didn't you discuss this before you got married?
Are you complaining because she doesn't work and you do? I ask this because you seem to be kinda whining because you HAVE to work and provide for the family. If her kids are spoiled
as you say, you had to have known this before you got married. If you can't deal with the situation, then you need to decide what is important to you. You say you're daughter is having a baby, well she's your daughter and she needs to understand you want to do things for her also and the baby. If she can't understand that then the two of you are probably better off apart
This is the reason people should discuss all these things in advance.
its called DIVORCE. since her parents have money and the kids cant do no wrong than they all need to be together. and you need to be a dad to your daughter and a wonderful grandpa to the grandbaby. and live your life without the headaches of this woman and her brats. life is too short to be married and unhappy with a trifling wife and her trifling kids. divorce her and live your life. GodBless
well i would so get a divorce but first quit your job. since she is used to that life style she will ask for it to stay that way and more than likely get it if you dont quit your job or take a brake or something like that. also go visit your daughter regardless if it causes a fight thats is your baby and grandbaby, if she loves you then she has to understand that your baby just like you take care of her brats. good luck.
Sounds like your wife's parents are playing a big role in the fact that your wife and her sons are brats. I would break it off and take my losses. How can you live your life always being wrong and being disrespected all the time? If she shows you no respect then her children won't either. Let her parents take her crap. You don't have to.
Fight with her who cares. Go see your daughter. Get a back bone. If she doesn't let up, get a divorce. Don't let someone take advantage of you. Good luck.
No matter what - get a good lawyer. Get out of this dysfunctional marriage. It isn't healthy for you.
Run really fast, let her parents pay her way and her brats
GET OUT OF THERE. LIFE IS WAY TOO SHORT.
ALSO TO THE OTHER GUYS OUT THERE: DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES GET INVOLVED WITH A WOMAN WHO HAS CHILDREN THAT ARE NOT YOURS!!
NOTHING BUT PROBLEMS, AND WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WANTS TO BE AROUND SOME OTHER GUY'S KIDS ANYWAY?
First of all, do not expect to be second to your stepsons in your wife's eyes---especially when the oldest is approaching adulthood and is obviously capable of manipulation. Your wife promised to love you and be your partner....this means that she should be considering everything you have to say even if it is something painful regarding her child. The two of you should be a team, tackling these issues together.
Second, do not let a woman that holds her children at high esteem convince you to treat your daughter any differently! Invite her to go along with you, but if she refuses you need to visit your daughter anyway. I think part of the issue is that you are the sugar daddy and you are never around to really set up your position in that house. Counseling may help, but you've got to put your foot down somehow. Cut her off financially and tell her that those children are really not your complete responsibility---they are hers!
No one is perfect. Did you marry her for a second income or because you loved her and vowed to take care of her?
The work load is your Responsibility as a Man, Husband. The House load, raising kids is her responsibility as a Woman, Wife.
Step kids? Well, second marriages are hard, but Not impossible. Show your Wife Love, Understanding and Support. If you do not want her, there is another man out there waiting to fill your shoes. (plain truth).
You will find something wrong with the next Wife, the next wife, the next wife,etc... Because No one is Perfect!!!
Make your Marriage work because You are worth it, She is worth it and Your Marriage is worth it.
This should shed some light and give some help to you. God Bless.
http://www.loveandrespect.org
http://www.marriagetoday.org
http://marriagerestorationministries.org
why would you marry a woman who wont help support her own kids? this is not the 50s. familys can not make it financially with the stay at home mom. get a decent lawyer. if you live in a communal property state be prepared to lose half what you own and maybe pay maintenance or alimony. far as her brats go you are not legally obligated to them after they turn 18. kick em out.
If your not happy leave then. She sounds spoiled her self. Let her parents take care of her lazy butt.
Doesn't sound like a very good deal to me. What's in it for you? To have to put your daughter on the back burner is wrong and very selfish of your wife. If she refuses to help out with finances and expects you to deal with her spoiled unruly boys, how can this be amicable for you when she's just as rotten as her kids. We all make mistakes and it's OK to admit that you may have made one in marrying her.
Her parents are wealthy so if you split so you can maintain your own sanity, she %26amp; the boys will be taken care of. Marriage is not a one way street, it's not all about her. You've got a grandbaby on the way and it sounds like your wife will keep you from being involved in what should be a wonderful and exciting time in your life. Don't let her steal that from you. I hate recommending divorce, but this situation just seems really unfair and will probably stay that way. Good luck
First of all your daughter needs you more now than ever go visit her by yourself forget the wife and the brats.But you are not to choose between your kids and her kids.They are all equal no matter what the ages are.You work and buy for her kids it you job and you make it then get a back bone and do for you own kids.Stop doing so much for her and let her do without and let the brats do with out , its plain to see there is no RESPECT at all from none of them to you.make sure you walet if with you at all times do not leave money lying around and if your wife loves you as she should she will work with you and not against you and she will tell her parents to back off ,if she does not then she and her two brats can go and live with granny and pappy.Sounds to me that she is the spoiled one and it has carried over to her two sons and she needs to grow up may be some of the problem from her first marriage ,spoiled brats and buttin parents who think because they have $$$$$ they controll whom ever...No ,you need to take control of your house hold and be the man and get a back bone and speak up STOP LETTING HER AND HER BRATS AND PARENTS WALK ALL OVER YOU!!! and if she and them don't like it then show them the door.Stop providing the insurance make it to where only you and her are the only dirvers covered on the cars,if that wont work then let her pay her own. Yes I would file for Divorce,as far as a judge goes you will not pay child support for the two brat sons she has and you can fight allimony and who had the house that you live in first if you then file to keep it if she wants it then let her pay for it, if the car is not paid for let her pay for it and the insurance.I don't think granny and pappy are going to let thier little spoiled brat and brant grand kids do with out that seems to be the problem now ........You are not responsible for her kids and everything they need she is they are from a previous marriage....where is thier dad ,does she get child support from him for the brats.....if so then that is to help out in the household where ever needed to take care of them......let it be phone,tv,food,elec.car paymt.insurance that is for there benifit not for her and the brats to blow.....and if you have no kids with her that is yours and hers from this marriage then you are not out alot.......Granny and Pappy made this mess then let them have all 3 brats back and you pull yourself up and focus on your daughter and the new grandbaby that is due very soon,I understand now why your daughter lives 5 hours away Best of Luck to you and your daughter and grandchild........have respect for your self and get out now......You never said how long you have been married to this lady and the brat sons?????
Not by getting angry!
You married her knowing full well what the situations was, so why are you complaining now?
Your problems are yours to fix. Now do it.
Good luck.
How does a man deal with a wife who is like this?
You're out for lunch with your wife and kid. The wife asks a question that confuses you. You say ';what?'; She starts accusing you of not listening. You tell her you were confused because she said ';A, B and C.'; She denies she said ';A, B and C.'; She then says your kid said ';A, B and C.'; Your child agrees with you that she did indeed say ';A, B and C.'; She still denies she asked ';A, B and C'; and says the kid said it and to drop it.
The whole premise of the marriage is to fix you and not her. She is perfect in everyday. She is INFALLIBLE! How do you deal with it?How does a man deal with a wife who is like this?
relax dude. i was at the next table, she didn't say A, B and C, she only said B and C. anyway, remember this for a good marriage. She is always RIGHT..
also, does your child want to live? better start agreeing with mom...
after you realize she is always right. go play some golf and have a couple of beer, or Scotch.How does a man deal with a wife who is like this?
what is A, B and C that would help a bit if you told us what she said because writing it like that just proves you were not listening to her LoL
just go out and say yes, I ignored you because your perfect and I'm not, so whatever comes out of my mouth would just be a jumbled mess and couldnt be worth your beautiful mess of perfectionism
You ignore her and eat lunch. It probably was over somethin minor and stupid, anyway.
Does she want a marriage or a whipped dog? Find those two round things in your pants and let her have it.
hahahahaha... lol chill man.. gotta relax have a beer..
u made my day dude .. lol.. i love how u explain everything usin A B C.. lol..hijackthis web development
The whole premise of the marriage is to fix you and not her. She is perfect in everyday. She is INFALLIBLE! How do you deal with it?How does a man deal with a wife who is like this?
relax dude. i was at the next table, she didn't say A, B and C, she only said B and C. anyway, remember this for a good marriage. She is always RIGHT..
also, does your child want to live? better start agreeing with mom...
after you realize she is always right. go play some golf and have a couple of beer, or Scotch.How does a man deal with a wife who is like this?
what is A, B and C that would help a bit if you told us what she said because writing it like that just proves you were not listening to her LoL
just go out and say yes, I ignored you because your perfect and I'm not, so whatever comes out of my mouth would just be a jumbled mess and couldnt be worth your beautiful mess of perfectionism
You ignore her and eat lunch. It probably was over somethin minor and stupid, anyway.
Does she want a marriage or a whipped dog? Find those two round things in your pants and let her have it.
hahahahaha... lol chill man.. gotta relax have a beer..
u made my day dude .. lol.. i love how u explain everything usin A B C.. lol..
How does one deal with an ex-wife who makes ludicrous accusations to keep you from seeing your child?
I have attempted to visit my 11 year old child several times this past year with no luck. She is in contempt of court and I have a lawyer and am taking her to court but not before she serves me with papers making accusations that I am basically a perverted drunk and I make my daughter uncomfortable (thats the clean version). I pay child support and I have a great relationship with my daughter when we are together, and I am in the medical profession. There are so many dead beat fathers out there that get to see their children all the time, why must I go through this BS when I do everything I can to be a good dad. How can I deal with such an evil person???How does one deal with an ex-wife who makes ludicrous accusations to keep you from seeing your child?
Start recording all your phone conversations and keep a diary of the dates and times you've tried to see your child. Look up 'Parent Alienation Sydrome' on the internet too. It's actually very common. She is no doubt brain washing your child too. Hopefully the courts will interview your child while your wife is NOT in the room. They will have court appointed child psychologists for that, who can determine if your ex is saying derogatory things about you to your child. Don't worry...they will either take the child from her and give her to you, or they will FORCE the Mom to allow you your visitation. They may even make Mom take supervised visitations.How does one deal with an ex-wife who makes ludicrous accusations to keep you from seeing your child?
She will tip her hand one day and all the lies she is telling will be known. Let the courts handle it for now, in the long run you will come out ahead. I know a few guys personally that have gone through the same thing and even though it was hard not to see their kids it has paid off today. One even got full custody of his daughter because the court ruled the mother was unfit in her behavior towards the father.
An eleven year old is old enough to speak for herself, and let's hope that she is not making ';ludicrous'; accusations like her mom. And it doesn't matter what profession you are in, that does not exempt you or anyone else from pedophilia or child molestation.
Anywhoooooo, how you deal with it is with a lawyer and a judge, I think you are doing the right thing in that area, but your comparisons to other people (deadbeat dads for egs) make me go ';ugh';.
You don't have to deal with the wife (the evil person) you have to deal with yourself and your daughter so that you can achieve whatever outcome your heart truly desires.
I can only tell you that I'm so sorry. Your ex doesn't seem to understand some very basic fundamentals about having children - especially daughters. Daughters need their dads so much!
I am divorced with three daughters. My ex is a lawyer and didn't even want children, let alone do one single thing to raise them (they are all teenagers now). I would give absolutely anything for them to have a relationship with their father. He cannot be made to understand that he has devastated their lives by not being there for them - ever.
I'm telling you, I do not understand these vindictive women who try to keep the kids away from their ex - who absolutely needs to be a part of their lives. Very controlling!!!
the same way you would deal with an ex-husband doing the same thing .. you just deal with it.. stand your ground for the childs sake and dont do anything stupid to make it look like you're vengeful and hateful to the ex because in time the way they are acting to make you look bad will only backfire and make everyone see their true selves..
sounds like you are doing the right thing with your lawyer and such.. just don't give up for your daughters sake.. things will work out in time..
Call her or email her and ask her what does she want from you in order to see your daughter. If you pay child support, and it is court ordered just ask her plain in simple if it's not a problem with the money, and if a judge granted it what exactly does she want. Talk in a low tone, and no matter how upset she gets I would not let that change my tone of voice. If she says all the stuff that you were only able to give us the clean version of then tell her you have a lawyer, and you are willing to go to court on the accusations she is alleging. Tell her if I have to face a judge because of your accusations in order to see my daughter then that's what I will do. Then say to her once that is all over, and those accusations prove to be false then what else will you have to do in order to see your daughter. If she says nothing then I would leave it alone because as long as you two go back in forth she is going to always make you out to be the bad person in front of your daughter. I would write your daughter a letter, and take it to her school, and have the front office give it to her ';not you'; but make sure you tell them who you are, and let her know on a child's level the discussion you had with her mother, and let her know that ';you'; are not the reason you can't see her. Once she takes that note home to her mother then her mother will have some questions to answer. Good luck.
You take the high road and let the courts and your lawyer do their jobs. Under no circumstances should you deal with her in person at this time, Make sure that you ask your lawyer if it would be possible to get a court appointed physiologist to interview your daughter and/or observe you and your daughter together,
Since these accusations are false, I would certainly pursue suing your ex for defamation of character and anything else you and your lawyer can think of, she is using a child to get back at you, so you have to be both ruthless and smart, make sure you do everything by the book and know this: every dirty tactic she is using against you now, will come back to her threefold, because your daughter knows the truth, and soon enough, she will be at an age where her mother will no longer be able to stand between you. Make sure, when you see your daughter, not to make the visits about your ex, Do not even discuss her mother, nor speak badly of her (difficult, I know), just focus on making the best of the time you have, bonding and forming the best relationship you can with your child. It will get better, hang in there, Good luck.
Ask the court to assign a GAL to report on your relationship with your child and the child's relationship with her mother. In this way you will have a neutral third party to present the findings to the court. The system is broken allowing such things to be taken as the truth because no judge wants to be on the 11:00 news stating that he/she didn't assign a restraining order if something did happen. There is no due process when it comes down to restraining orders.
My ex was the same way. Or worse, she almost had my daughter convienced she was haveing repressed memory's about being molested by me. My daughter is 25 now and dosn't hesitate to tell anybody her mother is a pethitec piece of **** for all the trouble she caused us all.
I feel really bad for you and your daughter. What he said before me is basically what you need to do. Its going to cost you a lot of money but you need to document EVERYTHING and take her to court. Im suprised she hasn't been arrested for being in contempt of court. One day your daughter will see right through her.. just be normal for your daughter and she will remember that.
Start recording all your phone conversations and keep a diary of the dates and times you've tried to see your child. Look up 'Parent Alienation Sydrome' on the internet too. It's actually very common. She is no doubt brain washing your child too. Hopefully the courts will interview your child while your wife is NOT in the room. They will have court appointed child psychologists for that, who can determine if your ex is saying derogatory things about you to your child. Don't worry...they will either take the child from her and give her to you, or they will FORCE the Mom to allow you your visitation. They may even make Mom take supervised visitations.How does one deal with an ex-wife who makes ludicrous accusations to keep you from seeing your child?
She will tip her hand one day and all the lies she is telling will be known. Let the courts handle it for now, in the long run you will come out ahead. I know a few guys personally that have gone through the same thing and even though it was hard not to see their kids it has paid off today. One even got full custody of his daughter because the court ruled the mother was unfit in her behavior towards the father.
An eleven year old is old enough to speak for herself, and let's hope that she is not making ';ludicrous'; accusations like her mom. And it doesn't matter what profession you are in, that does not exempt you or anyone else from pedophilia or child molestation.
Anywhoooooo, how you deal with it is with a lawyer and a judge, I think you are doing the right thing in that area, but your comparisons to other people (deadbeat dads for egs) make me go ';ugh';.
You don't have to deal with the wife (the evil person) you have to deal with yourself and your daughter so that you can achieve whatever outcome your heart truly desires.
I can only tell you that I'm so sorry. Your ex doesn't seem to understand some very basic fundamentals about having children - especially daughters. Daughters need their dads so much!
I am divorced with three daughters. My ex is a lawyer and didn't even want children, let alone do one single thing to raise them (they are all teenagers now). I would give absolutely anything for them to have a relationship with their father. He cannot be made to understand that he has devastated their lives by not being there for them - ever.
I'm telling you, I do not understand these vindictive women who try to keep the kids away from their ex - who absolutely needs to be a part of their lives. Very controlling!!!
the same way you would deal with an ex-husband doing the same thing .. you just deal with it.. stand your ground for the childs sake and dont do anything stupid to make it look like you're vengeful and hateful to the ex because in time the way they are acting to make you look bad will only backfire and make everyone see their true selves..
sounds like you are doing the right thing with your lawyer and such.. just don't give up for your daughters sake.. things will work out in time..
Call her or email her and ask her what does she want from you in order to see your daughter. If you pay child support, and it is court ordered just ask her plain in simple if it's not a problem with the money, and if a judge granted it what exactly does she want. Talk in a low tone, and no matter how upset she gets I would not let that change my tone of voice. If she says all the stuff that you were only able to give us the clean version of then tell her you have a lawyer, and you are willing to go to court on the accusations she is alleging. Tell her if I have to face a judge because of your accusations in order to see my daughter then that's what I will do. Then say to her once that is all over, and those accusations prove to be false then what else will you have to do in order to see your daughter. If she says nothing then I would leave it alone because as long as you two go back in forth she is going to always make you out to be the bad person in front of your daughter. I would write your daughter a letter, and take it to her school, and have the front office give it to her ';not you'; but make sure you tell them who you are, and let her know on a child's level the discussion you had with her mother, and let her know that ';you'; are not the reason you can't see her. Once she takes that note home to her mother then her mother will have some questions to answer. Good luck.
You take the high road and let the courts and your lawyer do their jobs. Under no circumstances should you deal with her in person at this time, Make sure that you ask your lawyer if it would be possible to get a court appointed physiologist to interview your daughter and/or observe you and your daughter together,
Since these accusations are false, I would certainly pursue suing your ex for defamation of character and anything else you and your lawyer can think of, she is using a child to get back at you, so you have to be both ruthless and smart, make sure you do everything by the book and know this: every dirty tactic she is using against you now, will come back to her threefold, because your daughter knows the truth, and soon enough, she will be at an age where her mother will no longer be able to stand between you. Make sure, when you see your daughter, not to make the visits about your ex, Do not even discuss her mother, nor speak badly of her (difficult, I know), just focus on making the best of the time you have, bonding and forming the best relationship you can with your child. It will get better, hang in there, Good luck.
Ask the court to assign a GAL to report on your relationship with your child and the child's relationship with her mother. In this way you will have a neutral third party to present the findings to the court. The system is broken allowing such things to be taken as the truth because no judge wants to be on the 11:00 news stating that he/she didn't assign a restraining order if something did happen. There is no due process when it comes down to restraining orders.
My ex was the same way. Or worse, she almost had my daughter convienced she was haveing repressed memory's about being molested by me. My daughter is 25 now and dosn't hesitate to tell anybody her mother is a pethitec piece of **** for all the trouble she caused us all.
I feel really bad for you and your daughter. What he said before me is basically what you need to do. Its going to cost you a lot of money but you need to document EVERYTHING and take her to court. Im suprised she hasn't been arrested for being in contempt of court. One day your daughter will see right through her.. just be normal for your daughter and she will remember that.
Polygamy Question. How to deal with co-wife?
I am my husbands second wife. I am slowly getting over the idea that I will never be his one and only. We are Muslim and polygamy is legal in Islam, he can have up to 4 wives. I have in my marriage contract he is not allowed to marry anyone else. But his first wife is still around. She is in another country and I have never met her. She and I have talked on the phone, but only breifly. We are trying to learn how to communicate, because I only speak a little Arabic and she only speaks a little English. She is coming next month. How do I cope with this? I have had my husband to myself for 2 years and she has been away from him for 5 years. I am not worried about the language barriar as much as I am about jealousy and how we can be friends? I am 20 and very jealous. I didn't know anything about her until after I had known my husband (just as friends still) for 1 year.I fell in love, so I decided to marry him, but this is still a problem to me.Anyone want to offer anything nonjudgemental?Polygamy Question. How to deal with co-wife?
Wow, I would be jealous also, but at the same time you knew he was already married. Just pray on it. You will figure out a way to keep yourself from hurting. Ooh, I would not like it at all. Five years is alot of time to catch up on. All I know, if it were my husband, he would be sleeping with me the whole time....lol...lol. And because I feel the way that I do (jealous) I would be around them at all times....Wow, girl, I feel for you. Maybe she just wants to meet the young lady who has stolen her heart away. His heart is with you just remember that. He has been yours for two years.Polygamy Question. How to deal with co-wife?
Something Specially
For You
I said a prayer for you today
And know God must have heard-
I felt the answer in my heart
Although He spoke no word!
I didn't ask for wealth or fame
(I knew you wouldn't mind)-
I asked Him to send you treasures
Of a far more lasting kind!
I asked that He'd be near you
At the start of each new day
To grant you health and blessings
And my friendship to share your way
I asked for happiness for you
In all things great and small-
But it was for His loving care
I prayed the most of all.
i so sorry i have no advice for your situation. i think you are very strong though to be married to a man that has another woman. maybe you should think in terms of pleaseing your huband. think what makes him happy and what he wants.
good luck
Congratulations and I strongly appreciate you, young lady, for having that kind of soft and kind heart. I hope many of these women on earth have the same tribe with you. Allowing a husbands to marry more than one is rare to women, because only a few like you don't feel jealous. Mostly are possessive and never allowed their husbands to share with other women. Well, since you are a muslim and it is allowable in Islam, you have to accept her as your husband first wife, be friend with her, accept her as you accept your husband to live in peace and harmony. For your language barriers, why not try to stay in nearby places and open a door to one another to oftenly pay a visit each other's home you can communicate with her as often asyou want and both of you will learn defferent languages?
Wow, I would be jealous also, but at the same time you knew he was already married. Just pray on it. You will figure out a way to keep yourself from hurting. Ooh, I would not like it at all. Five years is alot of time to catch up on. All I know, if it were my husband, he would be sleeping with me the whole time....lol...lol. And because I feel the way that I do (jealous) I would be around them at all times....Wow, girl, I feel for you. Maybe she just wants to meet the young lady who has stolen her heart away. His heart is with you just remember that. He has been yours for two years.Polygamy Question. How to deal with co-wife?
Something Specially
For You
I said a prayer for you today
And know God must have heard-
I felt the answer in my heart
Although He spoke no word!
I didn't ask for wealth or fame
(I knew you wouldn't mind)-
I asked Him to send you treasures
Of a far more lasting kind!
I asked that He'd be near you
At the start of each new day
To grant you health and blessings
And my friendship to share your way
I asked for happiness for you
In all things great and small-
But it was for His loving care
I prayed the most of all.
i so sorry i have no advice for your situation. i think you are very strong though to be married to a man that has another woman. maybe you should think in terms of pleaseing your huband. think what makes him happy and what he wants.
good luck
Congratulations and I strongly appreciate you, young lady, for having that kind of soft and kind heart. I hope many of these women on earth have the same tribe with you. Allowing a husbands to marry more than one is rare to women, because only a few like you don't feel jealous. Mostly are possessive and never allowed their husbands to share with other women. Well, since you are a muslim and it is allowable in Islam, you have to accept her as your husband first wife, be friend with her, accept her as you accept your husband to live in peace and harmony. For your language barriers, why not try to stay in nearby places and open a door to one another to oftenly pay a visit each other's home you can communicate with her as often asyou want and both of you will learn defferent languages?
How to deal with a wife who gets annoyed of everything I do??!!! and never say sorry!! PLEASE HELP!!?
we are just 6 month married. We married with love!but since our wedding day, my wife is just get annoyed of anything I do! she makes problems about the way I brush my teeth, the way I wear my shoes, the way I sort out problems, bla bla blaa.... now i have a hell life!! how can I deal with such person!?!?!! I hate of seriously considering about divorcing :(
She never says ';sorry'; for her stupid behaviors, mistakes... She makes me MAD!!!!!!!!!How to deal with a wife who gets annoyed of everything I do??!!! and never say sorry!! PLEASE HELP!!?
First of all, I will admit that I used to be like that but I have never been that picky as she is. I have never complain about how my husband brushes his teeth or wear his shoes, etc. I mostly complain about doing things around the house, helping me, being with me a little more.
I will tell you not to give up yet. The advice that was given to me and can apply to you is, do everything you can and suppose to do before you totally give up. Your marriage is fresh so that means things are going to be touchy to you and her. That is common and nothing to get so upset about until you just leave it all behind. Work through it and with it. Have you told her that she hurt your feelings or she naggs you a little too much? Start there. Communication is the key. That is a matter my husband and I are still working on. COMMUNICATION is one of the known causes of divorces along with other issues. If communication is going to cause an arguement, oh well. It is best to get it out instead of it staying in. Plus, you will probably feel a lot better. She deserves to treat you with respect and same goes for you. The only that point is going to be out in the open is when you bring it up. If it so easy to quit anything but it take a strong, dedicated, and determined person to stay with something until the end. I think you need to work at it a little longer because 6 months is not even close enough to know if you are done with this person or not. I have been with my husband for 4 years and it will be 5 in July. Believe me, all those years were not easy. We argued our first few months of marriage but we got through it and moved on. Now, we still have our disagreements but we move on. I was given a prayer that I want to give to you and I hope it is a guide for you and your wife. The title of it is, ';A Marriage Prayer.'; Lord, help us to remember when we first met and the strong love that grew between us. To work that love into practical things so nothing can divide us. We ask for words both kind and loving and hearts always ready to ask forgiveness as well as forgive. Dear Lord, we put our marriage into your hands.
Recite that prayer everyday when you get up and hopefully, prayerfully everything will work out for the best. When you have done all you can, that's when you will know if it is time for the both of you to go your seperate ways. Lastly, whatever you do, do NOT get relatives involve in your marriage or so called friends. Work together and everything will be alright.
Best of luck to you and your wife and I hope things work out. I'm telling you all of this because I'm going through a little confusion in my marriage this week as well but it will be alright. I'm getting through it and I'm praying about it. I love my husband but sometimes he work my last nerve. Same words you said about your wife, right?How to deal with a wife who gets annoyed of everything I do??!!! and never say sorry!! PLEASE HELP!!?
This is NOT about going to counseling. She does NOT love you.
I am sorry to say this - from one man to another - she married you because she ';thought'; that having you take care of her would make her happy. But it is not working. So she secretly blames you for her unhappiness - but it isn't you it is HER. If you stay with her - if you have children with her - your life will be HELL. This is how women treat men they don't love. They abuse them.
If you tell her you want a divorce she ';might'; promise to improve, but it won't last. For whatever reason she is not able to see what a great guy you are. I bet LOTS of other women will want you and will love you back.
I think you need to ask her why she married you. It doesn't look like she is admiring and respecting those things she fell in love with you for.
I can relate because the first month or two were like that, except I was the wife :(
I felt terrible the way I was so picky to my husband, and I realized that if we both were going to enjoy the marriage I'd need to loosen up a bit!
I'm not being mean but you both sound very young and clearly not ready for marriage. Neither of you has the ability or skill to navigate these stupid little issues. She sounds like a spoiled brat and you sound like you don't have a back bone to stand up to her. She is going to walk all over you. If she can't say sorry for being rude or mean now what happens when the real problems come?
I would ask her honey I seem to be bothering you alot lately is there something that I am doing different? I don't mean to upset you but it has been stressing me out. I know it seems delicate but us woman can be pretty moody sometimes. Chances are there is a deeper issue. Like maybe adjusting to married life has been hard and she needs someone to talk to.
Try to find out why she does it. Don't think about divorce yet. My husband used not to say sorry too, n he even said that he will never use sorry n thank you words. But he changed him self n I have changed my self too. Work on your marriage. Honestly, girls might act very harsh when they are deeply hurt. Talk to her. Maybe it is some sort of protection. Don't give up :)
just talk to her. she might be stressed out. i know i get like that sometimes and it's just because i'm stressed from work and the kids.
welcome to the married life buddy.
honestly sit and talk to her if she cared she would work on it with you.
if she dont piss her off on purpose.
There always counseling. If that fails, divorce. Better an early break-up. Less painful.
Counseling
Divorce
bin her mate, its only going to get worse, or just stop listening to her and ignore her when she nags
Just ignore her. In fact, get sloppier.
first try counsiling then if that dose not work then get a divorce
She never says ';sorry'; for her stupid behaviors, mistakes... She makes me MAD!!!!!!!!!How to deal with a wife who gets annoyed of everything I do??!!! and never say sorry!! PLEASE HELP!!?
First of all, I will admit that I used to be like that but I have never been that picky as she is. I have never complain about how my husband brushes his teeth or wear his shoes, etc. I mostly complain about doing things around the house, helping me, being with me a little more.
I will tell you not to give up yet. The advice that was given to me and can apply to you is, do everything you can and suppose to do before you totally give up. Your marriage is fresh so that means things are going to be touchy to you and her. That is common and nothing to get so upset about until you just leave it all behind. Work through it and with it. Have you told her that she hurt your feelings or she naggs you a little too much? Start there. Communication is the key. That is a matter my husband and I are still working on. COMMUNICATION is one of the known causes of divorces along with other issues. If communication is going to cause an arguement, oh well. It is best to get it out instead of it staying in. Plus, you will probably feel a lot better. She deserves to treat you with respect and same goes for you. The only that point is going to be out in the open is when you bring it up. If it so easy to quit anything but it take a strong, dedicated, and determined person to stay with something until the end. I think you need to work at it a little longer because 6 months is not even close enough to know if you are done with this person or not. I have been with my husband for 4 years and it will be 5 in July. Believe me, all those years were not easy. We argued our first few months of marriage but we got through it and moved on. Now, we still have our disagreements but we move on. I was given a prayer that I want to give to you and I hope it is a guide for you and your wife. The title of it is, ';A Marriage Prayer.'; Lord, help us to remember when we first met and the strong love that grew between us. To work that love into practical things so nothing can divide us. We ask for words both kind and loving and hearts always ready to ask forgiveness as well as forgive. Dear Lord, we put our marriage into your hands.
Recite that prayer everyday when you get up and hopefully, prayerfully everything will work out for the best. When you have done all you can, that's when you will know if it is time for the both of you to go your seperate ways. Lastly, whatever you do, do NOT get relatives involve in your marriage or so called friends. Work together and everything will be alright.
Best of luck to you and your wife and I hope things work out. I'm telling you all of this because I'm going through a little confusion in my marriage this week as well but it will be alright. I'm getting through it and I'm praying about it. I love my husband but sometimes he work my last nerve. Same words you said about your wife, right?How to deal with a wife who gets annoyed of everything I do??!!! and never say sorry!! PLEASE HELP!!?
This is NOT about going to counseling. She does NOT love you.
I am sorry to say this - from one man to another - she married you because she ';thought'; that having you take care of her would make her happy. But it is not working. So she secretly blames you for her unhappiness - but it isn't you it is HER. If you stay with her - if you have children with her - your life will be HELL. This is how women treat men they don't love. They abuse them.
If you tell her you want a divorce she ';might'; promise to improve, but it won't last. For whatever reason she is not able to see what a great guy you are. I bet LOTS of other women will want you and will love you back.
I think you need to ask her why she married you. It doesn't look like she is admiring and respecting those things she fell in love with you for.
I can relate because the first month or two were like that, except I was the wife :(
I felt terrible the way I was so picky to my husband, and I realized that if we both were going to enjoy the marriage I'd need to loosen up a bit!
I'm not being mean but you both sound very young and clearly not ready for marriage. Neither of you has the ability or skill to navigate these stupid little issues. She sounds like a spoiled brat and you sound like you don't have a back bone to stand up to her. She is going to walk all over you. If she can't say sorry for being rude or mean now what happens when the real problems come?
I would ask her honey I seem to be bothering you alot lately is there something that I am doing different? I don't mean to upset you but it has been stressing me out. I know it seems delicate but us woman can be pretty moody sometimes. Chances are there is a deeper issue. Like maybe adjusting to married life has been hard and she needs someone to talk to.
Try to find out why she does it. Don't think about divorce yet. My husband used not to say sorry too, n he even said that he will never use sorry n thank you words. But he changed him self n I have changed my self too. Work on your marriage. Honestly, girls might act very harsh when they are deeply hurt. Talk to her. Maybe it is some sort of protection. Don't give up :)
just talk to her. she might be stressed out. i know i get like that sometimes and it's just because i'm stressed from work and the kids.
welcome to the married life buddy.
honestly sit and talk to her if she cared she would work on it with you.
if she dont piss her off on purpose.
There always counseling. If that fails, divorce. Better an early break-up. Less painful.
Counseling
Divorce
bin her mate, its only going to get worse, or just stop listening to her and ignore her when she nags
Just ignore her. In fact, get sloppier.
first try counsiling then if that dose not work then get a divorce
How do I deal with my wife leaving me and the pain/anxiety?
My wife and I have been married for 8 1/2 years and we have a 21 month old daughter. We had been on the rocks now for 2 months now, and it recently turned for the worse when she said she wanted to move out. I questioned her motives and she said that we were more like roomates now than husband and wife. It also came out that she had an ';interest'; in a guy from her work who she had 'hooked up'; with but not had sex with as yet. We went to counseling together, and she went alone as well. Nothing helped. I even forgave her for her indescretion and asked that we commit ourselves 100% for 30 days to see if we could make it work for our sake as well as our daughters. She thought about it for 2 days and then said she couldn't do it. I even had agreed to separate as long as we agreed not to see other people, and she wouldn't commit to that either.
My mom and dad died last year, and this was the only family that I have, I have done everything I could to keep things together. I don't understand how this woman that I have known and been best friends with for so many years can be so cold to me all of a sudden. She has already told me that I am better looking than this other guy, I keep myself in very good shape, I am in the gym 5 days a week because I always wanted her to have a good opinion of me, but then why go for someone else?
I thought that if this ever happened that I would want to be with as many women as possible, but I haven't even been able to get my head around it. I went to the Dr. and he put me on a low dose of anti-depressants, but even that has not worked well. I think I could have normally handled this ok, but it has just been a series of 5 years of problems. Deaths, financial issues, and now this. I find myself pacing about, and am having problems thinking of anything else. The only thing that has helped is to drink, but I still have to work. I want to be able to turn this off...to hate her if I have to, but I can't right now. How did any of you deal with something similar? I need to figure this out...your thoughts?How do I deal with my wife leaving me and the pain/anxiety?
The first thing you need to do is call this depression, anxiety, sadness, frustration, and regret to a halt RIGHT NOW. You have a child to think about. This may seem like 5 years of hell that you've been through but keep in mind that you, my friend, are only in Chapter 4 of your life and the book isn't over yet. To get to the next (better) chapter, you must get past THIS. You have to. There is no other option. Your wife says she doesn't love you. That's her problem, not yours and I'm saying that from life experience. After 10 years of marriage, I said the same exact thing to my ex and it was because I'd gotten sick and tired of being sick and tired and there were no changes happening and I made a choice. She made a choice. She has a right to do that. Don't take it personally. You could've spent 10 hours a day in the gym and, if that's what she wanted to do, it wouldn't have made a difference.
Remember that you are perfect just as you are. Remember that you deserve the best. Remember that you don't teach your children what true love is by being in a marriage with someone who doesn't have it for you. Remember that there are great big lessons to learn from your parents death and from her leaving. You have a choice. This can be an obstacle or it can be an opportunity. You never know how strong you are until you have to be the one to encourage yourself and get through this.
Know that everything happens for a reason. Know that you can handle this and use this situation to be the best man you can be, rise to the occasion, handle your business, and move on with joy and ease. Your child will be fine, as long as she sees at least one parent who is.
Stay strong...How do I deal with my wife leaving me and the pain/anxiety?
try a new activity within the community..take a night course at college..
leave her. i am sorry to ssay but she is not in love with you.
get a dog (no,really)
excuse me, but I have only one answer for you and your wife, and that is Jesus Christ.
If you are still reading, I would suggest that you find a bible and start reading it, I mean if your marriage is really worth saving and you are down to nothing else, than just pick up and start reading. Remember, you are going to be up against a force that will want to kill your marriage and get you upset and angry and even want to kill.
You are the Leader of your Family, you need to do leader things. Lead your Family by example and not by some sermon. Lean on God and God will be your Strength. I would suggest you start reading in the book of John first, then you can read all the others later, but read that one first and God's Word will not let you down.
See, I was in your situation, but I had some real bad things happen and I ended up in jail, but God is faithful and delivered me from certain anguish. I can only share what God has done, you are going to have to have faith, without it you are not going to have peace. You need to believe in what you do and do what you believe. It is going to be up hill all the way, and if you feel comfortable, then you are not growing, you need to be active in making things different, not one who is going to sit back and let things go as they may. It isn't about your looks or how you are today, it is what your wife is missing in her life as well. She needs something more and the only thing that is going to make any difference is what God does or doesn't do for you both.
No woman walks away from a great relationship and/or marriage. We're not made up that way. You need to find your responsibility in the breakdown and breakup of your marriage. What was your part?
It sounds like she's made her mind up. So, what's next? You need to:
1. Take an honest look at your role;
2. Acknowledge the mistakes you made;
3. Forgive yourself for those mistakes;
4. Forgive your wife for her role and mistakes; and
5. Take one day at a time.
In time, you will heal and maybe even find love again. Good luck to you.
I'm sorry you're going through this. There is nothing you can do to keep someone around that does not want to be with you. You need to accept her decsion and then go about living your life and doing what is best for your daughter. Continue going to counseling, exercise, spend time with your daughter and keep things as stable as possible for her. If you don't go to church, find a bible-based church and start going. You will find new friends, and a new life. Put her behind you and stop looking back. It is hard medicine. Trust me friend, I've been there. You will survive.
You can't make someone love you, that's the bottom line. She obviously doesn't love you. I'd have to say that this has been going on for quite some time. Her interest in another man is because she is missing something in her marriage. Maybe someone to talk to, maybe she has sexual needs. She is looking for someone to fill that one thing that lacks in you. Chances are...if she finds out this man doesn't have it, she will move on from him too. I know it's hard right now but you gotta think on the positive side of things. There is a bright spot in everything we do, sometimes you just gotta dig for it but it's there.
She sounds like she in control of things (decisions). Take your control back and start dictating your own life. Start living each day happy without any regard to her. Isn't that what she is doing to you?
Good Luck!
there is another guy that is dealing with your same problems... i know this is very hard for you i can see it in the way you word and talk, but this is a bump in the road that im sure you will get through. try doing this once. sit down when you have some alone time, and write a letter to her. in the letter write from your heart and yes even make it sappy. tell her how you feel about her, tell her how much you love her... sometimes, people have to separate for a time to realize how much they love the other person. yea she might be with another guy but if she loves you then she will come back. if she lets you, start doing some special things just the two of you together. sometimes it just takes one person to stand up for both to work together. if she doesn't love you any more than your gonna have to let her go unfortunatly... start going to a church or something rather than drinking though because in the end that will make you more miserable... start meeting different women, there is probably some one out there that will stay commited to you and who will love you... ill be prayin... good luck!
Shes having an affair,don't think for a second that it didn't get physical because its not the truth.You have to know the truth before you can even start to deal with this emotionally.I think that with all of the counseling and attention you are giving her it is making her take advantage of you,take the ball out of her court and bring the hammer down on the relationship.Im telling you,I did everything your doing and it backfired,kindness and attention doesn't work in this situation,if you want her to wake up then stop being so nice and give her an ultimatum.Try this one,get all dressed up and tell you your going out for a couple of drinks with a friend from work,don't mention anything else,just walk out the door and come home at 4 am,that will rattle her cage.You to available and willing to be her doormat,toughen up and you will feel better about yourself also.
there's a web site that you can visit to talk with others in similar situations as yours... I did a quick online search and found this discussion board
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=postlist%26amp;Board=32%26amp;PHPSESSID=
it's on the Marriage Builders website, but it's the divorcing / divorced section...
if that one doesn't help you, you can do your own online search.
I know that when my husband passed away (not the same thing as a divorce, but equally hard to deal with) it was a web forum that helped me to cope. It was helpful to be able to discuss things with others who were going through the same thing that I was...
you should definitely try it.
Hey man - altho I didnt read ur entire story, 2 months of ';on the rocks';? ****, thats easy. How about 4 years? Still working on it, still faithful to eachother, and still want it to work, so if u guys need to separate for a while, so be it. U have a young life in ur hands that is urs to mold. Dont squish it with ur current pains.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I'm 18 and my mom did the same thing to my dad. They were together about 15 years and he still loved her. She fell ';in love'; with this guy that was so gross and ugly and too poor to even take care of her. He STILL can barely take care of her and she gripes all the time about how bad he treats her. It's not because of looks. You look great I'm sure! It's about wanting something that's ';out of bounds'; for them. They like attention from new people. I don't doubt that she still has feelings for you she's just caught up in her selfish thinking. It's not your fault and you've done all you can do. the best thing to do now is just focus on yourself and find something that makes you at least a little happy. Find a hobby. FORCE yourself to go out and spend time with friends. Isolating yourself is the WORST thing you can do and will only make you focus on your problems more. As for meds...my mother had depression and they never helped her. They made it worse. So I'm not much for those. But more power to ya if you find some that work! :)
Get a cat. My doctor actually recommended that and I did. Keep talking to someone.
I got a divorce and thought my whole world was over but after a long period of grieving I moved on. Mine also came at a really rough time. I got injured in the Army and was getting medically discharged. My career and family was gone. I did a LOT of drinking. I probably should have died from alcohol poisoning more then once.
It just takes time. LOTS of time. It sucks, I know. It gets better though in time. In the meantime find activities of interest and keep busy. Get OUT of the house. I know you don't want to but sitting around gives you time to sit around and feel sorry for yourself. Join a bowling league or something similar and make some good friends if you don't have many.
Last year I even did something I swore I would never do. I got married again. I'm even happier then I was the first time and didn't think that was even possible.
I cant tell you whats in her head my friend. but drugs and alchohol
do not help it makes things worse. Focus on your baby, Let the girl go
and spend some time by yourself. and save some money. and
go out and find something to do with your free time to get your mind
off things. It works. after a few weeks the pain goes away. goodluck
god bless you
My mom and dad died last year, and this was the only family that I have, I have done everything I could to keep things together. I don't understand how this woman that I have known and been best friends with for so many years can be so cold to me all of a sudden. She has already told me that I am better looking than this other guy, I keep myself in very good shape, I am in the gym 5 days a week because I always wanted her to have a good opinion of me, but then why go for someone else?
I thought that if this ever happened that I would want to be with as many women as possible, but I haven't even been able to get my head around it. I went to the Dr. and he put me on a low dose of anti-depressants, but even that has not worked well. I think I could have normally handled this ok, but it has just been a series of 5 years of problems. Deaths, financial issues, and now this. I find myself pacing about, and am having problems thinking of anything else. The only thing that has helped is to drink, but I still have to work. I want to be able to turn this off...to hate her if I have to, but I can't right now. How did any of you deal with something similar? I need to figure this out...your thoughts?How do I deal with my wife leaving me and the pain/anxiety?
The first thing you need to do is call this depression, anxiety, sadness, frustration, and regret to a halt RIGHT NOW. You have a child to think about. This may seem like 5 years of hell that you've been through but keep in mind that you, my friend, are only in Chapter 4 of your life and the book isn't over yet. To get to the next (better) chapter, you must get past THIS. You have to. There is no other option. Your wife says she doesn't love you. That's her problem, not yours and I'm saying that from life experience. After 10 years of marriage, I said the same exact thing to my ex and it was because I'd gotten sick and tired of being sick and tired and there were no changes happening and I made a choice. She made a choice. She has a right to do that. Don't take it personally. You could've spent 10 hours a day in the gym and, if that's what she wanted to do, it wouldn't have made a difference.
Remember that you are perfect just as you are. Remember that you deserve the best. Remember that you don't teach your children what true love is by being in a marriage with someone who doesn't have it for you. Remember that there are great big lessons to learn from your parents death and from her leaving. You have a choice. This can be an obstacle or it can be an opportunity. You never know how strong you are until you have to be the one to encourage yourself and get through this.
Know that everything happens for a reason. Know that you can handle this and use this situation to be the best man you can be, rise to the occasion, handle your business, and move on with joy and ease. Your child will be fine, as long as she sees at least one parent who is.
Stay strong...How do I deal with my wife leaving me and the pain/anxiety?
try a new activity within the community..take a night course at college..
leave her. i am sorry to ssay but she is not in love with you.
get a dog (no,really)
excuse me, but I have only one answer for you and your wife, and that is Jesus Christ.
If you are still reading, I would suggest that you find a bible and start reading it, I mean if your marriage is really worth saving and you are down to nothing else, than just pick up and start reading. Remember, you are going to be up against a force that will want to kill your marriage and get you upset and angry and even want to kill.
You are the Leader of your Family, you need to do leader things. Lead your Family by example and not by some sermon. Lean on God and God will be your Strength. I would suggest you start reading in the book of John first, then you can read all the others later, but read that one first and God's Word will not let you down.
See, I was in your situation, but I had some real bad things happen and I ended up in jail, but God is faithful and delivered me from certain anguish. I can only share what God has done, you are going to have to have faith, without it you are not going to have peace. You need to believe in what you do and do what you believe. It is going to be up hill all the way, and if you feel comfortable, then you are not growing, you need to be active in making things different, not one who is going to sit back and let things go as they may. It isn't about your looks or how you are today, it is what your wife is missing in her life as well. She needs something more and the only thing that is going to make any difference is what God does or doesn't do for you both.
No woman walks away from a great relationship and/or marriage. We're not made up that way. You need to find your responsibility in the breakdown and breakup of your marriage. What was your part?
It sounds like she's made her mind up. So, what's next? You need to:
1. Take an honest look at your role;
2. Acknowledge the mistakes you made;
3. Forgive yourself for those mistakes;
4. Forgive your wife for her role and mistakes; and
5. Take one day at a time.
In time, you will heal and maybe even find love again. Good luck to you.
I'm sorry you're going through this. There is nothing you can do to keep someone around that does not want to be with you. You need to accept her decsion and then go about living your life and doing what is best for your daughter. Continue going to counseling, exercise, spend time with your daughter and keep things as stable as possible for her. If you don't go to church, find a bible-based church and start going. You will find new friends, and a new life. Put her behind you and stop looking back. It is hard medicine. Trust me friend, I've been there. You will survive.
You can't make someone love you, that's the bottom line. She obviously doesn't love you. I'd have to say that this has been going on for quite some time. Her interest in another man is because she is missing something in her marriage. Maybe someone to talk to, maybe she has sexual needs. She is looking for someone to fill that one thing that lacks in you. Chances are...if she finds out this man doesn't have it, she will move on from him too. I know it's hard right now but you gotta think on the positive side of things. There is a bright spot in everything we do, sometimes you just gotta dig for it but it's there.
She sounds like she in control of things (decisions). Take your control back and start dictating your own life. Start living each day happy without any regard to her. Isn't that what she is doing to you?
Good Luck!
there is another guy that is dealing with your same problems... i know this is very hard for you i can see it in the way you word and talk, but this is a bump in the road that im sure you will get through. try doing this once. sit down when you have some alone time, and write a letter to her. in the letter write from your heart and yes even make it sappy. tell her how you feel about her, tell her how much you love her... sometimes, people have to separate for a time to realize how much they love the other person. yea she might be with another guy but if she loves you then she will come back. if she lets you, start doing some special things just the two of you together. sometimes it just takes one person to stand up for both to work together. if she doesn't love you any more than your gonna have to let her go unfortunatly... start going to a church or something rather than drinking though because in the end that will make you more miserable... start meeting different women, there is probably some one out there that will stay commited to you and who will love you... ill be prayin... good luck!
Shes having an affair,don't think for a second that it didn't get physical because its not the truth.You have to know the truth before you can even start to deal with this emotionally.I think that with all of the counseling and attention you are giving her it is making her take advantage of you,take the ball out of her court and bring the hammer down on the relationship.Im telling you,I did everything your doing and it backfired,kindness and attention doesn't work in this situation,if you want her to wake up then stop being so nice and give her an ultimatum.Try this one,get all dressed up and tell you your going out for a couple of drinks with a friend from work,don't mention anything else,just walk out the door and come home at 4 am,that will rattle her cage.You to available and willing to be her doormat,toughen up and you will feel better about yourself also.
there's a web site that you can visit to talk with others in similar situations as yours... I did a quick online search and found this discussion board
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=postlist%26amp;Board=32%26amp;PHPSESSID=
it's on the Marriage Builders website, but it's the divorcing / divorced section...
if that one doesn't help you, you can do your own online search.
I know that when my husband passed away (not the same thing as a divorce, but equally hard to deal with) it was a web forum that helped me to cope. It was helpful to be able to discuss things with others who were going through the same thing that I was...
you should definitely try it.
Hey man - altho I didnt read ur entire story, 2 months of ';on the rocks';? ****, thats easy. How about 4 years? Still working on it, still faithful to eachother, and still want it to work, so if u guys need to separate for a while, so be it. U have a young life in ur hands that is urs to mold. Dont squish it with ur current pains.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I'm 18 and my mom did the same thing to my dad. They were together about 15 years and he still loved her. She fell ';in love'; with this guy that was so gross and ugly and too poor to even take care of her. He STILL can barely take care of her and she gripes all the time about how bad he treats her. It's not because of looks. You look great I'm sure! It's about wanting something that's ';out of bounds'; for them. They like attention from new people. I don't doubt that she still has feelings for you she's just caught up in her selfish thinking. It's not your fault and you've done all you can do. the best thing to do now is just focus on yourself and find something that makes you at least a little happy. Find a hobby. FORCE yourself to go out and spend time with friends. Isolating yourself is the WORST thing you can do and will only make you focus on your problems more. As for meds...my mother had depression and they never helped her. They made it worse. So I'm not much for those. But more power to ya if you find some that work! :)
Get a cat. My doctor actually recommended that and I did. Keep talking to someone.
I got a divorce and thought my whole world was over but after a long period of grieving I moved on. Mine also came at a really rough time. I got injured in the Army and was getting medically discharged. My career and family was gone. I did a LOT of drinking. I probably should have died from alcohol poisoning more then once.
It just takes time. LOTS of time. It sucks, I know. It gets better though in time. In the meantime find activities of interest and keep busy. Get OUT of the house. I know you don't want to but sitting around gives you time to sit around and feel sorry for yourself. Join a bowling league or something similar and make some good friends if you don't have many.
Last year I even did something I swore I would never do. I got married again. I'm even happier then I was the first time and didn't think that was even possible.
I cant tell you whats in her head my friend. but drugs and alchohol
do not help it makes things worse. Focus on your baby, Let the girl go
and spend some time by yourself. and save some money. and
go out and find something to do with your free time to get your mind
off things. It works. after a few weeks the pain goes away. goodluck
god bless you
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