Tuesday, August 10, 2010

How do you deal with a wife who needs a parent more than a husband?

Been married 15 years with two kids. My wife has always been very dependent and cannot make decisions. I thought she would grow out of it but never did and now we're separated. I don't know anything else to do to get her to be a wife and not another child of mine. Marriage is sexless. Divorce is immenent I just wondered if anyone out there, especially women, could explain this to me?How do you deal with a wife who needs a parent more than a husband?
You need to ask yourself why you waited 15 years and didn't work on her being more independent right off the bat. Sometimes when being dependent on a guy the guy tends to think his way or no way. I surely hope you were not controlling with her. It takes two to be in a marriage and it sounds to me that you allowed her to be the way that she is and all of the sudden poof you are not allowing it anymore. Did you find someone else and she dumped you and now you are having second thoughts of her being back in your life.





15 years of her and all of the sudden this is bothering you hmmmm.How do you deal with a wife who needs a parent more than a husband?
if she needs a daddy be one to her why is this a big deal my girl has always called me daddy and i let her know what to do and when to do it we are both happy and it works she is the best of my kids
Some women just like to get things handed to them and have everything given to them and do nothing.





She won't ever grow up.





I truly believe that when people are set in there ways they won't change.





Raise the kids the best you can and separate yourself from her.
When you finalize the divorce she will find another man to support her financially and tell her what to do.





Was she a SAHM the whole time you were married?
It sounds like she is insecure, she will not change until she fixes that issue, I have one too, but I know that she cannot make a decision without me because she is to afraid of making the wrong one and disappointing me and the kids, by the way, I am going to get a divorce as well and no sex as well.





So to all you give me a thumbs down, thanks for letting me know that my feeling once again do not matter.
MAKE HER WORK!!!!!!!! MAKE HER WORK!!!!!!!! MAKE HER WORK!!!!!!!!!





TELL HER TO GO TO WORK!!!!!!
She was probably emotionally damaged by her parents and is seeking out that parental care that she never got, you can't change her only she can, and she has to want to, I think counseling would be the best thing whether it is couples therapy or individual.
Can you just continue to be the leader of the family? I'm not really sure of specific ways you mean when you say she is dependent.





I am dependent on my husband, and he usually makes all the big decisions with my input and considering me. That is because he is the head of our family, not because I'm stupid or something.





Do you think your wife just wants you to be the leader? If that is the case, you are very lucky man this day and age. Most women try to take control and men end up not respecting themselves and not getting any respect.





So, I guess I'm just not sure what the problem is with that.





About the sex, have you talked to her about it, NOT in anger and in the moment?
You married her for the whole deal. Was she always needy or did you find it cute back then? You enabled her.





I am sorry that it's happened. We all make mistakes. People only change if they want to. You can't control it. Divorce could be the best thing or it could be the worst thing. But it's your life and you need to do what it's in your best interest given the circumstances. I don't think you should change to suit her and I don't think she should change to suit you. It should be something both people are willing to do. It sounds like the love has dissipated. ??
Choose better if there is a next time. You hit the nail on the head when you said ';my wife has always been very dependent and cannot make decisions. I thought she would grow out of it.';





You knew this co-dependent aspect about her while you were dating and you not only chose to turn a blind eye to some pretty significant red flags during your courtship by getting married to her, you ignored them again and made babies with her.





Next time, date with your eyes wide open to observe the others' strengths and weaknesses and to break it off with the people who have some aspect about them that it makes that person not a great match for you.





Next time...pay attention to those red flags and choose better. Your brain and not your penis should make the decision.





((Hugs))
Sorry to hear about your family's situation. Some women are raised with familial/cultural/religious expectations that, as females, they do not have personal agency and should look to a male family member (father or husband, usually) to make all decisions and deal with the outside world on their behalf. Some people simply have more retiring personalities. Others may have been treated like princes or princesses during their childhood and given a great deal of attention and possessions, but very little responsibility. This type of person may find adulthood,marriage and parenthood demanding and frightening, and look to the spouse/partner to shield him/her from the ';big, bad world';. Sometimes a quieter person may feel cowed by a more outspoken partner and relinquish responsibility because asserting himself/herself leads to conflict/confrontation with the partner.





Counselling is a good way to begin to address the problematic behaviour and its underlying reasons. There are a variety of pyschological approaches available. The best approach is the one that works for the individual(s) concerned.





It's possible that a combination of the above reasons or an entirely different reason is at the root of your wife's behaviour. Have you asked her?

No comments:

Post a Comment