How long does one wait ?

Heres the deal. Wife left me back in August last year. (married 10 yrs.) Ended up getting involved with a guy 12 years her senior ( she is 38, he is 50). She basically just moved into his house from my house. They are no longer together, although they still talk on the phone.





Some history of wife: Her grandmother was divorced 3 times, her mother was divorced 3 times (town whore) and now the wife will be divorced 3 times. She has never known any different that how she was raised.


Over the past 2 months, wife and I have been getting closer in the frienship department, and she is now realizing that she says she still has feelings for me. That she has made many mistakes too. She found out that the grass wasnt as green on the other side. The man she was living with for 3 months has teporiarily moved away ( but will be coming back 4 months from now) she now has her own place. We also have a 10 year old boy together.





She says she cant make up her mind on what she wants to do. According to her, she still cares about me but doesnt know if she is in love with me.


I took my vows seriously and obvious she didnt.


It is obvious that she doesnt know what to do or what direction to take her life. I have ALWAYS been there for her and she knows I still love her and am able to forgive her for being with another man. My faith in GOD is strong. I am trying to give her some time to figure things out for herself.





I guess my question is, to those women that understand this, how much time is enough time for her to make a decesion. I think she is trying to decide whether to go with someone she is in love with, or go with me , the secure way that she knows I will always be there for her. I have been sted fast in my commitment to her, and she knows this. I am not a quitter in a relationship,





She says there are times that she wants to be with me and times she wants to be alone. Another thing is she says she wants to find out if she can still be in love with me and if it ';seems right'; I have loved this woman with all my heart, I have also been on a very large rollercoaster emotionally. We have already been though a marriage counselor too.





We went to the pastor together and talked things over too. She knows I am about to pull the plug on the relationship, yet I am reluctant to do so. I dont want to lose this woman.......What should I do in this situation?





Thanks for your suggestions!How long does one wait ?
You don't have to pull the plug on this relationship, because she already has. You are trying to decide of you are willing to start making an additional investment in it, and you should.


This family has a history of making decisions based on their emotions of the moment. That is not now, nor has ever been the basis for a marriage.


You still need a lot of counseling, and so does she. We don't stick with people because we are always in love with them, we stick with people because we are committed to the relationship. That is the lesson she needs to learn and you cannot be the one to teach her (except by example).


I hope for the sake of your son that you can work this out and break the cycle of divorce in her family.


Good luck, brother!How long does one wait ?
wait until you get Aids then you will know this **** wasnt worth it waiting. Run babe Run. Let her deal with her confusion alone, why you giving her the benefit of choosing whom she wants, you only making her look special. She just a user.
Give her an ultimatum and a time limit.. Stick to it.. but don't beg her .. If you have been to counselling .. why don't you use the advice they gave you?
you really need to find another woman


she is not the one for you


youknow it


and you deserve someone better
man, you are a total pu$$y if you haven't ditched her yet
Wow. I think you should always be there for her...as a friend. But she sounds like she really needs to be on her own for a while. She has moved from man to man and from the sounds of things has never just been her. It's hard to be your own person when you have always been part of a couple. She will, hopefully, make her mind up one way or the other.


I know it can be rough, especially with a child involved. You also need to consider his feelings and views in your decision. A lot of what kids see at home weighs in on how they act as adults. If he sees his mother flitting in and out of your life, he may see that as normal...and that it's ok for adults to do that to each other.


I would keep things friendly, for his sake, but I don't think I would get back into a marriage type relationship with her any time soon. She needs to figure out who she is, and what she really wants.
Perhaps you should continue living separately and try dating?





It won't take that long through that route if she still wants to be with you. Although I think in order for her to stay around she needs to fall in love with you again.
Your wife is a flake that doesn't deserve to be married. Given these facts, what type of man are you want to go back to loving her and mounting her after that old man was pumping her.





Why are you giver her time, She should be giving you time, she is completely SELFISHLY and you are feeding her. This one needs to learn some tough lesions, send her out.
She is the one that cheated on you and she is the one that left you and your child and moved out. Why are you still giving her a choice as if you did something wrong and it is up to her to take you back or not. you need to forget about this woman and they only time you guys should talk is when it is involving your child. basically she can do whatever she wants and then later comes back to you whenever it's convienient for her. and please don't blame her childhood for her issues. she is a grown *** woman and knows right from wrong.
Too much drama.... i divorced mine and all I have in my life now is peace and quiet. I don't date or anything. I gave up on the human race and relationships and have decided to just be a parent to my kids. That has been the best decision I have ever made.