If you don't already know, these are two very popular schools of thought, the former often called the CIO (Cry it out) school of thought, where they think leaving the baby alone will teach it early on to be independent, while the latter school of thought argues against it by claiming that leaving the baby alone causes feelings of abandonment that eventually may cause babies to be more needy. It is my understanding that even many people in the CIO school of thought don't believe that one-month old babies can be spoiled from the attention given to them.
Anyway, I don't want opinions on the debate between these issues, I just want some information that will be helpful with dealing with my wife, who has gotten it in her head that I have spoiled our daughter, and blames me for the fact that our baby cries a lot more now than when she was first born, even though I have tried to follow her wishes. I understand she is even more sleep deprived than I am right now, and I need to be patient with her, but when she tries to construct methods based on the little or no research she has done on the issue with that much sleep and fatigue, and then blames me for previously holding our daughter when she cried, even though now I try to follow her wishes, I cannot help but feel a little put out. How do I approach someone so tired and frustrated, and what can I say?How to deal with my wife dealing with me and our baby?
I can definitely relate, as can many new fathers. I am the father of an 8 month old son. The best thing that you can do is not take anything personal and just help your wife to relax. Consider rubbing her back and feet. Keep telling her that she is a great mother and that you are so excited to watch them bond together as your precious wonder grows up. A lot of the frustration that your wife is taking out on you is personal insecurities and the fact that she is exhausted and experiencing a lot of hormonal changes.
I remember coming home and finding my wife stressed that our son was not living up to the standards in the book. I let her know that she could either stop reading the book, or that I would burn it for her. It was her choice. I then hugged her, told her how awesome she was as a wife and mother. The first comment made her laugh, the second helped her to relax.
Please continue loving on your little girl, and thinking good thoughts. Take lots of pictures. And get some much needed sleep. :O)How to deal with my wife dealing with me and our baby?
First of all you have to work as a team. Believe me the 1st year of raising a child can be the most challenging thing that a couple can go through but if you can survive this year without killing eachother then you know that together you can accomplish anything! First get some help someone she trusts to help you watch the baby tell her to go somewhere to pamper herself to get some rest or to just try to relax and catch up on her zzzz's. Listen I know it will be hard for her to seperate from the baby but she is going to have to or else she will go crazy and also drive you crazy! Babies cry and this is the only way they know how to get attention they cant speak in an actual language that adults can so here is the thing I know it will hurt you to hear the baby cry but you have to let the baby cry if you know that the baby is fed,changed,burbed etc then let the baby cry if you run to her everytime she cries then she will learn that all she has to do is start crying and someone will be right there to pick her up and trust me babies are smart she will have you wrapped around her little finger in no time at all! Instead of picking her up try singing to sooth her she will hear you and know that you are nearby so she doesnt have a reason to feel abandoned. But you need to communicate with your wife tell her that you are trying to fullfill her wishes but tell her that it hurts you to hear her cry! Communication is the key to parenthood you have to both agree to the decisions that you make regarding the upbringing of your children! Good luck sweet heart and remember your wife has gone through a tramatic event in her life she just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl so listen cut her some slack but also find out more about post partun depression alot of women get this after having had a baby so get some more info on that ok! And maybe your baby is crying because she has a tummy ache if she continues to cry find out if its the formula if its breatmilk then I dont know what to tell you talk to your pediatrician they can always help you and your wife feel more at ease about these kind of situations good luck and best wishes! Congrats on the baby girl!
As the father you are as one may say going to be more ';soft'; with your daughter. This is normal. This is why little girls think the world of their fathers! Your wife has something called ';maternal instinct'; you sheould look it up. I won't give you my opinion on the matter at hand but I will give a suggestion that might help. You noth are tired I am sure of it. Try it out....it wouldnt hurt to try it. As a married couple thats what you are supposed to do. ';Agree to disagree'; as one might say. It isn't like your child is going to cry for the rest of its baby years. This method is something that is proven to work in a very short amount of time. You baby is NOT spoiled, she likes being held and mainly because its what she is used to. and who doesnt like to hold babies...they are so sweet!!! It is important that you and your wife be able to do things around the house without having to lug around a child all the time...it will be hard but I really think you should try it, how can you say no to something you havent at least tried.!!
Wow! Please realize that you can not spoil a baby that age. In fact holding a baby at the age as much as possible gives them a sense of security so that they won't be as needy as they get older. My son was held so much that I had back problems, carpal tunnel in my left arm and scaitic nerve problems. But now at 11 months, he is so confident that I rarely ever get to hold him. He is playing around the house with his sister and I just cherish the time that he nuzzle on my chest. Those moments go quickly and you will regret not giving your baby what she needs.
Well medically I would say maybe your baby has colic. If thats the case try giving the baby a bottle of water with a few pieces from a broken peppermint candy (like from Sonic). It calms their tummies. Being as young as she is you cant spoil her but you can keep her from being on schedule and sleeping where necessary. Now for the two of you. Ya need to talk to her bout it. Call your church if you have one and let the pastor help you two talk. But your baby may need to be held cuz the both of you are so tense with each other she is sensing it and getting stressed. Not gonna preach but thats not good for that baby. Letting the baby cry it out is ok to an extent. Let her cry it out for 10 minutes then go get her. Rock her for a bit then put her back. It sounds more like colic and you and your wife stressing her. Good luck but you both need to be open to anything. every baby is different.
some babies just cry a lot. My daughter didn't but my sisters baby did and it ended up being because her teeth were starting to come in. some babies do get them really really early. I would def suggest you both going to the babies check ups with the pediatrician and speak with them about it. they can check the baby out and help you with suggestion. some times babys with like colic or something cry a lot so def check w/ the ped.
also look into the formula she is on or if she is breast fed. Some times depending on what you give them each child takes it differently. my daughter was taking soy formula and was fussing we switched her to non soy and things got so much better.
as for your wife.....i would bring it up by saying i was looking online to try and find out things we could do and i came across this if you want to try
I have good news, and bad news. Lets start with the good so you keep reading.. Your wife is wrong. You can't just ignore her. You will have to find out for yourselves what works best with her.
And the bad news. Yes it was you holding her all the time. Just because she is young doesn't mean she doesn't have a personality or know whats going on.
For nine months she was rocked non stop (your wife walking around.) And now that you haven't stoped it or tried, it's going to be harder. You were helping form bad habbits.
I do not believe you can spoil a baby. My husband says I never put our baby down. He is 8 yrs. old now and is a very confident and secure child with a great personality. I think you and your wife would benefit from a counseling visit. It would be great if you could find someone who specializes in parenting. Then, you could both voice your opinions and find a happy medium. Just remember that neither one of you is the enemy. You both want what is best for your child.
Best wishes to your family.
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