The thing is--I don't like the anger--it often seems irrational and out of the proportion to the incident (eg where are the f'n keys!? who put these coins there? why didn't we get the damn coffee etc.) often accompanied by the ';f'; word, and I find it to be rather exhausting.
Rational explanations about the content don't seem to matter; when she's not angry, and I bring this up, she says she will try to not do this, but it never lasts...It seems she gets totally ';caught up in the moment'; and can't step outside of her experience/emotions.
Thoughts? Tips? Strategies?How to deal with wife's frequent bursts of anger?
Hmm, this sounds a lot like what my husband used to say about me early in our marriag, that I used the f-word too much when I was angry with him, and that my anger was ';irrational.'; I think it's a common husband complaint. While it *may* be possible that your wife has a mental disorder that makes her have mood swings (bipolar disorder comes to mind), it is also possible that your are ignoring your role in the situation and doing things to set her off.
It usually is a build up of lots of little incidents that make people blow up ';unexpectedly';. This is why the reaction seems out of proportion to you, because you are only analyzing it in the context of the most recent event. For her, she may feel like it's time to finally blow off steam.
Sitting on the sidelines being passive about everything, being lazy, being too mellow about it will probably exacerbate her irritation. Try doing the opposite and see if you get a new reaction out of her.
Yell back at her. I bet if you snap out of your haze of passiveness and match her level of anger, she will back down and stop making you feel terrorized. When my husband finally started fighting with me, it took all the ';fun'; out of it for me, and I got bored with it. Maybe we are just a dysfunctional couple, but when he reciprocated, I didn't want to fight anymore and I found more constructive ways of managing my irritation. Anyway, good luck.
EDIT: people jumping to the conclusion of bipolar disorder probably watch too much TV, are probably not married, and are definitely not mental health professionals. bipolar is the most over-diagnosed disease on Y!A, LOL!!! not everyone who gets pissed off at their husband has bipolar.How to deal with wife's frequent bursts of anger?
sounds like my ex husband.
is she pregnant ? if she is it could be hormones. if she is not you need to talk with her calmly. there is a solution to every problem if you just have the will to find the solution. it applies to both of you.
She is probably manic-depressive. A trip to the psychiatrist is in order. believe it or not she may not even realize she is like this. There is medicine that can return her to a normal life if that is her problem.
When she's in a good mood tell her how it affects you.She may need anger mgmt,since no one has the right to snap at others without provocation.
Hormones ?
or Bi polar
Tranquilizer gun , like Jim Fowler on Mutual of Omaha uses on rhinos
Anger Management will probably do the trick for you there.
Divorce.
Your wife is bothered by something, she needs some down time... she is probably fed up with the world... I know exactly what she is going through, I was the exact same when I was working law enforcement... angry all the time... sick of humanity.... up and down emotionally, the ';f'; word... but after I quit doing that job, my stress levels came way down... everything got better...... so figure out what is going on with her and try to help her figure out ways to deal with whatever is eating her alive.
Sounds like she is bi-polar. Look it up on the internet and see if she fits any of the symptoms. I really don't know how you would get her help because bi-polar people are the worst ones to get help for. They don't think they need it and even if they do get help they will go off the medication if they feel better.
Bi-polar is real and it is tough on everyone because of the cycles. You never know what she will be like from one minute to the next.
Good luck and if she doesn't get some help then maybe you should gets some for yourself and your kids. The kids do not deserve having to be brought up with a mother like that. It will screw them up for life.
A very good idea it to take a tape recording of her when she is behaving this way and to play it back to her to hear when she is not in this beside herself state. Sometimes people have no idea how bad they are behaving until they are faced with hearing it themselves and this can make a really huge difference. You would have to do it ';nicely'; and tell her that you love her so much and don't like to see her this unhappy which is what you think she must be going thru when she behaves this way. Hope this helps, good luck!
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